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lovellia719ParticipantNovember 11, 2014 at 7:53 pm #67505
I’m in a bit of an odd situation. I recently started dating a man who is immaculately kind, generous, gets along with everyone; young and old, would drop everything to help someone in need, and is widely known (due to his profession and personality). Everyone that I meet through him tells me how I have one of the “greatest guys out there”. He said that women; especially me should be treated with appreciation and respect. His adoration for me has even led him to tell me that I’m “the one”. But here’s the catch: He’s 43 and lives with his mom. He said that he would do everything for me; so long as I accept her living with him (us) ALWAYS. She’s not disabled and she has friends and family that visit her frequently. I know that if I live with them, it will never be “our” house and that we’ll still have to live by her rules. Granted, she is a kind woman who’s equally as generous. But to never, EVER have our own house where we can do as we please is a massive hang-up to me. What should I do?
certifiedgirlgeekParticipantNovember 11, 2014 at 8:38 pm #67507
I know that relationships are about compromise, but there are certain things that you need to stand strong on. It sounds like you really want to build a life and a home with a man.
You can choose to give it time and see if you would be willing to accept being a part of their lives. Or, you can be honest and let him know your dreams and desires in a sensible manner. No tears, no yelling and no ultimatums. You don’t need them. Just as he came into your life, so will another.
I dated a man whose guilty mother treated him, and dobted over him, like a god. So when I didn’t, he dramatically broke up with me and threw fits when I didn’t run after him crying. I knew there were other men out there that were waiting to find me. I finally walked away and never looked back and now am in a healthy, loving relationship.
Follow your intuition, it won’t steer you wrong.
laylaParticipantDecember 1, 2014 at 12:07 pm #68453
I really wouldn’t go there. its not healthy.
You could consider suggesting buying a Scandinavian timber self assembly onsite house together, lay it on a site and you’ve a good start if finance is an issue. You can always build your dream home in the future and theres no pressure on you both.
Let him know that its a deal-breaker for you and unreasonable to expect it of you especially if there’s no apparent reason for his present living circumstances.
I guess mentally, its not healthy for a guy to still be that dependent as there is a co-dependency there no matter the situation or personalities involved. You need to be on an equal footing emotionally .financially etc to have a decent chance and give your future with this man a decent shot.
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