40 year old dating in NYC- so confused by this guy after 7 dates/3 months!

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40 year old dating in NYC- so confused by this guy after 7 dates/3 months!

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  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
    DatingAdvice.com
    November 11, 2019 at 9:23 pm FORUM ANNOUNCEMENT

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    jessica22
    jessica22
    Participant
    March 19, 2019 at 3:30 pm #197102
    40 year old dating in NYC- so confused by this guy after 7 dates/3 months!

    I went on a group trip to the Caribbean over New Year’s even where I met a great guy (his best friend invited me). We hit it off physically and verbally over the trip but kept our romance under wraps with our friends. After returning from 7 nights in paradise to a big city where we both reside, I wasn’t sure if this would carry on. I’ve now had 6/7 dates since we’ve been back. Mostly initiated by him in advance and consists of dinner out or a night in. Always just us two.

    WELL, his 40th birthday is now coming up and he put a big party invite on Facebook but has not invited me nor mentioned. I can see because some mutual friends are going. It’s not formal- about 100 people invited to a casual bar. I did see him last week for a date and thought for sure he’d mention.
    What am I to think? He must know I’ll see pics posted after the fact- 8 mutual friends are going. No one knows we have been dating though. Can is just be casual sex after 3 months?

    • This topic was modified 8 months ago by jessica22 jessica22.
    dashingscorpio
    dashingscorpio
    Participant
    March 22, 2019 at 6:32 pm #197466

    Yes it can be casual sex after 3 months and only 6/7 dates.
    Three months works out to be 12 weeks and he’s hooking up with you less than once a week on average.
    If a guy was truly “into you” he would be spending (multiple nights) with you during the week or full weekends.

    “No one knows we have been dating…”
    After three months??? Your status sounds like a “booty call” or “friends with benefits” arrangement.

    Having said that if you’re one of his “Facebook friends” his posting a party invite means you’re invited by default.
    It also means don’t expect him to “hang out” with you and he wants to keep your hookups on the down low.

    As far as most men are concerned if you have never had “the talk” about being (exclusive) it means you’re NOT.
    Hopefully you have been keeping your options open as well. If not, you should be.
    There is no such thing as being “exclusive friends”.

    omarito
    omarito
    Participant
    March 23, 2019 at 4:38 pm #197483

    Great

    nycasting13
    nycasting13
    Participant
    June 29, 2019 at 5:50 pm #203132

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    Brrr in Alaska
    Brrr in Alaska
    Participant
    June 29, 2019 at 7:19 pm #203134

    You mentioned twice that your relationship has been “in the closet”. Close friends don’t know? That’s a red flag right there. Either the both of you or at the very least one of you is not comfortable with this. That’s a recipe for disaster in itself. If the relationship feels real and right to the both of you, why all the secrecy?

    dy163
    dy163
    Participant
    June 30, 2019 at 12:25 pm #203144

    Ask him

    kerhart2572
    kerhart2572
    Participant
    July 14, 2019 at 8:48 pm #203643

    Just ask him. Life is too short to play games and beat around the bush.

    lilredwriter
    lilredwriter
    Participant
    July 15, 2019 at 10:11 am #203675

    At this age, none of us have time to play games. Just ask. If he’s cagey about it — move on. Don’t just show up or act hurt if he doesn’t invite you. Just move on. I have NO patience for this type of behavior. Why can’t people just be upfront?