Advice on next steps

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Advice on next steps

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  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
    DatingAdvice.com
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    jarednt1
    jarednt1
    Participant
    January 20, 2020 at 11:41 am #228092
    Advice on next steps

    Hello,

    I have been seeing this girl for one month now, we have gone out 4 times, and we speak on the phone quite regularly at-least 4-5 times a week. My question is at what point do I bring up the “talk”? While I like her, I am getting reluctant to move much forward and emotionally invested if its still dating while exploring our options, or “seeing each other as she puts it”. Also should be noted I am 39 and she is 44.

    The last time we went out the next morning (we stayed over) she hugged me, kissed me and said call me tonight.

    Thanks,
    J

    dashingscorpio
    dashingscorpio
    Participant
    January 21, 2020 at 1:47 pm #228156

    One month of knowing each other and only having 4 dates is WAY too soon to be having “the talk”.

    You didn’t mention how you met each other. If you met online and she’s got an active profile (slow down!)
    Odds are in such a scenario you are not the only guy reaching out to her.

    A lot of people HATE the whole “getting to know you” phase of dating.
    This causes them to rush into exclusive relationships with people they barely know.
    They want to tie someone down first and then find out later if they’re truly compatible.

    Others make the mistake of adopting a mindset they’re already in an exclusive relationship without the talk.
    Upon learning the person they’re dating is also seeing others causes them to feel betrayed or hurt.
    Never mind the fact they never claimed to be a “couple” or in a “committed relationship”.
    If you’re not in a relationship keep your options open by dating other people.

    Why do you want to have “the talk”? Are you falling in love? or You just HATE dating?
    Has she met your criteria for being your mate? Does she share your values? Do you believe she’s “the one”?

    TrueGUy
    TrueGUy
    Participant
    February 1, 2020 at 2:57 pm #228774

    If you make it to 10 or 11 dates she will say something like: “Where do you want to go with this relationship?” That’s Womanese for: “I want you to be my boyfriend exclusively.” So you’re not there yet. Your job as a man is to take her out on dates every 6 to 8 days and simply give her a good time, be light and humorous, don’t talk about heavy stuff like race, religion, politics, or sex. Don’t do any put-downs and don’t be negative when you are with her. Keep you hands to yourself, and let her initiate the touching. Women know when touching is appropriate.

    Although we have to take the lead in the relationship, women always know when and how to escalate things in a relationship. Just keep on giving her a good time on your dates and a deeper connection will simply develop as a result. I would also recommend reducing your phone convos with her as well. Use media only to set up dates, save your interesting convos for the dates.

    Good luck

    February 3, 2020 at 11:57 am #228840

    Be patient that’s the golden rule my friend. Give it some time and maybe it’ll feel more natural to bring it up. Good luck

    PolyPocket
    PolyPocket
    Participant
    February 3, 2020 at 9:13 pm #228901

    If you don’t feel ready to move forward with the relationship as yet, then there’s no need to have the talk. There’s no rush. You can bring it up if/when you feel things are moving too fast.

    jlsruby09
    jlsruby09
    Participant
    February 4, 2020 at 11:18 am #228930

    I have a very similar situation except I am a woman, 40 and he is 41. We’ve been in connection for about a month and seen each other 4 times only. The only thing I am confused on is that he says he is interested, he texts me every day, never calls, and every now and then will either say, “you wanna hang out?:” or if he’s going to be somewhere says, “you can come if you want to.” So, that says something opposite of interested to me. It is too soon to have THE talk but at the same time, don’t you think he should plan some dates, maybe even say he wants to see me again? Am I asking too much too soon? Could it be he is seeing other women? Also, I’m not sure about the affectionate thing. I thought the guy would lead that and touch me more and if I reciprocate, great but if not, he’d back off? His not touching me, makes me think I’m not attractive and he doesn’t want to touch me…which makes me think he doesn’t really want me to touch him.