Abstinent, and dating a guy who doesn't want to wait

DATING ADVICE FORUM

Abstinent, and dating a guy who doesn't want to wait

    Author
    Comments
  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
    DatingAdvice.com
    December 12, 2018 at 11:15 pm FORUM ANNOUNCEMENT

    Hey DatingAdvice.com forum readers! Just a quick heads up that a few dating sites are offering a FREE trial to DatingAdvice forum readers. Try it now and meet local singles in just a few minutes! Here are the sites:

    Site Who You'll Meet Today's Deal
    Match.com Casual dating for ages 18-65 Get FREE access
    Elite Singles Educated professionals 25 and older Get FREE access
    AFF.com Hookups, casual encounters Get FREE access

    What are you waiting for? One mouse click could be all that stands between you and your next romance!

    SillyWoman
    SillyWoman
    Participant
    August 24, 2018 at 5:00 pm #182633
    Abstinent, and dating a guy who doesn't want to wait

    In early June I met a guy online. A week or so later we met and had a very nice 1st date. I told him during that date that I intend to wait until marriage for sex. I told him if he had a problem with that we wouldn’t work out. He seemed fine with it and we had 4 more great dates. After the 5th date where we kissed for only the 2nd time in 2 months, he got really quiet. With a lot of work I got him to confess that he would want to know someone for a couple of years before marriage. He didn’t want to force me to break my commitment but he didn’t think he could wait all that time. Therefore he said we were doomed to failure.

    I’ve never had any success in dating. I really like this guy and hate that this is being a roadblock to even getting to know him. I also know that only about 10% of couples wait for marriage. None of my friends did. I want to wait to protect my heart because to me sex is way more than a physical act to me. I have no one to turn to.

    dizzy
    dizzy
    Participant
    August 24, 2018 at 9:07 pm #182644

    If abstinence is important to you then stick to it. Don’t break it because of some guy. Once you find the person right for you, he will believe you are worth waiting for. If he doesn’t, then he’s not right for you because he doesn’t respect your decision or your beliefs. It sounds hard. I can’t relate. But keep going.

    SillyWoman
    SillyWoman
    Participant
    August 25, 2018 at 6:10 pm #182657

    Looking back at what he’s told me, it seems to be more about him feeling like he would pressure or hurt me without meaning or wanting to than it is about my abstinence. Is there something I might be able to say to convince him that we can make it together?

    starcrossed
    starcrossed
    Participant
    August 27, 2018 at 8:33 am #182645

    Consider that you said your reasoning for doing this is because “sex is way more than a physical act to me” and “I want to protect my heart.” Those statements imply that you think it isn’t to the man you’re with and you’re walking into a relationship guarded because you’re afraid of getting your heart broken. If nothing else, that will doom your relationship to failure. If he truly loves you, he doesn’t want to have sex with you just because he can. If he was in it for the sex he would have chosen to be with anyone else. You have to give him the benefit of the doubt if you want things to work out between you.

    Physical affection is important to men because it’s how they express themselves. The fact this was brought up after the 2nd kiss in 2 months to me says that he’s disappointed that waiting til marriage apparently includes any form of physical affection.

    Meaning no offense, but it sounds to me like you might need to consider the real reason you’re waiting til marriage.

    Kauaidove
    Kauaidove
    Participant
    August 27, 2018 at 2:37 pm #182771

    Aloha, I absolutely love your commitment to yourself, however take it from me life doesn’t always conform to my ideals and fantasies. Truth be told sex is a natural and god gifted basic primal instinct that with out it we would have no society. Sex before dating is like trying on a pair of shoes before you buy them. How do you know they fit or are comfortable before you commit in buying them and take them home? I dated a woman for three months before we got extra physical and I never denied my true feelings and physical desires for her. In other words I was willing to wait until the moment was natural and organic and later I found out we were both fighting the physical desire for each other and she is my girl Freind today however the sex topic is still an issue with us. I’m very emotionally involved with her however she is still three four days out of the week emotionally physically unavailable to me for whatever reason. I’m glad I’m finding this out now than after marriage.