Annoying mother in law… what to do?

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Annoying mother in law… what to do?

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  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
    DatingAdvice.com
    December 12, 2018 at 2:21 pm FORUM ANNOUNCEMENT

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    Lovely346__
    Lovely346__
    Participant
    May 22, 2018 at 5:42 pm #174958
    Annoying mother in law… what to do?

    I am in a relationship with my high school sweet heart, we are engaged and due to get married next year in March. We have been together 8 years and have 3 sons together. We have our own everything, and now we are working hard saving towards getting us a house and focus on our future. Only thing is his mom, I really need advice. To get to the point, his mom has always lived with his dad and his dad mom which is his grandma. She has lived there for as long as I known them. He has 2 other sisters, the youngest which live with his mom and dad. His mom and dad aren’t married, and his dad doesn’t do anything for his mom and sister. His dad treats his mom like crap and doesnt care nothing for her, but she wont leave. They stay about a hour and a half away from us. His mom and dad do not work, everytime his mom gets a job she only works a few weeks and stop. She have been saying every year how she wants to move closer to us, she will get a job here stay with my fiance aunt work a few weeks and

    Lovely346__
    Lovely346__
    Participant
    May 22, 2018 at 5:45 pm #174959

    Go right back to his dad. Long story short around this time last year she asked to stay with us just her and I let her. She got a job at walmart work for about 2 weeks then went right back to my fiance dad. Now she always asking us for money saying she doesnt have money for food, cell phone bill etc. Its starting to really get under my skin and it’s annoying because she gets mad when my fiance doesnt give her money. It’s like she doesnt think that we have kids and Bills of our own. Now shes trying to move up here with us and bring her youngest daughter to. She said shes trying to find a job and a place to stay. I dont mind helping people, but it’s the fact we have a small 2 bedroom apt, we only got enough money to grocery shop and feed us and our kids, and she cant drive so we will have to take her everywhere. She want to stay for a whole entire month, on the other hand his aunt has a 5 bedroom house and will not let her stay there because of the repeatedly thing she does every year.

    veronicah
    veronicah
    Participant
    May 22, 2018 at 11:24 pm #174966

    That is a tough one. You can’t just cut her loose but you can be honest with her and establish boundaries as well as what you are and are not comfortable with. Perhaps she can come for less time or she can stay at a hotel if it becomes too much. If finances are a problem for the hotel option, I would have her over but for less time and just tell her that it is difficult on you guys to have her there for an extended time. She may be offended initially but it is better to be honest.

    Lovely346__
    Lovely346__
    Participant
    May 23, 2018 at 8:34 am #174960

    . I told him no she cant and he said no, now his aunt trying to give him a life speech about helping others and he having a change of heart. Adding 2 more people to our house whole will just put more pressure on us. Until she find a job we will have to feed her and his sister. Use gas to take her where she need to go, make space for them to sleep. Am I being mean??? I just need advice on what I should do what someone else think?

    thegang
    thegang
    Participant
    May 23, 2018 at 8:53 pm #175097

    I agree with everyone else

    Savykitty
    Savykitty
    Participant
    May 30, 2018 at 2:15 pm #175645

    All you can do is explain to him that you and your family is stretched too thin for this to work. Be sympathetic but also explain that you really CAN’T help. You don’t have the money nor the space. Tell him that of course you would if you could but that the fact is that you really can’t. Ask him where you would find the money and space for these two people. Express that you also feel bad for the situation (even if you really don’t) but that you just can’t do it because of the money and space. Don’t make it a fight, just explain why your family can’t. It’s not your responsibility to house this woman, mother in law or not.

    sarahanry335
    sarahanry335
    Participant
    June 3, 2018 at 6:54 am #175986

    i also agree with everyone else

    dashingscorpio
    dashingscorpio
    Participant
    June 3, 2018 at 3:35 pm #175994

    Your problem is with your soon to be husband not your future mother-in-law.
    If you were truly {on the same page} the two of you would have shut this down.

    Clearly the problem is she doesn’t want to work. She wants someone to provide a roof over her head.
    That’s the reason she keeps going back to stay with her ex. It beats living in a shelter.
    If she was willing to work she could probably get her own studio apartment, find a senior apartment depending on her age, or rent a mobile home.

    People who are looking to be “rescued” as opposed to being “helped” will drain the life out of you if you’ll allow them.
    The best thing anyone can do is to help her create a resume and find a job via Indeed dot com or LinkedIn so she can afford her own place to stay.