Am I asking for too much?

DATING ADVICE FORUM

Am I asking for too much?

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  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
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    andrea_124
    andrea_124
    Participant
    July 7, 2018 at 11:37 pm #178707
    Am I asking for too much?

    So I’ve been dating this guy now for 6 months. We are not official yet but we’re exclusive. We also had our talk in person and he said that he is serious about me and with his feelings. We already exchanges the L word. The thing is there are times where he didn’t pay much attention to me. Not sending me goodmorning and goodnight message and a long gap between his replies. Don’t get me wrong it’s not that I want to talk to him every minute. I like a attention specially with someone I’m attracted to but I know my limits. If someone is busy then he better tell me and I’ll understand it. I already opened this up with him when he ask me if I’m still ok with him.

    Now he is on vacation and I expect some delays with his reply. But there are times when he didn’t even open my message and yet I saw that he posted something on instagram. Twice in a row that he fell asleep before even saying goodnight. And now no morning message at all.

    Am I asking too much?

    thisguy9
    thisguy9
    Participant
    July 8, 2018 at 1:06 am #178709

    In my opinion, slightly yes. There is a line between neediness and disconnect, a line that lost me the love of my life twice. I was too needy at first, we broke up and got back together after a couple months, then in an effort to not be needy I was too distant. That type of neediness cannot sustain a relationship for the long haul. The most important thing in this situation is communication. Make sure to let him know how you feel and what you want and expect. If you don’t then it’ll just fester and become a bigger problem than it is. It isn’t a major problem to begin with, so consider yourself lucky.

    dashingscorpio
    dashingscorpio
    Participant
    July 8, 2018 at 12:55 pm #178719

    “I’ve been dating this guy now {for 6 months}. We are {not official} yet but (we’re exclusive).”
    “We also had our talk in person and he said that he is serious about me and with his feelings.
    We already exchange the L word.”

    In (Your Mind) WHAT (More) would YOU (need) to make it “Official”???

    Seriously: You’ve had the talk, you’re in an (exclusive relationship), and saying “I love you” to each other.

    Everyone has their own idea of what love is supposed to feel like, look like, and how people “in love” should act like.
    If a person doesn’t feel loved it doesn’t matter what is in their mate’s heart.
    Ultimately their goal is to find someone who will love them {the way} they want to be loved.

    People say: “If you loved me you would…etc”
    They want to CHANGE how their mate expresses love.

    There are only two ways to experience joy and peace of mind in relationships.
    We either get what we want or we learn to be happy with what we have.
    Accept them (as is) or move on.

    andrea_124
    andrea_124
    Participant
    July 9, 2018 at 8:20 am #178708

    If yes please help me what to do? I want this one work. I’ve been in a long 6 yrs relationship before while the guy I’m dating now has been single for too long. Thanks everyone 🙂

    andrea_124
    andrea_124
    Participant
    July 9, 2018 at 8:20 am #178712

    I think that’s my problem. I’m not so open about my issues. I believe I was too needy also on my last relationship before this. It was a long term relationship and I want to change that side of me for this one. I want this to work and will try my best to be open about it. Thanks a lot

    dashingscorpio
    dashingscorpio
    Participant
    July 9, 2018 at 1:35 pm #178795

    “…the guy I’m dating now has been single for too long.”
    There’s no such thing! Some people actually enjoy being single.
    Most people want to be loved for who they are. He may not be right for you.

    Whenever someone’s not happy being in a long-term loving monogamous relationship it usually means they want to get married.
    I’ve known women who have everything they say they want in relationship but if the guy doesn’t propose they’ll sabotage.
    If you’re in an “exclusive relationship” where there’s love & monogamy you’re doing better than a lot of married couples!
    Commitment is a behavior and not a marital status! There are lots of married couples who cheat on each other.

    One woman finally explained it this way.
    “Yes, you can have a commitment without marriage.”
    “However marriage means he can’t just up and walk away in 10 years leaving you with nothing to show for it.”

    For her “commitment” was really about having some legal measure of financial security or access to assets.

    DripCoffee
    DripCoffee
    Participant
    July 12, 2018 at 1:12 am #179102

    Everyone has a different idea of how commitment should work. My friend started exclusively dating a guy who really tried to woo her, and they got along swimmingly. But she was starting to feel very emotionally connected to him and they hadn’t had the talk to establish “what” they were. She told him that having a title is something that would put her at ease and they ended up doing just that. He hadn’t considered even having a title before, regardless of that fact that he saw her as his girlfriend.

    My sister, on the other hand, ended up dating her now husband and they never even had the exclusive talk. It just sort of migrated into deeper commitments until she moved in with him. Now they are starting a family together.

    So first of all, it sounds like he is your boyfriend. But if you really need that title from him, then it’s okay to ask for it. Second of all, give him the space you both deserve and try not to fret over hours passed between texts.

    k1991
    k1991
    Participant
    July 13, 2018 at 8:33 pm #179322

    I’m a guy going through almost the exact same thing. Girl I’m seeing, barely texts me, on vacation right now. I feel like if I text her I’m coming off as annoying. Therefore I’m doing everything I can not to text her. It sucks because I’m super into her and all I want is her attention.

    So in the meantime I’m trying to do my own thing, and apparently posting on online dating advice forums lol…

    beeyoga
    beeyoga
    Participant
    July 14, 2018 at 12:17 pm #179343
    Reply To: Am I asking for too much?

    Six months is still a rather new relationship. Some men can take longer to truly commit making them seem a detached when you are desiring more security. Give it some time and share your feelings, but make sure not to come off as accusing him of something. If over time things do not improve, it is time to consider the fact that the two of you may not be compatible.

    Miril
    Miril
    Participant
    July 19, 2018 at 6:45 am #179790
    Reply To: Am I asking for too much?

    To be honest, not really

    Newatit
    Newatit
    Participant
    July 21, 2018 at 6:59 pm #180044
    Reply To: Am I asking for too much?

    You’re not asking too, maybe he’s pulling away.

    gaylehannah
    gaylehannah
    Participant
    July 22, 2018 at 11:41 am #180049
    Reply To: Am I asking for too much?

    Yes

    Firas
    Firas
    Participant
    July 23, 2018 at 2:56 am #180061
    Reply To: Am I asking for too much?

    No. Ur not asking Enough

    Therefore u need to open the subject again and this time don’t leave until you get the right answer

    Good luck

    creepedout38
    creepedout38
    Participant
    July 24, 2018 at 4:13 am #180113
    Reply To: Am I asking for too much?

    Yeah maybe you should talk to him about his matter coz there’s a possibility that he is pulling away. After that, start thinking and making desicions.

    Khelly
    Khelly
    Participant
    July 28, 2018 at 7:44 am #180417
    Reply To: Am I asking for too much?

    I personally think you are not asking too much!

    Why don’t you talk to him about it? Get the answer and you can decide whether you want to stick around or move on.

    Keep the option open but time is precious.

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