Bit off too much?

DATING ADVICE FORUM

Bit off too much?

    Author
    Comments
  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
    DatingAdvice.com
    November 11, 2019 at 11:46 am FORUM ANNOUNCEMENT

    Hey DatingAdvice.com forum readers! Just a quick heads up that a few dating sites are offering a FREE trial to DatingAdvice forum readers. Try it now and meet local singles in just a few minutes! Here are the sites:

    Site Who You'll Meet Today's Deal
    Match.com Casual dating for ages 18-65 Get FREE access
    EliteSingles Educated professionals 25 and older Get FREE access
    Adult Friend Finder Hookups, casual encounters Get FREE access

    What are you waiting for? One mouse click could be all that stands between you and your next romance!

    RupertDelPrado
    RupertDelPrado
    Participant
    March 8, 2019 at 9:38 pm #196280
    Bit off too much?

    I’ll make this brief.

    I’m currently dating a woman in her forties, when we began talking everything was fine, we sent voice messages, something was off bout her voice and method of speech in terms of vocal patterns/enunciation/choice of emphasis etc, but I ignored it.

    Move forward, at a very quick pace, and we have moved in together.

    I’m dealing with removing one of the housemates who also happens to be the ex boyfriend who cheated on her, and dumped her on her birthday.

    Need I say more, it’s been slightly amusing. At best.

    In regards to the woman

    She has several physical disabilities, she has:
    A prolapsed disc
    Degenerative disc disorder
    Peti mal epilepsy

    All of which I can deal with, being the I’ve dealt with my mother’s, she has degenerative disc disease, vertebrae issues in her neck the have required surgery in the past, she also broke her spine in several places, had to give up her dreams of becoming a hairdresser,

    Now those on their own I could handle

    RupertDelPrado
    RupertDelPrado
    Participant
    March 8, 2019 at 9:38 pm #196281

    given by life experience, but why I wasn’t ready for was this.

    She also has n intellectual disability, meaning, intelligent conversation, might never happen, if it did, chances are, she at best might be a sounding bored for my thoughts with such possible responses as….. OK….. Yeah?…. Really? Or the more likely…. What does that mean?

    She also has depression, small elements of cptsd, what you would consider cluster B traits aligning closely with a Borderline personality.

    The above I have analysed and explored and have came to the conclusion that if curbed the traits may no longer manifest, as based on what I’ve seen and heard the traits and behaviours have only manifested since her accident, as well as the feelings of abandonment and fear of abandonment becoming present after an ex-boyfriend “went for a pack of smokes” one night and never came home.

    She has shown signs of manipulation attempts as I monitor all conversations I have for attempts at manipulation etc

    Steve LaRue
    Steve LaRue
    Participant
    March 9, 2019 at 4:30 am #196285

    Since you are analyzing so much, why are you in the relationship in the first place?

    infoondating
    infoondating
    Participant
    March 9, 2019 at 11:45 pm #196291

    I agree with the above post

    dashingscorpio
    dashingscorpio
    Participant
    March 10, 2019 at 3:14 pm #196315

    “She has shown signs of manipulation attempts as I monitor all conversations I have for attempts at manipulation etc”
    It does not sound like SHE is “the love of your life” and makes no sense for you to still be with her.

    Clearly you’re NOT happy being in this relationship. No one is “stuck” with anyone.
    Suffering is optional.

    Move on!
    Thankfully you’re not married.

    Best wishes!

    RupertDelPrado
    RupertDelPrado
    Participant
    March 11, 2019 at 8:42 am #196283

    It is quite strange, she will become upset if attempt say, sexting, which I love to do, if I send her a nude it’s a dead end….

    She doesn’t even let me pay her on the buttons when I walk past her.

    The hardest thing for her is, she used to be a fitness fanatic, size 10 working out 6 days a week, she even went to the Olympics.

    Just….. Ergh…… Anything…..?

    RupertDelPrado
    RupertDelPrado
    Participant
    March 11, 2019 at 8:43 am #196282

    Put it this way, my 7 yet old son is less obvious when he attempts to manipulate, all BPD traits have been overt, elements of covert are present but her ability to garner emotional supply from me is severely limited due to my……. Obtuse nature and my tendency to….. Not mix words at times.

    What do I do?

    I have an IQ of 134 and have studied some psychology, treatments etc

    My initial plan is to try slight DBT with Schema therapy adapted for an adult with learning disabilities, as well as talking therapy.

    She does see a counsellor, she is on anti depressants, as far as I’m aware.

    She doesn’t drink and is not a fan of recreational drugs, having only just accepted for Tori’s love affair with the jade whore known as Mary-jane.

    I’m a lover of sex and physical intimacy, there has not been a lack of but…. In a sense given the differential intellectually, I feel somewhat creepy.

    dashingscorpio
    dashingscorpio
    Participant
    March 11, 2019 at 5:22 pm #196458

    What do I do? Move On!

    With an IQ of 134 you have to know there are millions/billions of other women Without all these issues!
    Sounds like you have become {intrigued} with trying to “figure her out” instead of seeking happiness for yourself.

    If you or your mate has to change your {core being} to make a relationship work it means you’re with the WRONG person.
    There are two reasons why someone would not give you what you want after you have expressed your desires.

    1. They don’t have it to give. (In other words it’s not who THEY are.)
    2. They don’t believe YOU are worth the effort to give it to.

    Only you can decide if not getting what you want/need is a “deal breaker”.
    If it’s a “deal breaker” get out!
    If it’s NOT a “deal breaker” learn to do without! (Sitting around complaining is useless)

    SUFFERING IS OPTIONAL!

    The world may not owe you anything but YOU owe yourself the world!
    “Never love anyone who treats you like you’re ordinary.” – Oscar Wilde

    Best wishes!