3rd date on Valentine's day?

DATING ADVICE FORUM

3rd date on Valentine's day?

    Author
    Comments
  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
    DatingAdvice.com
    February 2, 2019 at 3:02 pm FORUM ANNOUNCEMENT

    Hey DatingAdvice.com forum readers! Just a quick heads up that a few dating sites are offering a FREE trial to DatingAdvice forum readers. Try it now and meet local singles in just a few minutes! Here are the sites:

    Site Who You'll Meet Today's Deal
    Match.com Casual dating for ages 18-65 Get FREE access
    Elite Singles Educated professionals 25 and older Get FREE access
    AFF.com Hookups, casual encounters Get FREE access

    What are you waiting for? One mouse click could be all that stands between you and your next romance!

    Blake
    Blake
    Participant
    February 10, 2019 at 9:49 am #194562
    3rd date on Valentine's day?

    I live in The Netherlands, dating a girl from the US. We kinda do something here as well on Valentine’s day, but certainly not the same as in the US, where I believe it’s quite a big deal. We just had our second date last Thursday and at the end she told me, she would have time after next Wednesday again to meet. Guess what day comes after that..

    30 minutes after date two, which ended with kissing, she texted me to ask if I got home ok and thanked me for a lovely evening. Other than that, she doesnt seem to be the type that likes to text much. Which also leads to the question, how much is she into me? On the other hand, during both dates, she stares into my eyes non stop while having conversation. I’m really into this girl, but I’m finding it hard to figure out where she stands and what her feelings are at this point.

    Depending on the importance of Valentine’s Day to her, I feel I should ask her out. On the other hand, she might get nervous and feels I’m taking it too fast?

    • This topic was modified 6 days ago by Blake Blake.
    GJ
    GJ
    Participant
    February 10, 2019 at 10:41 am #194567

    Hello Blake

    I read your post and need some additional information to give you the correct feedback. Kindly reflect on the following and provide your answers:

    1. What is your age?
    2. What is your relationship history?
    3. Are you dating this woman in the US or in the Netherlands?
    4. This is a very new relationship with this woman. What are you feeling about Valentine’s day?
    5. What are you feeling about dating on Valentines’s day or simply dating on Friday the 15, or Saturday the 16th or any other day?

    This is a very new relationship in its infancy stage. what are you thinking and feeling if you didn’t go out on Valentine’s day even if it was important to this woman. You’re her new date not her exclusive boyfriend. Not saying you should or should’t go out with her on Valentine’s day, what is important is what’s going on for you on a feeling level.

    I look forward to your reply
    Best Wishes
    Garyjay60

    Blake
    Blake
    Participant
    February 10, 2019 at 11:19 am #194572

    Hi Gary!

    Thanks for your reply, here the answers:

    1. What is your age? We both are 35
    2. What is your relationship history? Have had several, but nothing beyond 2 years. Only really fell in love once, also the only time I got broken up with. This is the second time that I have that feeling again.
    3. Are you dating this woman in the US or in the Netherlands? The Netherlands, she lives here.
    4. This is a very new relationship with this woman. What are you feeling about Valentine’s day? First time I actually started dating someone new just before Valentine’s day. I want to prevent her from thinking I might be seeing someone else that day. Also dont want to give her the feeling I want to rush it. Also dont want her to think Im not a romantic and just “pretend” to forget the day altogether.

    GJ
    GJ
    Participant
    February 10, 2019 at 11:40 am #194578

    Hello Blake:

    thanks for the background information. It really makes a difference in how I process your situation and the feedback I provide.

    This is what we know so far:
    1.The woman wants to continue getting to know you and spend more time together. This is clear since she said she would have time after next Wednesday again to meet (for date 3).
    2. She is establishing physical intimacy with you by kissing
    3. She had a need to connect with you after date 3 by text to see if you got home ok and thank you for a lovely evening.

    What we of I don’t know:
    1. What is this woman’s relationship history? (what she told you or has not told you yet.)
    2. The woman went out with you twice is looking for a third date, kissed you, and we have to ask why are you asking yourself how much is she into you?
    3. why are you so concerned if she would think you might be dating other people at this time? To my knowledge you are not in a committed relationship. It might lead there but not yet.

    GJ
    GJ
    Participant
    February 10, 2019 at 11:42 am #194580

    4. what would stop you from calling her up and exploring when she would like to get together again. To see what she does with the question. she might avoid Valentine’s day altogether. If she did I wonder how you would feel about that?

    I look forward to your reply and continuing to assist you with this situation.
    Best Wishes
    garyjay60

    newgirl
    newgirl
    Participant
    February 10, 2019 at 4:13 pm #194596

    I think you can always ask!
    Best case scenario: She’ll say yes.
    Worst case scenario: She’ll say no.
    But let’s divide the last one into two categories. She can just say no and tell you it’s going too fast ooooorrrr… she’ll tell you she has other plans.
    Most single girls make plans with their friends on Valentine’s day or treet it like it’s a normal day.
    In my opinion, you don’t have anything to lose here.
    Eitherway she’ll say yes, tell you where the “relationship” between you is going or will be busy and request another day.

    Blake
    Blake
    Participant
    February 11, 2019 at 8:19 am #194573

    5. What are you feeling about dating on Valentines’s day or simply dating on Friday the 15, or Saturday the 16th or any other day? Partially the answer is at point 4. I dont care that much, but it’s not about what I feel, it’s what she feels about it and I don’t have a clue.

    “This is a very new relationship in its infancy stage. what are you thinking and feeling if you didn’t go out on Valentine’s day even if it was important to this woman. You’re her new date not her exclusive boyfriend. Not saying you should or should’t go out with her on Valentine’s day, what is important is what’s going on for you on a feeling level.”

    Yes and I do like her a lot. In a text, when we just go into contact, I did ask her if she was seeing anyone else. She told me she didnt and asked me as well. She said she was glad to hear that, but like you say, it’s early days. People might not be honest about it with good reason. I’ve had dates we two other women at the same time, which I just ended.

    Blake
    Blake
    Participant
    February 11, 2019 at 8:19 am #194577

    It wont allow me to post an answer to the 5th questions, saying its a duplicate…

    Blake
    Blake
    Participant
    February 11, 2019 at 8:19 am #194579

    Regarding point 5: I dont care too much about Valentine’s day, but that doesn’t matter when she does..

    I did ask her when we just got in contact, if she was seeing anyone and she told me she doesnt. She asked me in return and she was glad to hear I wasnt either, for what it’s worth. I dont think many people would answer that question honestly. I was in contact with two other ladies and went on a date with both of them as well, but now stopped with that, as I made my choice. It only makes life unnecessary complicated, at least for me it does.

    Blake
    Blake
    Participant
    February 11, 2019 at 8:20 am #194581

    I had tried to post another answer to your 5th questions, but the forum wouldnt allow me.

    1. She came to The Netherlands 11 years ago for a Dutch guy which lasted 3 years. She had I at least one more relationship of 2 years, possible 2 not sure.
    2. Fair point, so I shouldnt make such a big deal out of it and just ask her out for Thursday or forget about that day, either would be fine?
    3. That is also a very good point you are making.

    You kind of make feel I’m being silly, which would also be fair.

    My problem, as mentioned, I hardly ever fall in love. So most of those I dated before, also for longer periods, I always was in control of my feelings. Now my feelings are all over the place..

    Blake
    Blake
    Participant
    February 11, 2019 at 8:20 am #194582

    The forum appears a bit broken, Ive tried to post something 8 times now, it just doesnt appear, other times it says its a duplicate of what I posted, but it’s not there..

    1. She came to The Netherlands 11 years ago for a Dutch guy which lasted 3 years. She had I at least one more relationship of 2 years, possible 2 not sure.
    2. Fair point, so I shouldnt make such a big deal out of it and just ask her out for Thursday or forget about that day, either would be fine?
    3. That is also a very good point you are making.
    4. Might indeed just call her tomorrow, sounds like a good option.

    You kind of make feel I’m being silly, which seems fair.

    My problem, as mentioned, I hardly ever fall in love. So most of those I dated before, also for longer periods, I always was in control of my feelings. Now my feelings are all over the place..

    Blake
    Blake
    Participant
    February 11, 2019 at 3:40 pm #194730
    Reply To: 3rd date on Valentine's day?

    Apparently my replies go through a validation process or it takes a lot of time before me messages from The Netherlands reach US based(?) servers..

    Anyway, I left out that before the second date, in a cheeky way, I let her know my birthday was the day after. She offered to pay dinner and I let her. In my opinion you can be the macho guy always wanting to pick up the tab, but if someone wants to offer you something, you also have to allow them the opportunity.

    I just decided the easy way and texted her to let me know when she would have time this week, also when I dont (2 days). Told her again that it was really sweet of her to pay for dinner. Appologized again for messing up her friday schedule. She planned to get up at 5am to get work done, but she wanted to stay out till atleast 12 when it would be my birthday. We ended up getting kicked out of the bar at 1:00 am..

    It’s just akward to me I dont hear anything else from her. Perhaps she wants to be sure I want her..

    Blake
    Blake
    Participant
    February 11, 2019 at 4:22 pm #194739
    Reply To: 3rd date on Valentine's day?

    So, she told me she is busy, work related stuff, considering what she does, I know her work takes time. She suggests to talk again about setting up a date next weekend or the week after. Just to be clear: To talk ABOUT setting up date, not set a date then.

    Any suggestions on a reply?

    Blake
    Blake
    Participant
    February 11, 2019 at 4:32 pm #194740
    Reply To: 3rd date on Valentine's day?

    Think of texing something along the lines of: “I absolutley understand if those are the real reasons and have no problem with that, but if you have doubts, unsure about how you feel, wan’t to take things slow, it’s fine to tell me that as well”.

    Blake
    Blake
    Participant
    February 11, 2019 at 5:00 pm #194744
    Reply To: 3rd date on Valentine's day?

    Ok, so I just ended up sending “Sure”.

    I assume, if she really likes me, she will come back something more concrete then telling me to have contact this weekend or next week to setup a date..

1 2