Am i being strung along?

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Am i being strung along?

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  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
    DatingAdvice.com
    July 7, 2020 at 12:23 am FORUM ANNOUNCEMENT

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    Littleone3
    Littleone3
    Participant
    January 15, 2020 at 4:18 pm #227887
    Am i being strung along?

    Liked this guy since we met 16 years ago. Im 38 hes 45
    We went on 2 dates about 10 years ago to which he said he liked me since day one as well.
    We didnt get it together properly due to, hey i dont actualy know.
    Turned out a while later he just wasnt sure what i wanted. Appoligised for not sortung it out and asked ti be with me but i was with someone else then.
    life happened, weve both been in long term relationships and had a child each.
    Both have broken up with those relationships and randomly bumped into each other. Defo still attracted to each other. He asked me out but i had to say no as i was still living with my ex and just didtnt want to complicate things.
    Then he contatced me later and said he would love to catch up soon.
    I said great as ex moving out soon.
    We exchanged text and confimred we both want to date and see how it goes.
    Then we arranged a date. To which he couldnt make .
    Then all we done is messge each other . He still wants to see me but no actual date !?

    Littleone3
    Littleone3
    Participant
    January 15, 2020 at 4:18 pm #227888

    Alao i feel like i initiate the messages more then him.

    billvm
    billvm
    Participant
    January 15, 2020 at 5:30 pm #227896

    Seems to me that sixteen years ago, you were both on the right track towards a solid relationship. Younger and less wounded by toxic relationships that accrue over the years for all of us.

    That you both find yourselves single again and communicating confirms that there is still something, all these years later, that has potential to rekindle what once was.

    So why is it not happening? Just messaging each other is distant and detached. Face to face is the human way to go about finding out if you were meant for each other. Or not.

    Send him a clear message from your heart. How do you feel about him now? A message of depth not generalities. Ask him directly why he is not committing to a date.

    You will have that answer of yes or no. Not maybe.

    My assumption is that there something here that is blocking both of you from getting together again. Could be that he is reluctant to commit. A fear of rejection. Or the magic of sixteen years ago has disappeared.

    Communicate from the heart

    Anna78
    Anna78
    Participant
    January 15, 2020 at 8:07 pm #227898

    Honestly, I think you’re making it too complicated.
    Forget the past, if you’re interested in each other now… just go for it.
    Neither of you have anything to lose. Be clear & specific about your interest.
    If he feels the same, he will meet up with you. 🙂
    Sounds like he is interested as well and just needs a clear set date.

    Littleone3
    Littleone3
    Participant
    January 16, 2020 at 8:24 am #227901

    @anna…i agrree its from here and now that counts. Weve made it clear we like each other but i can get an actual date! Lol…im trying to just go fpr it but he seems a little aloof . Says things like would love to meet up soon but never giving a date. Maybe hes keeping his options open. I got asked out by another guy too so i can also keep options open but the first guy is who i really like.

    dashingscorpio
    dashingscorpio
    Participant
    January 16, 2020 at 1:24 pm #227927

    Stop “romanticizing obstacles”!

    It’s so easy to get caught up in the star crossed lovers with “bad timing” scenario.
    The truth of the matter is it shouldn’t be this “hard” for two people who (actually) WANT to get together!

    You should be keeping your options open by dating multiple guys.
    Don’t allow yourself to become emotionally invested too quickly with anyone.
    Unless there’s been a discussion where both people mutually decided to be a “couple” it’s a “situationship” not a relationship.

    Move on!

    Caroline24122
    Caroline24122
    Participant
    January 17, 2020 at 5:19 pm #228058

    An interesting story, but I would not want to be in your place

    Suckatdating
    Suckatdating
    Participant
    January 20, 2020 at 7:00 am #228077

    Stop “romanticizing obstacles”!

    It’s so easy to get caught up in the star crossed lovers with “bad timing” scenario.
    The truth of the matter is it shouldn’t be this “hard” for two people who (actually) WANT to get together!

    You should be keeping your options open by dating multiple guys.
    Don’t allow yourself to become emotionally invested too quickly with anyone.
    Unless there’s been a discussion where both people mutually decided to be a “couple” it’s a “situationship” not a relationship.

    Move on!

    Hi there. This was a good reply. I also agree that if two really wanna meet they will find a way to do that… easy to get catched in this string along trap. Wish you luck🍀

    sarah2020
    sarah2020
    Participant
    February 1, 2020 at 10:29 am #228764

    I don’t think it matters if you initiate communication. Just make sure you aren’t just looking for a rebound

    EmeraldT
    EmeraldT
    Participant
    February 2, 2020 at 9:09 pm #228790

    He might have lost interest when you said no. Reach out again and just try one more time

    bharris1
    bharris1
    Participant
    February 3, 2020 at 1:29 am #228794
    Reply To: Am i being strung along?

    Sounds like my situation, I have known this guy for 17 years. We decided to start seeing each other again after 17 years. I know he is seeing other women but he tells me he wants to work on a relationship with me. My problem is that he is not physically available to me. Maybe I want more then what he is willing to give. When we are together we have a great time, but I just don’t want to give my heart away just o get hurt. So, I think I will back off and let him work for the relationship if he truly wants one with me. I stayed single for 17 years just to keep my sanity.

    Grilp
    Grilp
    Participant
    February 8, 2020 at 4:07 pm #229330
    Reply To: Am i being strung along?

    11 Signs You’re Being Strung Along – Vocal
    If you’re being strung along, you’ll often know because he’ll snap to attention and ramp up his efforts the moment he sees you flirting with another guy—or worse, walking away. Then, if you decide to choose the stringer over the guy who was actually interested, his efforts will die out again.

    guitarmonster
    guitarmonster
    Participant
    February 12, 2020 at 11:45 am #229516
    Reply To: Am i being strung along?

    I can definitely speak to this from a man’s perspective. Based on what you have said, I think he really likes you, and I mean he may really, really like you, a lot. I can’t stress that enough.

    I have kind of been in his situation, actually, there is a girl that I have known for years that I have always kind of had an interest in. She’s amazing in every way, and has a lot of the qualities I like. The most important is I’m just attracted to her, it’s something that I haven’t been able to shake off.

    I try to message her and talk to her from time to time, but I find myself hesitating. I try to move things along, but once again I find myself hesitating. I am hesitating because I’m afraid of permanently ruining things with her by making the wrong move. My instinct is to just meet up with her and just flat out put it on the table, but my fear is that she will not only reject me (could be for a number of reasons), and that following she will basically ghost me.

    guitarmonster
    guitarmonster
    Participant
    February 12, 2020 at 11:47 am #229517
    Reply To: Am i being strung along?

    So with that said, invite him to something, or allow yourself to get invited. The fact that you both talked and basically told each other that you want to date each other should be enough. I tell girls I want to date them, and they allow their insecurities to actually convince themselves otherwise. I’ve had girls literally say to me “you don’t like me” when I tell them I do. Many women have self-sabotaged their chances by doing things like this.

    One thing I can tell you is if a girl I knew told me she was interested in me, I would be flattered. Even if I didn’t have an interest in her I wouldn’t ghost her or cut her off, I wouldn’t avoid her or anything. She wouldn’t ruin anything by trying. If you don’t try enough, he is going to start thinking you just don’t like him.

    sgms2287
    sgms2287
    Participant
    February 25, 2020 at 3:51 pm #230455
    Reply To: Am i being strung along?

    Just be blunt and firm about it. Just be like if you really want to date me then let’s do this and give it a shot. Tell him not to message you again until he’s actually ready to go out and if he flakes on you again dump his ass.

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