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aussiegayParticipantApril 18, 2016 at 3:38 am #98042
My partner and I have been together for 3 1/2 years. Our sex life has never been electric, but the rest of our relationship is loving, affectionate and supportive. He has problems communicating sometimes, and apparently there was alot I was doing in the relationship which wasn’t helping, and we split up briefly about a year ago. We got back together, and decided to make more of an effort to communicate and work on our sex lives. The sex life didn’t improve, and the result of our communication when we discussed it was the usual “It’s not you it’s me”. He’d also been looking at porn alot, to which he said (upon my asking) it was more of a release and a ‘not real’ thing. After we got back together, I did the horrible thing of going through his phone and found that he had been ‘Sexting’ other guys, when I confronted him about it, he said that he had no intention of meeting these people and it was another form of fantasy. Recently he left his PC open with his……
aussiegayParticipantApril 18, 2016 at 3:40 am #98043
…….online dating profile up, and it appeared that he had been regularly contacting many many people saying how he’d love to meet up. From what I could see, he didn’t actually meet with anyone, but it still makes me sick to think of what is going on. I have no idea how to discuss this with him and I’m constantly on edge about it. Behaving like nothing is going on is really tough!!
Can anyone give me any advice?
ChicagoGay5150ParticipantApril 22, 2016 at 8:39 pm #98569
That’s a tough one. I had this happen to me in my past relationship and looking back, it really messed with me. I think you can go through the relationship still (assuming he’s truly sorry and commits to never doing it again), but there will always be a questioning of his actions in a lot of aspects of your relationship life, i.e. out at gay bars, checking someone out, wondering what he’s doing on his phone, putting together scenarios of what he could be up to when he doesn’t reply/call/etc. It wears on you a lot, and for me in my past, I now know it wasn’t worth it for me and my health.
Easier said than done, but he made a selfish decision to talk to others in a way that isn’t fair. You have all rights to make a selfish (and absolutely healthy) decision for yourself, whether that’s taking time away or breaking it off. Really, really think about you and take this time to do so. You have all rights.
ChicagoGay5150ParticipantApril 25, 2016 at 8:53 am #98570
Oh, and I’d confront him about it 100% upfront. You deserve answers, as this sounds like an established from-the-beginning mutual relationship. I know the feeling of worrying what comes next or how he’ll react, but he made a decision to be in a relationship with just you. What you describe above is definitely a no-no and he knows that deep down.
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