BFF Male Coworker admits feelings for me & no longer wants to be friends

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BFF Male Coworker admits feelings for me & no longer wants to be friends

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  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
    DatingAdvice.com
    July 7, 2020 at 11:16 pm FORUM ANNOUNCEMENT

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    Anna78
    Anna78
    Participant
    January 15, 2020 at 8:14 pm #227900
    BFF Male Coworker admits feelings for me & no longer wants to be friends

    7 months ago I began a new job and my married training officer and I immediately ‘clicked’. We admitted to each other that we both had never experienced such a strong immediate connection with someone before. We are literally identical in every way and could arguably be the same person in opposite gendered bodies. Our job permits us to often work together as direct partners and over time our friendship grew incredibly strong. 2 days ago he pulls me aside and states that he is fearful that we are becoming ‘too close’ and that he has developed feelings that will jeopardize his marriage. He states that he can’t be friends with me at all as it would be too hard for him. I of course completely respect his marriage and would never want to do anything to jeopardize that. I love him so much as a person that I want the best for him… however, how can I lose someone that is so dear to me? How does that work when we are direct coworkers? I am devastated that we can’t be friends at all…

    dashingscorpio
    dashingscorpio
    Participant
    January 16, 2020 at 1:41 pm #227928

    “We admitted to each other that we both had never experienced such a strong immediate connection…”
    “We are literally identical in every way and could arguably be the same person in opposite gendered bodies.”
    “I love him so much as a person that I want the best for him… however, how can I lose someone that is so dear to me?”
    “I am devastated ..”

    Sounds like you took the “work spouse” idea too far!
    You talk about this guy like he is your “soulmate”.

    Clearly he did the right thing in pulling away from you.
    Respect the fact he’s married and invest your emotions in a man who is available and wants to be with YOU.

    If this had truly been a real “platonic friendship” whereby you behaved as siblings it would have never came to this.
    Apparently on some level there has been a little flirtatious banter, incidental touching, or innuendo.
    Feeling “devastated” speaks for itself!
    It’s an age old question: Can men and women just be friends? Yes, If they are NOT ATTRACTED to each other!

    PrettyLittle
    PrettyLittle
    Participant
    January 21, 2020 at 8:51 am #228089

    I think you need to continue to respect him and his marriage and give him as much space as he needs. You care about him and want what is best for him, taking time away from you is it. It must be difficult for you to feel as if you are losing a friend, I’m sure you will still see him at work and can have friendly work conversations with him. Try to keep it professional for now and maybe in the future things will work out for you both.