About to ghost someone…

DATING ADVICE FORUM

About to ghost someone…

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    Novblues96
    Participant
    May 24, 2018 at 11:59 am #175173
    About to ghost someone…

    I’ll keep the background details brief: met a guy through tinder, he’s 2 years older than me (I’m 21), 3 dates, all of them VERY good. First drinks, second a picnic (his idea) and spent the entire day together and third an exhibition, dinner and drinks again. Now, the issues: I found out he came out of a long term relationship (4 years) 4-5 months ago, which makes me a bit suspicious as I don’t want to be a casual fling to patch up. Also, he will be gone for 3 months (dec to feb) next winter travelling around Brazil. On our third date he low-key suggested me to spend the night with him but since I had a cold didn’t push it too much. I’m not really ready and I fear not satisfying him because of my reserved personality. On the other hand I feel a bit guilty because I’ve been leading him on, but having sex out of inertia or guilt isn’t good for either of us. So this accumulated anxiety made opt for ghosting but I doubt this is right and I can still undo it. What should I do?


    Novblues96
    Participant
    May 24, 2018 at 12:05 pm #175179

    I must add, the reason why I’m hesitating so much is because he genuinely is a good guy. I usually never come across such nice dudes, and I’m tired of being used. I like his personality so much that sometimes I wish we had met in uni so he had been part of my circle of friends from the beginning instead of meeting through Tinder, which always has the sexual innuendo attached to it and feels a bit… artificial in a way. Or less organic.
    But at the same time I doubt my level of sexual attraction towards him, which makes me shy away of getting more intimate with him. I’m a living contradiction because at the same time I get all blushed and giddy when I think about other things we have done together and other flirtatious convos we have had. I don’t know…

    TheGuy
    TheGuy
    Participant
    May 24, 2018 at 5:52 pm #175241

    Well it seem You already know What is happening, some. Guys need sex, some don’t. Your teasing him. Yet his going to Brazil, is he really the right guy? You should tell him how You feel about it, but hey reward the guy For being nice, And tinder also a dating app,

    In my opinion You need More experience, maybe doing it wont be bad For You, it not the end of the world, Just use protection For gods sake,


    jason90
    Participant
    May 26, 2018 at 8:53 am #175383

    I honestly think your overthinking these “issues”. Let’s go through them:
    1) 4-5 months is a decent amount of time to get over a relationship. Has he indicated to you that he still has feelings for her/is trying to get back together? If not you should consider that he’s genuinely interested in a relationship.
    2) The fact he’ll be travelling for 3 months shouldn’t be a big issue. You’ve gone out 3 times and you’re planning something 6 months down the road. That’s not something most people do. I get that you’ve hit it off but you’re still thinking ahead of yourself.
    3) Asking you to stay the night is not an indication that he’s only looking for a hookup. You spent all day together so it’s natural for him to want to be intimate with you and 3 dates is fairly standard for a guy to make his move.

    If you’re really into this guy I suggest you take a chance and see where it goes.

    AlexInGren
    AlexInGren
    Participant
    May 26, 2018 at 12:55 pm #175385

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    RyanJayT
    RyanJayT
    Participant
    May 26, 2018 at 1:56 pm #175386

    I don’t see anything about you guys being physical yet. Have you even kissed?

    dashingscorpio
    dashingscorpio
    Participant
    May 27, 2018 at 10:15 pm #175407

    Here’s what you said so far…..
    “met a guy through tinder, he’s 2 years older than me (I’m 21), 3 dates, all of them VERY good”
    “I fear not satisfying him because of my reserved personality. I feel a bit guilty because I’ve been leading him on”
    “I must add, the reason why I’m hesitating so much is because {he genuinely is a good guy}. (I usually never come across such nice dudes.).”

    It’s not uncommon for a lot of young women date or pursue relationships with “bad boys”.
    After a series of dating jerks and a-holes they date “against type” which means they try dating a “nice guy” for a change.
    However they’re not comfortable so they sabotage things by dumping him, seeing another guy on the side, or ghosting.

    A most insightful statement: “I wish we had met in uni so he had been part of my circle of friends from the beginning instead of meeting through Tinder, which always has the sexual innuendo attached to it.” {You didn’t go on Tender to meet a “Nice Guy”!}


    Coach_Michael21
    Participant
    May 28, 2018 at 12:37 pm #175415

    I feel that a lot of the commenters here have summed up the gist of what you need to do, but I would like to add that, in your title, you said that you are thinking of “ghosting” him.

    I usually don’t recommend ghosting, especially if you guys have already gone out on 3 dates, and some sort of connection, however limited it is, has developed. If you’re going to look elsewhere, I would at the very least text him and let him know that you are not sure this is going to work out, and it might be best if you guys kept looking.


    foreverghosted86
    Participant
    June 2, 2018 at 11:04 am #175963

    Please dont ghost him. Even a txt to say that its not working out. Ghosting is cruel, especially if you have formed the beginnings of feelings for someone. To then be suddenly ghosted with no warning is horrible. It leaves the ghostee with unanswered questions. It is a vicious cycle, girl ghosts guy, that guy then develops a devil may care attitude and ghosts the next girl, and so on, until you have a situation where the 1st girl is quite possibly the one being ghosted by a guy that is actually ‘the one’.
    Hes a nice guy and you say you hardly ever come across nice guys? Thats because the majority have been hurt before (whether they admit it or not), and now take the f***boi route.

    Having said that, if you tell him that its not working out but he doesnt want to go seperate ways, then u cut contact in any manner u feel is right.
    gd luck