Am I an idiot? Am I over-analyzing and over-reacting?

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Am I an idiot? Am I over-analyzing and over-reacting?

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  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
    DatingAdvice.com
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    ThrowawayAnon
    ThrowawayAnon
    Participant
    June 6, 2020 at 7:48 pm #234713
    Am I an idiot? Am I over-analyzing and over-reacting?

    So there is this woman at work whom I have known for 3 years but have not spoken with much. I found her attractive but was completely content with that neutrality feeling. 6 months ago, she starts giving me lots of attention out of the blue and I do not know why.I am pretty positive she was flirting or negging me on numerous occasions. A coworker of mine even told me that she thought I was cute.

    The last straw for me was when she asked about my dating life, joking if I had a lot of girlfriends. So I ask her out to coffee and get her number. I text her the following day. No response. I text her next week asking for coffee and she says no, telling me that she does not like mixing her work life with her personal life.

    I took this as a clear rejection at first. But later, she still says hi to me, giving me a very deep stare at times. I have been avoiding her, but still feel self-doubt. Was she playing hard to get? How do I find closure or cope with this? Does pursuing ever work?

    dashingscorpio
    dashingscorpio
    Participant
    June 8, 2020 at 3:27 am #234725

    “..there is this woman at work whom I have known for 3 years but have not spoken with much.”

    “I text her..No response.”

    “I text her next week asking for coffee and she says no…”

    “..telling me that she does not like mixing her work life with her personal life.”

    “How do I find closure or cope with this?”

    First of all you were never in a relationship so you shouldn’t need any “closure”!
    Some people like to flirt and be friendly at work even if they’re in a relationship or married.
    Nevertheless you have to decide whether or not you can be content with just being friendly co-workers.

    In this age of “no means no” it’s best not to pursue a woman who has told you she doesn’t mix work with her personal life.
    To do otherwise may cause you to be accused of (sexual harassment in the workplace)
    Respect her boundaries and pursue other women for romance. It’s not as if there is a shortage of them.

    In a world with over 7 Billion people rejection just means: Next!
    Best wishes!

    blueberries
    blueberries
    Participant
    June 11, 2020 at 12:12 pm #234860

    It seems to me like she’s toying with you. If she was clearly giving you signals and you reacted on them fairly soon, for her to say that’s she’s not mixing work life with personal, I’d say she doesn’t want anything specific, but she maybe enjoys you two flirting etc.

    Regarding of should you pursue, I’d say, if you want to, keep being flirty with her and if there’s a chance of her showing that she want more, do it then, but at the time being, I don’t think that chasing would help.

    Gman237
    Gman237
    Participant
    June 23, 2020 at 2:57 pm #235116

    If it were me, I’d take that as a clear hint that she’s not interested, but it seems like she still wants to be friends. I’d say just try to move on and find a different girl. Still try and remain friends with her, but that’s it.

    G2020W
    G2020W
    Participant
    June 29, 2020 at 1:22 pm #235198

    Do not mix business with pleasure as if leads to a very hard work life if things go sour in the personal life. I’ve in the same situation now with a work colleague and it’s heart breaking having to see him every day.

    Gambit
    Gambit
    Participant
    July 8, 2020 at 4:58 pm #235325

    Sounds pretty confusing. I’ve hooked up with some girls from school and work a few times. Only 2 of those actually became something more. I’d try to play it off cool and see if she makes any more moves. Otherwise, just try to move on.