Bachelor Men Over 40 Who Have Never Been Married

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Bachelor Men Over 40 Who Have Never Been Married

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  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
    DatingAdvice.com
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    greenbook
    greenbook
    Participant
    August 24, 2018 at 1:09 am #182493
    Bachelor Men Over 40 Who Have Never Been Married

    I’ve read more than a few articles over the years that when it comes to online dating, any man who is 40 or over and who has never been married is a major red flag for women. I’ve heard the same concern expressed in other places. I can understand the instinctual response from women: any such man must be emotionally immature, a player or a commitment-phobe. Well, I would like to express a different reason: from 15, 19, 25, 29, 33, 27, 42 and 45 I’ve never wanted to have children. I read a stat recently that the overwhelming majority of women between the ages of 40-44 have given biological birth. If you add that to lesbians, women who can’t have kids but adopt, and women who wanted kids at 25 but who decided at 36 that they didn’t, I’ve had very few women in my life who I have been able to date. I have literally had to cut off dozens of women over the years who wanted kids. I just absolutely refuse to destroy a woman’s dream of wanting a family one day when I DO NOT.

    greenbook
    greenbook
    Participant
    August 24, 2018 at 1:22 am #182494

    While I don’t feel I am a hero, I feel I have done the honorable thing in being honest with the women I have dated. As we all know, dating is a numbers game, and the numbers have been stacked against me…..until now. I now have plenty of women online and in my personal life who are potential dating partners. There are plenty of single moms or women who don’t want kids anymore. The problem is that I’ve already experienced a lot of red-flagging so far in online dating. I should be receiving more interest than I have so far. Not that I am a hunk, but I feel my profile is well written and appealing. I have good photos. I am reasonably good looking. But it’s not just online dating. I have had women show interest in me in my personal life whose interest dropped as soon as I mentioned I was 46 and never married. I mean, the subject comes up. I cannot avoid it. I refuse to put something in my online profile about the fact that women are red-flagging for reasons that are false and unfair.

    greenbook
    greenbook
    Participant
    August 24, 2018 at 1:31 am #182495

    I don’t want to come off as a complainer or someone who is emotionally immature. At the same time, I do feel that I am a victim – to some degree – of what these articles have spoken about. And what frustrates me so much is that my lifetime bachelor status has NOTHING to do with emotional immaturity. It’s just been a numbers game. My parents were married for 42 years until my mom died, so I know what it takes to build a loving marriage and the value of commitment. I have never been a player. I mean, I couldn’t be one even if I tried. I just don’t know what to do. I am getting older and older, and I would really like to be married one day. But I just feel more and more that I am stuck, and I just have to pray that someone out there will look beyond the surface and not make instant judgments. I mean, my profile is written in such a way that it is CLEAR that I am a relationship, commitment oriented man. But if women make instant judgments, they won’t read the profile anyway.

    greenbook
    greenbook
    Participant
    August 24, 2018 at 1:44 am #182496

    And yes, as I have read a millions times in message forums like this, women (and men) have a right to make these instant judgments. But I have to be honest…..sometimes even I wonder if I pay more attention to the contents of a profile than other online daters. You won’t believe the amount of women on the sites in my area who put up a few photos and say, “here I am, nobody likes this section anyway, send me an email.” Well that section matters to me greatly, and profiles like this make me feel as if the women expect me to only judge them by their looks. I don’t even know what to ask them because they provide zero insight into their life or personality. Not that I expect a 3,000 word essay. But please, give me something. Now I can understand someone instantly judging someone who puts up a profile like this, but why mine? Again, I hate sounding like a “poor me” person, but it’s getting frustrating, and I am losing hope.

    greenbook
    greenbook
    Participant
    August 24, 2018 at 1:55 am #182497

    And yes, if a woman doesn’t judge me and agrees to a date despite my “lifetime bachelor status,” I am not going to complain about “other women” and unfair red flags. Nor will I even volunteer info on why I have never been married. If asked, I will be honest. The point being is that if a woman agrees to a date with me (especially if she is an online dater), I know that my supposed red flag isn’t a huge deal to her.

    Dusty
    Dusty
    Participant
    September 4, 2018 at 6:06 pm #183402

    I’m in pretty much the same boat. I’ll be 60 soon. Never married and still a virgin. I’m not sure how women feel about this as I have never really tried to date. I have never asked a woman out. I have had profiles on some online dating sites and had a few women message me but I don’t usually say in my profile that I’ve never been married or in a relationship. So maybe if they knew they wouldn’t have messaged me. Who knows.

    I don’t really care much at this point. I’m on the last lap of this race and I’ve grown used to being alone and having my freedom.

    zachsby
    zachsby
    Participant
    September 22, 2018 at 2:43 am #185051

    There are a lot more of that age group (30’s – 40’s) than you may realize, and the number is increasing. It’s not all men’s faults either. There are thousands around where I live who are in this situation. I think a lot of it has to do with our messed up society. But there are many single women in this age group too. The art of dating and courtship never got learned by many of us.

    dashingscorpio
    dashingscorpio
    Participant
    September 23, 2018 at 9:20 pm #185067

    The assumption is a man isn’t married because he never proposed.
    If a guy is single, fairly good looking, and financially successful there are women who will see him as a catch at any age.
    In fact the fact you’ve never been married and don’t have children will be a huge plus for a lot of women.
    It means no co-parenting with some ex-wife, paying child support/alimony or forced to divide time with exe’s family.

    I suspect if you stated you never wanted children or to get married there would be some women who’d see it as a challenge!
    Warren Beatty was 55 when he got married.

    More importantly you don’t want to put the cart before the horse!
    Too often these days people spend time trying to “screen out” people rather than getting to know them.
    It’s okay to just date for fun, have sex, and allow relationships to naturally evolve into whatever they’re meant to be.
    Marriage and children shouldn’t even come up in a conversation unless you’re falling in love with someone.

    Relax!