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BLawsonParticipantJune 12, 2014 at 1:38 pm #55229
So I’ve been single again since March, and something occurred to me- if you filter most dating advice and columns about what men and women want, meeting a girl you are interested in tends to break down into two categories:
Friend zone or sex. There’s no middle ground- men are taught that if you don’t immediately pursue a woman to the bedroom you’re not a man; and then someone else will jump in your place. My problem with this is it leaves no room for the idea of real connection. Do we just live for sex? Sex with people you don’t care about should be relatively easy to find for anyone.
When I meet a cute girl (90% of them are cute in Austin, so that’s never an issue), I’d like to get to know her a bit, to see if there is some genuine chemistry, before I pursue her romantically. Does this mean I should be written off as friend zone material? Is it better to pursue the sex, get it, and realize she’s not someone I’m interested in and cut my losses? We need a third option.
jayfadParticipantJune 12, 2014 at 8:53 pm #55280
I wish I had a good answer. I’m like you, I prefer to get to know a girl before jumping in bed with her. It’s risky though — you Meet a girl and get to know her. She then starts to consider you as a friend, so you effectively get friend-zoned. Then when you bring up the idea of something more you risk losing the friendship if she is not receptive to the idea. That’s happened to me several times. Of course, I started to care about them as friends as well and wanted more out of the relationship, but they did not. They then began to distance themselves. It hurt to lose a friendship.
So, I don’t know, maybe it is better to just casually date, and not bother with trying to get to know them or build up a friendship first.
MarcelloParticipantJune 13, 2014 at 8:23 pm #55353
How long do you guys usually take in escalating things further to the next level? If you’re attracting quality women into your lives then the fear of thinking “she’ll friendzone me” becomes irrelevant.
Women who are insecure will often play nonsensical games with their partner in order to see if they’re real or not.
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