Back in the dating world after 10 years. Confused about this guy I've been seein

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Back in the dating world after 10 years. Confused about this guy I've been seein

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  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
    DatingAdvice.com
    December 12, 2018 at 8:39 pm FORUM ANNOUNCEMENT

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    blueyesinfla
    blueyesinfla
    Participant
    October 6, 2018 at 7:12 pm #186410
    Back in the dating world after 10 years. Confused about this guy I've been seein

    I met someone 4 months ago. We were introduced by a mutual friend. Mostly text messaging when we communicate. I’m old school and prefer a phone call but ok with it if this is how it is now when dating.. The texts were great but have now gotten to where I initiate most of them. His responses are sometimes short. One or two words. He use to always say good morning and good night. Not so much any more. He has children but they aren’t always with him. I am a single parent, full time. We’ve had great conversation over coffee and lunch dates. We have not slept together but have a lot of chemistry. He says he’s not in any hurry but I sometimes only see him once a week. I don’t see how this can go anywhere if we don’t spend time together. When he has his kids, I don’t see him at all. My friends say forget him. I like him though. When we do get together it is great. I don’t know what to do? He seems to have gotten more distant in the last week. Help, I need advice. Thanks.

    dashingscorpio
    dashingscorpio
    Participant
    October 7, 2018 at 4:10 pm #186419

    “I met someone 4 months ago.”
    “The texts were great but have now gotten to where I initiate most of them.”
    “We have not slept together…”
    “I sometimes only see him once a week. I don’t see how this can go anywhere if we don’t spend time together.”
    “My friends say forget him.”

    So basically you’re unhappy!
    Suffering is optional.

    The first few weeks and months of most new relationships is the “infatuation/honeymoon phase”
    Couples can’t get enough of talking to one another, being together, having passionate sex, and so on.
    You’re almost at the half year mark and if anything things are becoming more distant.
    Sounds like you’re in the “friend zone”. You’re friends are right. (Move on)

    If you have to “figure a guy out” it usually means he’s not “into you”

    “Never love anyone who treats you like you’re ordinary.” – Oscar Wilde

    blueyesinfla
    blueyesinfla
    Participant
    October 7, 2018 at 5:20 pm #186423

    Thanks for your honesty. And you’re right, I am unhappy. I was thinking I should back off, see if he comes around? But then again, should I even bother? I don’t want a friend. The whole thing has made me feel insecure and sad.

    Libra82
    Libra82
    Participant
    October 17, 2018 at 6:12 pm #187342

    I would back off.. wait for him to contact you and then say we need to talk. It’s a good time to lay your cards on the table.. explain to him what you like about the relationship and what you don’t like.. See if he can understand perhaps you guys come to some sort of agreement on contact.. It seems you don’t want to give up just yet. So it’s the best time to lay it all out on what’s bothering you.. If he’s truly interested he will work with you to resolve the problem.. Either way you get your answer about him..

    richiro
    richiro
    Participant
    October 18, 2018 at 2:10 pm #187421

    Well.. he’s already backed off – so backing off essentially ends it. And ultimately it may already be over. But its clear you dont’ want it to be over yet and atleast want to give it one last chance.

    I would step it up a bit and not just talk, but come up with a date idea and propose it to him. myabe moreso frame it like “hey.. i heard of this cool thing and thought it’d be fun to check it out” — and see how he reacts, what kind of time you have, and start making that “the standard” and maybe it’ll re-kindle him to start realizing you guys have to keep DATING to develop this.

    That’s the best advice i can give to anybody (dating or in long-term or trying to re-kindle a faded relationship) – never forget to keep dating the person!