1 year relationship. He wants to move forward but wants to do so Dave Ramsey sty

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1 year relationship. He wants to move forward but wants to do so Dave Ramsey sty

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  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
    DatingAdvice.com
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    beckyd83
    beckyd83
    Participant
    February 26, 2019 at 9:42 am #195593
    1 year relationship. He wants to move forward but wants to do so Dave Ramsey sty

    Ive been in a relationship with a great guy for a about 14 months now. He is amazing. At the start of the new year we sat down and with much embarrassment per his request we went over my expenses/ debt/ etc. (brief view of my life- I have always been a completely single parent. I have an 11 year old daughter who I have raised on my own. I have always supported the both of us while maintaining a pretty decent job. (a lot of ppl would say, however I only make $20 an hour.) I have my own home and recently graduated with my associates degree in criminal justice. With my student loan and car and mortgage and credit card debt I owe about 46K not including my home.
    Now, IN enters ‘guy’. He has 2 of his own business and makes possibly 80k a year. Minimum.
    Our relationship goals are to eventually get married. However he wants me to pay off my student loan in 1 year. He has suggested I work for him on Saturdays. His shop is about an hour away from my home and he will pay me $400 a month

    • This topic was modified 8 months, 2 weeks ago by beckyd83 beckyd83.
    beckyd83
    beckyd83
    Participant
    February 26, 2019 at 9:48 am #195597

    Those Saturdays I leave my daughter with family. He has also suggested I ‘get rid of my car’ and find something cheaper. He has posted my car which is 18k owed on ebay. – I have done this. I have only had one offer of 11k
    I would of course be responsible for paying the balance of whatever I do get for it and what is still owed.
    Meanwhile he doesn’t have a ‘home’ ‘home’ he owns a car dealership and in that parking lot he has a trailer. So, since we met he has been staying in that trailer to save money. Now most recently he has been spending a lot of time in my home.
    when he cooks, he buys those groceries. However he INSISTS to know that when he pays me when I work for him on Saturdays that that money goes to my ‘loans’ and not ‘stuff I don’t need’.
    However since he has been staying so much at my house he seems to have a hard time believing that my ELECTRICITY bills have gone up..
    (??) he stated last night that ‘if he was going to give me money he would rather know that it is

    beckyd83
    beckyd83
    Participant
    February 26, 2019 at 2:38 pm #195606

    Going to my debt..
    I don’t get it? He basically also lives at MY house YET doesn’t want to contribute to living there? Electric, water, etc..
    I just want to know where I am wrong.
    I see his goal and I want to be there also. I have told him, i haven’t spent any extra money ANYWHERE he has me living by the envelope system. I don’t HAVE extra money to spend anywhere but damn..
    He is a great guy. He really is but he also has his faults and i am so tired of having these stupid little arguments with him.
    I don’t know where we are headed but i just wish that wherever it was that we would accept and understand that because i am TIRED of this unnecessary stress and drama.
    I feel like he fails to understand that i was paying my bills before he came. I can pay them after as well. Will i have to work my ass off now that i have a 250 student loan? Yes. Is my car expensive and i wish i didn’t have a car note, yes! but i need transportation to get me to work..
    Period.

    dashingscorpio
    dashingscorpio
    Participant
    February 26, 2019 at 5:05 pm #195712

    “..He basically also lives at MY house YET doesn’t want to contribute to living there..”
    “…he has me living by the envelope system. I don’t HAVE extra money to spend anywhere..”
    ” i am so tired of having these stupid little arguments with him..”

    We are always where we choose to be. No one is “stuck” with anyone.
    Suffering is optional.

    Sounds like you fell in love with an “Alpha male” / Take charge kind of guy.
    In the beginning it was probably nice to have someone {step in with a plan} to improve your life.
    However now it feels like he is “controlling” and you’re moving closer to having a parent/child relationship.

    You need to be honest with yourself by determining whether or not you can imagine living like this for the rest of your life.
    If you or your mate has to change your core being to make a relationship work you’re probably with the wrong person.
    People don’t change unless (THEY) are unhappy. The goal is to find someone who (already is) what you want in a mate.

    aray808311
    aray808311
    Participant
    June 17, 2019 at 8:20 am #202183

    where did dave ramsey come in?