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SilverPlace2018ParticipantNovember 7, 2018 at 10:31 pm #188974
I have this friend who came into my life when my marriage ended. We both were separated & divorcing. We got romantic, I fell in love & he broke it off. It felt like someone dropped a dump truck on my chest. Since 2013, we have been talking since we are still friends & he asks if I’m divorced yet. I still am not due to arguments between the ex & I about terms to get a noncontested divorce. As soon as he hears I’m not divorced, his smile fades & I don’t hear from him again for a while. Well, I have been dating. It never lasts long before I end it. My last relationship ended three months ago & my parents told me to have a heart to heart with the friend. They say I’m only dating to replace him & that I’m using these men to keep myself from wanting him. I admit for 2 years after we parted, I was a mess. I did stupid things to stop hurting. But I don’t hurt like that anymore. I don’t see it. Are they right? I thought I’d let him go finally even if he’s still attractive to me.
SilverPlace2018ParticipantNovember 7, 2018 at 10:36 pm #188975
He has said he regrets walking away. He will occasionally flirt but then he backs off again saying we are friends and that’s it. My parents say he’s interested but if he was, wouldn’t he have made a move? I work hard to stay at a friend level with him because I never felt heart break like that before. I finally could listen to the radio without thinking about him and seeing him in town doesn’t make my stomach drop anymore. I feel like I can be his friend without asking for more. So how can my parents be right if he doesn’t make a move and I don’t feel so lovesick anymore?
dashingscorpioParticipantNovember 8, 2018 at 12:46 pm #189035
It was a mistake to try to be “friends” with an ex after being dumped.
People offer friendship as a “consolation prize” so they won’t feel like the “bad guy” for ending a relationship.
The person who got dumped settles for friendship while secretly hoping for a possible reconciliation.
It’s unrealistic to expect to go from being “red hot lovers” to “instant platonic friends” resembling siblings.
Your ex is the last person who can help you get over him. You have to let go to move on.
You should have cut off all times, deleted phone numbers and email addresses, unfriend him in social media.
Everyone loves a good breakup and makeup love story where the couple ends up living happily ever ending.
They want to believe that out of 7 BILLION people on the planet their (ex) is the only one who “get them”.
In order for your (ex) to have been “the one” he would have had to see (you) as being “the one”.
At the very least a “soulmate” is someone who actually wants to be with you!
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