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SillyWomanParticipantAugust 24, 2018 at 5:00 pm #182633
In early June I met a guy online. A week or so later we met and had a very nice 1st date. I told him during that date that I intend to wait until marriage for sex. I told him if he had a problem with that we wouldn’t work out. He seemed fine with it and we had 4 more great dates. After the 5th date where we kissed for only the 2nd time in 2 months, he got really quiet. With a lot of work I got him to confess that he would want to know someone for a couple of years before marriage. He didn’t want to force me to break my commitment but he didn’t think he could wait all that time. Therefore he said we were doomed to failure.
I’ve never had any success in dating. I really like this guy and hate that this is being a roadblock to even getting to know him. I also know that only about 10% of couples wait for marriage. None of my friends did. I want to wait to protect my heart because to me sex is way more than a physical act to me. I have no one to turn to.
dizzyParticipantAugust 24, 2018 at 9:07 pm #182644
If abstinence is important to you then stick to it. Don’t break it because of some guy. Once you find the person right for you, he will believe you are worth waiting for. If he doesn’t, then he’s not right for you because he doesn’t respect your decision or your beliefs. It sounds hard. I can’t relate. But keep going.
SillyWomanParticipantAugust 25, 2018 at 6:10 pm #182657
Looking back at what he’s told me, it seems to be more about him feeling like he would pressure or hurt me without meaning or wanting to than it is about my abstinence. Is there something I might be able to say to convince him that we can make it together?
starcrossedParticipantAugust 27, 2018 at 8:33 am #182645
Consider that you said your reasoning for doing this is because “sex is way more than a physical act to me” and “I want to protect my heart.” Those statements imply that you think it isn’t to the man you’re with and you’re walking into a relationship guarded because you’re afraid of getting your heart broken. If nothing else, that will doom your relationship to failure. If he truly loves you, he doesn’t want to have sex with you just because he can. If he was in it for the sex he would have chosen to be with anyone else. You have to give him the benefit of the doubt if you want things to work out between you.
Physical affection is important to men because it’s how they express themselves. The fact this was brought up after the 2nd kiss in 2 months to me says that he’s disappointed that waiting til marriage apparently includes any form of physical affection.
Meaning no offense, but it sounds to me like you might need to consider the real reason you’re waiting til marriage.
KauaidoveParticipantAugust 27, 2018 at 2:37 pm #182771
Aloha, I absolutely love your commitment to yourself, however take it from me life doesn’t always conform to my ideals and fantasies. Truth be told sex is a natural and god gifted basic primal instinct that with out it we would have no society. Sex before dating is like trying on a pair of shoes before you buy them. How do you know they fit or are comfortable before you commit in buying them and take them home? I dated a woman for three months before we got extra physical and I never denied my true feelings and physical desires for her. In other words I was willing to wait until the moment was natural and organic and later I found out we were both fighting the physical desire for each other and she is my girl Freind today however the sex topic is still an issue with us. I’m very emotionally involved with her however she is still three four days out of the week emotionally physically unavailable to me for whatever reason. I’m glad I’m finding this out now than after marriage.
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