Can I get her back?  I need a woman's perspective.


Can I get her back? I need a woman's perspective.

  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
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    March 10, 2013 at 9:54 pm #25394
    Can I get her back? I need a woman's perspective.

    I was dating a woman for 2 months. It was great! We became intimate (sex) a month in. Valentine’s Day was a month and a half in. I sent her flowers to work, and took her to dinner. The flowers were a hit. She even took them with her on a girls weekend ski trip to be the centerpiece on their dinner table at the cabin they went to. We saw each other 2 or 3 times a week. Then she pulled back to 1 time a week. BUT it was still amazing when we were together that one time a week.
    She would always take my hand while walking together. We’d hold hands across the table while out at dinner. She’s hold my free hand and stroke it while I was driving. She always told me how much she enjoyed our time together. We were very passionate when intimate. She loved to hold me and cuddle. She would stroke my face and tell me how much she liked my eyes and my smile.

    So last Saturday, we went out and had a great time. We went to a trampoline gym, and then to dinner. She always talked about how much she loved the fun dates I always planned. She spent the night at my apartment. Then next morning we woke up at 8, and had sex. Then went back to sleep holding each other till 11AM. We went to brunch, and I dropped her off.

    Monday she messaged me and told me how nice it was to wake up with me Sunday morning (this wasn’t the first time she’d woken up with me). We discussed our schedules for the week, and she suggested our date for Friday. Also, on a side note, she told me that she was having a really rough day at work. So Tuesday morning I texted her and told I hoped she had a better day today. She texted me back and said thank you for the nice note. Asked me how my day was, and told me she was going out to dinner that night with her friend Elly.

    Then, out of the blue, she EMAILED me on Wednesday and told be that “she wanted to stop dating me.” She said that she just wasn’t feeling the connection that she’d hoped, and that she wanted to move on. She said she was sure about how she felt. I responded that I was shocked and confused, sorry that she felt that way, but if that’s how she feels, then good bye. I also told her that she was the most wonderful and beautiful woman I’d ever met, and that I would miss seeing her smile. (All true) She responded that that was a really wonderful compliment, and it helped her, since she felt really bad about hurting me.

    So, how does she go from Monday telling me how much she enjoyed our time together on Sunday….to Wednesday telling me she doesn’t want to see me anymore? I don’t get it! I feel like we were still getting to know each other. I know it was only 2 months, and it’s better for her to tell me now, than months later. But I really thought things were going great! I think I may have been on the brink of falling in love with her. (too soon…I know.)

    Is this salvageable at all? Should I giver her a few weeks, then maybe reach out? She’s jewish, and I thought about just waiting till Passover the end of the month and sending her a simple Happy Passover text in hebrew that morning. But that’s only a little more than 2 weeks away, and I’ve been told I need to wait at least 30 days before I should even think about getting in touch with her again.

    March 13, 2013 at 12:07 pm #25716

    I’ll take the silence as a no. Thanks!

    March 14, 2013 at 2:40 pm #25963

    There’s no defined time for things…you have to roll with the punches. Honestly, something from her past, or present, may have hit her like a wall and she chose to take you out of the equation for whatever reason.

    See it this way, it’s best to not force feelings on anyone. You can’t say or do anything to change her mind. It was a choice she made without you so if she wants to try things out again, she’ll be the one to come around.

    Remain cool. Don’t think predetermined texts or gestures will help your case. It could definitely ruin your chances more than it could help. If she’s working something out in her mind, you’re the last person she needs on the sidelines watching her every move.

    Unfortunately, you can’t do much here (my opinion) so the best advice I can give is being her friend. Invite her out to group events, no dinner or 1-on-1 dates and show her how easy going you are, that’s it. Avoid romantic situations and don’t try to “trick” her into falling for you…

    Hope that helps! Keep level-headed and focus on yourself for a while before you start trying to date again.