After first date..

DATING ADVICE FORUM

After first date..

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  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
    DatingAdvice.com
    November 11, 2019 at 1:51 pm FORUM ANNOUNCEMENT

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    krystalviolin
    krystalviolin
    Participant
    March 10, 2019 at 8:01 am #196303
    After first date..

    I had a date two days ago. People who have read my previous threads know which guy he is and how I met him. To briefly summarize it: We had seen each other briefly at seminars and a concert and then he suddenly texted me and we have been texting, calling, snapping and flirting for about two months. We live pretty far away from each other but he travels around a lot and now we finally had a date. In a restaurant. It was good. But it could have been better. I have often heard that dinner dates aren’t recommended for a first date because they can be awkward and you should rather have an activity or walk around. But we didn’t have many options and finally needed to meet. He was very nice the whole time and paid and everything. At the beginning it was really nice, we were talking well and the food was delicious. We also had dessert and switched our desserts to try it out.. Anyhow, I asked him how his puberty was and if anything crazy happened, just to have something to talk about.

    krystalviolin
    krystalviolin
    Participant
    March 10, 2019 at 8:08 am #196304

    And then he asked me: what about my past. And I just told him about a former best friend that had bad influence on me and hit on my ex boyfriend and stuff. I really regret talking about it and mentioning my ex just in a side sentence.. Because then my date asked: “If we’re already talking about this
    How many boyfriends have you had?” Something like this.. And I just thought ‘No, I don’t wanna talk about this already.’ But I was stupid and told him my ex was my first love and stuff and I AM SO STUPID. Why did I do that?! I just stopped talking and my date said I didn’t have to talk about it if I didn’t want to. But from there the date became kinda awkward and I really don’t know if he still likes me.. We sat in the restaurant about 2,5 hours and then he had to leave for his train because he had a 4 hour trip in front of him (told ya, he’s busy and travels around a lot). We hugged each other goodbye. When I got home he texted me if I had arrived home.

    krystalviolin
    krystalviolin
    Participant
    March 10, 2019 at 8:13 am #196305

    And I answered him. Then he asked what I would do this evening and I told him I would workout after all the food. Then he texted the next morning: “Good morning 🙂 Yeah, I will have to practice the trumpet instead of working out here” And I waited until the evening to answer him because I was studying yesterday and didn’t wanna seem needy in a way? I answered: “That’s fine, that also burns calories.” And then he read the message and didn’t answer me since then. Which is very unlikely for him. He could be busy right now.. I am focusing on studying for my exams next week but I feel like this first date might have made me seem less attractive than his expectations were? And I know this sounds like I have loow self esteem. I just don’t if I should text him and be really nice (I heard guys like it when girls text them first) or would that seem needy?

    dashingscorpio
    dashingscorpio
    Participant
    March 10, 2019 at 1:52 pm #196310

    Feel free to text him or better yet CALL to see how things are going with him.
    At this point after “texting, calling, snapping and flirting for about two months” you should be talking more than texting.

    Yes you made two big “first date” mistakes getting too personal and bringing up ex boyfriends.
    Asking someone if anything “crazy” happened during their puberty is not an appropriate date question period.
    Even if something “crazy” happened why would you believe he would want to “relive the experience” on a first date?
    Bringing up (exes) only makes your date imagine you being with (someone else).

    First dates are about establishing rapport and chemistry to determine compatibility.
    What’s your favorite…If you could go anywhere you’ve never been where would you go?

    Having said that you also should be keeping your options open by going out and dating other guys.
    You are becoming way too emotionally invested in someone you barely know and who is “geographically undesirable”.

    krystalviolin
    krystalviolin
    Participant
    March 11, 2019 at 4:43 pm #196443

    okay, this guy seems kinda less interested in me over text.. it could be because he gave me many compliments on the date but now that i think back, i didn’t give him any. until before the date, he texted me back and seemed excited and stuff.. today, I caught him being online but not opening our chat. And no I’m not stalking him. He also used to snap me selfies until before the date. Now he just sends me pictures of things to keep the streak. I feel like he lost interest.. and what drives me crazy is that him being less communicative makes me constantly think of him! And I don’t want to have to think about him and be so dependent! I don’t know if I should keep texting him (after he answers me first of course) and stay nice and maybe even ask if we have a second date? I do wanna show him I’m thankful for the first date and that he paid for everything
    . Or should I also not text and make him miss me? To see if he is actually interested and contacts me on his own?

    krystalviolin
    krystalviolin
    Participant
    March 11, 2019 at 4:43 pm #196444

    I would also like to hear a guy’s opinion on this.

    dashingscorpio
    dashingscorpio
    Participant
    March 11, 2019 at 5:06 pm #196455

    As I stated earlier you should be going out with OTHER guys!

    Surly there most be men who live less than {100 miles} away from you.
    Odds were against this becoming anything serious to begin with.
    Stop trying to “figure out” this guy. If a man is truly into you HE will pursue YOU.

    You said: ” I {caught him being online} but not opening our chat.”
    And then you said you weren’t “stalking him” because that sounds exactly like what you’re doing.

    ” I feel like he lost interest.. and what drives me crazy is that him being less communicative makes me constantly think of him!”
    (That’s exactly how stalkers think and behave!) Love yourself enough Not To Pursue people who aren’t interested in YOU.
    It’s easier to stop thinking about one man when you are dating and going out with Other men.

    In a world with over 7 Billion people rejection just means: NEXT!

    Best wishes!
    p.s. You may want to read: My Cat Won’t Bark! (A Relationship Epiphany)

    krystalviolin
    krystalviolin
    Participant
    March 11, 2019 at 5:16 pm #196457

    so it’s true he rejected me?
    The problem is: I’m a high school student and there is no way I will find someone around here which means for the timebeing it’s this guy or no guy. Of course that would change as soon as I’m done with school or maybe I will meet someone.. Thing is: I’m stuck.
    And my problem is: I KNOW I should be loving myself, focus on myself and be confident but it’s easier said than done! I mean this guy is beautiful and I had a first date with him. I can’t control my thoughts, can I?

    dashingscorpio
    dashingscorpio
    Participant
    March 11, 2019 at 5:44 pm #196460

    Yes you CAN control your thoughts by replacing them with other thoughts.
    Girls pursuing guys who aren’t interested in them oftentimes get used for sex and dumped.
    Truth be told no guy in his teens or 20s is looking to “settle down”.

    In the U.S. the average age a person loses their virginity is at age 17
    The average age of a first time bride is 27 and for groom it’s 29.
    A lot of people actually don’t start thinking about marriage or settling down until in their early 30s.
    Therefore the odds of meeting your “soulmate” in your teens is very low to begin with!

    The unfortunate thing about being young is all you can imagine is RIGHT NOW.
    The truth of the matter is your teenage years are just a blip on the screen of your life.

    Self-esteem is a gift you give yourself.
    Surly there are guys at your high school and as well as other high schools in your immediate area with guys you could date.
    Not every girl who goes to your school is chasing after a guy who lives 100 miles away!

    krystalviolin
    krystalviolin
    Participant
    March 12, 2019 at 1:29 am #196474
    Reply To: After first date..

    in fact, i know a few girls who have long distance relationships. also, i didn’t say he was my soulmate and that i would marry him. we could just have a relationship for some time.

    freshman176
    freshman176
    Participant
    March 12, 2019 at 2:59 am #196476
    Reply To: After first date..

    Long distance only works for certain people

    liberty-john
    liberty-john
    Participant
    March 12, 2019 at 7:41 am #196483
    Reply To: After first date..

    It’s a vision issue. Not a detail issue.

    If you ask him for his vision, for you and him, or for his vision separately (first), then you have something to build off of.

    I’d recommend doing this over the phone because you then have a reason for calling him if you’d like to.

    If you ask about his vision, for this year, for the next months, for him, for you, for the both of you, he has certain responses to that.

    If he responds with “I’d like to see you more” then you have a rock to stand on. And then you can ask him about what he’s going to do about that wish of his. He might come up with very surprising answers.

    dashingscorpio
    dashingscorpio
    Participant
    March 12, 2019 at 11:31 am #196534
    Reply To: After first date..

    Long distance relationships were meant to be temporary. The goal is to be with the person you love.
    Whenever there’s “no light at the end of the tunnel” whereby someone will relocate to be with the other couples drift apart.
    It’s the counting down of the months, weeks, and days until one is done with the inconvenience of being in a LDR that keeps it strong!

    You said: “we could just have a relationship for {some time}”
    So basically you are knowingly setting yourself up for a potential heartache and breakup down the road!
    If you know/believe something will fail it makes no sense to (choose) to become emotionally invested.
    You’re already too invested with the guy and you’re not even in a relationship with him!

    The only valid reason for being in a long distance relationship is because you believe you’ve found “the one”.
    If you’re just dating someone for the FUN of it you might as well do that locally.
    Odds are you’re overlooking guys or have placed “nice guys” in your friend zone.

    krystalviolin
    krystalviolin
    Participant
    March 12, 2019 at 2:50 pm #196572
    Reply To: After first date..

    I’m not invested on him. Like I don’t have a crazy crush for him, it just felt nice when he complimented me and I see potential to keep liking him more on more dates. Or maybe we will become very good friends, who knows? We did get along well.. The reason why I overthink so much and ask so many questions is because I have never been in a relationship before (at 12 doesn’t count).

    arethamorce
    arethamorce
    Participant
    March 14, 2019 at 4:01 am #196679
    Reply To: After first date..

    after the first date stop trying to impress her show to her who you really are naturally hahaha. her reaction will show if shes really on to you

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