Carpe diem or tactics for dignity

DATING ADVICE FORUM

Carpe diem or tactics for dignity

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  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
    DatingAdvice.com
    November 11, 2018 at 9:11 pm FORUM ANNOUNCEMENT

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    mikahaka
    mikahaka
    Participant
    June 12, 2018 at 6:56 am #176757
    Carpe diem or tactics for dignity

    Hi All,

    I am in this situation- where the guy said I can not be commited/exclusive/in a real relationship with you.
    But actually What we have been doing is very much relationship like: we were meeting average 2 times a week, having sex, sometimes doing programs together. High intellectual undersatnding, we are “getting each other and amking laugh all the time, sharing thoughts, fears, things with each other, certain level of caring.
    But we are not yet too much emotionally involved (=it is not yet love), but for now it is fine for me.

    I told him that I want to be the only one, otherwise things are fine for me how they are. We have been meeting/dating since 4 months.

    He told me, to put it short, he does not want to “keep me hanging”- so it is basically up to me if I want to see him like this or not, in case I do, we can still meet, but I did not clarify if I want that, at that time.

    -CONTINUES-

    mikahaka
    mikahaka
    Participant
    June 12, 2018 at 6:57 am #176758

    -CONTINUES-

    Besides he is going home (another country in Europe) in two weeks- and actually the whole situation also depends on whether he can come back to work here permanently- after spending home 1,5 months. So anyhow we have to part for a longer period.
    As if he can not, there is nothing to talk about…(I don’t want long distance relationship)
    In this sense the whole thing is in “God’s hands”.
    When he would come back, from my side the question is, if he would want to date me seriously or not- as I do not want to “sell myself cheap for him”, and date him not exclusively, just to kill time…

    QUESTION:
    Two weeks passed since this discussion- but I was on holiday for one week- and he knew it, now I m back.
    We have still 2 weeks until he goes home- maybe forever.

    -CONTINUES-

    mikahaka
    mikahaka
    Participant
    June 12, 2018 at 7:50 am #176759

    I am waiting that he might contact me, as it migt be the last time to to meet, at all/or for long.
    It should be basically him making an effort, if he misses me or something, and I am also hurt, that he does not think I am the most amazing girl around= so he wants me excluisvely, however he clearly sees this, as he mentioned many of my qualities.
    But also he is generally confused about his life right now: carreer, religion, and otherwise= he wants to start a new life here, and wants to leave his quite good life in his home country (most political reasons…) and start it over here, that is not az easy period.
    At the end of my holiday, after letting this whole thing go in my mind – I also realised that if we might never meet again, why not enjoy these last weeks, and plan programs with him.
    Does it really matter if it is 1-2 meeting more- or a really fun, happy weekend spent together- and having one really great memory together before parting?

    -CONTINUES-

    mikahaka
    mikahaka
    Participant
    June 12, 2018 at 7:50 am #176765

    -CONTINUES-

    Besides he is going home (another country in Europe) in two weeks- and actually the whole situation also depends on whether he can come back to work here permanently- after spending home 1,5 months. So anyhow we have to part for a longer period.
    As if he can not, there is nothing to talk about…(I don’t want long distance relationship)
    In this sense the whole thing is in “God’s hands”.
    When he would come back, from my side the question is, if he would want to date me seriously or not- as I do not want to “sell myself cheap for him”, and date him not exclusively, just to kill time…

    QUESTION:
    Two weeks passed since this discussion- but I was on holiday for one week- and he knew it, now I m back.
    We have still 2 weeks until he goes home- maybe forever.

    -CONTINUES-

    mikahaka
    mikahaka
    Participant
    June 12, 2018 at 7:50 am #176767

    So in case he will not contact me in the following 1-3 days (=we have not been in contact since the discussion), would you go ahead contacting him (he always replies me)? This would mean not being very consistent about what I want…But we can think of it as “taking advantage of him”…by doing things with him I really enjoy, and I can not do without him…
    Or you would wait…not contact him, and see what happens…? But you would keep your dignity, and the small chance that he might come back later, and he will have more respect for you (for not “running after him)…?!
    (But I guess, this can be restarted, and reevaluated at that time, if it ever happens)
    BTW we are also kind of a friends…we have Strong intellectual/mental connection too…

    dashingscorpio
    dashingscorpio
    Participant
    June 12, 2018 at 10:49 am #176807

    You want an exclusive relationship with him.
    He said: “I can not be committed/exclusive/in a {real relationship} with you.”
    There is no amount of “work” or “communication” that can overcome being with someone who does NOT want what you want.

    In order for (him) to be “the one” he would have to see (you) as being “the one”.
    At the very least a “soulmate” is someone who actually wants to be with you! (And vice versa)

    For all you know he has girl or wife back in Europe.
    He may be the type of guy who would only get “serious” with a girl from his native country or culture.
    Either way he’s let you know all you can be is “friends with benefits”.
    If that’s not what YOU want. Move on!

    “Never love anyone who treats you like you’re ordinary.” – Oscar Wilde

    AJ_Vascon
    AJ_Vascon
    Participant
    June 13, 2018 at 12:45 pm #176953

    Stop acting so desperate. Is he the only man left on Earth? GO out and find somebody new, geeesh!

    hermeshecaton
    hermeshecaton
    Participant
    June 15, 2018 at 3:56 pm #177196

    At the end of the day it’s just another relationship. If it’s too complicate always remember that there are 7 billion people on this earth

    Helnbak
    Helnbak
    Participant
    September 8, 2018 at 4:31 am #183760

    Take a step back. The only way to walk sweaty with dignity is to accept it and move on. Any reaction be it anger or jealousy or love.. you’re still involved. Be unaffected.. don’t react