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allthatjazz21ParticipantDecember 21, 2014 at 1:55 pm #69524
Boyfriend and I have been together 4 months, but already really happy and stable together, talk of longer term. The relationship ran a lot on trust, there was a lot of communication, and I was growing to love him quite a lot.
While hiding love notes in his room before I flew home for the holidays I found his pill bottles to treat herpes. Brought it up later that night and, yes, he did have genital herpes, and no, he was never planning on telling me about it. His doctor had said that while on antivirals it would have an extremely low chance of ever transferring to a partner. He was afraid I wouldn’t have dated him if he told me.
We talked, and he basically hates himself for doing it. Knowing how much it hurts him to have broken my trust gives me a little hope but still…
a) how do you rebuild trust?
b) is it worth trying for someone was selfish and cowardly for self interest over communication and health?
allthatjazz21ParticipantDecember 21, 2014 at 1:56 pm #69525
The age old question of trusting again….
RoxyParticipantDecember 22, 2014 at 5:09 am #69529
That’s a tough situation. He most definitely should have told you about it. Yes he would run the risk of scaring you off but at least he could rest in the knowledge that he was honest and not pass the virus onto you.
The thing you have to ask yourself is can you see yourself getting passed this and trusting him again? or will it play on your mind and have you worry about whether he’s hiding something again. Is this a trait that you see in other aspects of his life? (selfishness, cowardly, deceitful) , if it is, if it was me in that situation I would want out. It’s not like it was a little lie or a white lie, it was something major.
I personally would find it too hard to forgive and forget. Doctor may have told him there was an extremely low chance of passing the virus on while on his meds but still a chance none the less. I do feel bad for you being put in this situation and I would just say listen to your gut instinct on this one.
seekinghelpParticipantDecember 22, 2014 at 7:49 am #69526
I wonder what he’ll lie about next….The thing is, unless he is consciously aware that he lied to protect his self interest more than yours, AND is wanting and willing to take the lots of tiny steps it takes stop acting in such selfish ways he is not going to change. If there is a conscious recognition and beginning of a folllow through on those kinds of actions then I think trust can be re-built. If those 2 things are lacking, or even if one of them is lacking, then the pattern will continue. Lying about a transmittable disease is a big deal, but being able and willing to mask that…is an even bigger deal.
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