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anicoleParticipantSeptember 18, 2014 at 12:32 pm #62182
I’ve been friends with this guy for a couple years. He’s told me he liked me before, but about a month ago I told him I liked him too.
We hang out about twice a week, and both of our schedules are really busy.
We do couple like things all the time, go to the movies, go out to eat, have sex.
About nine months ago he got out of a seven year relationship, so he has told me multiple times he’s not ready to date yet.
I really like him and I want it to go somewhere.
Yesterday I asked him what we were because he kept calling us really good friends.
I read him the definition of casually dating, and he said that was exactly what we were doing. Except not the other people part. None of us are seeing other people nor plan to.
I can tell he likes me, so that’s not even an issue. We’ve planned things to do months from now which I’ve never done.
I’m just wondering what the hell casually exclusive dating is. It sounds like a better version of friends with benefits to me, but I don’t know.
unsureParticipantSeptember 27, 2014 at 4:18 pm #64948
This sounds like the situation I am in right now. After seeing several other men, my best friend finally came forward with feelings for me that are reciprocated but because of our busy schedules we have only seen each other about once a month. At first, I was reluctant to say “boyfriend” because it didn’t feel like that. I got sick of saying “they guy i’m seeing”, so I broke down and just say boyfriend now.
Have you met the family and has he met yours? I’d say you should ask him if boyfriend makes him uncomfortable. if he says yes, that sounds like problem. otherwise, I’d say casually excusively dating sounds like a fairly good description of the relationship, yours and mine alike. because you don’t see eachother often its a little more casual. Youre not living together or having regular date nights. The exclusive part is important because its like saying “youre mine and i’m yours” without pressure of a serious, long term commitment. you’re still testing the waters.
Hope this helps
diva820ParticipantSeptember 28, 2014 at 1:34 pm #64962
Yes, that would be a good descriptor (better version of friends with benefits to me), and you have to decide if YOU are okay with this arrangement. He has already stated that he didn’t want a committed relationship and that he is not seeing other people. It could go somewhere or maybe not. Unfortunately, it’s a risk that you will have to take if you continue like this. However, the alternative is not to nag him into a relationship because you have agreed to participate with his noncommitment. You can gracefully bow out and tell him you like him but you are looking for a committed relationship and being with him prevents you from being available to someone else who may want the same thing you want, or you can stay in it and take your chances. The ball is in your court on how this plays out for you. Remember that no one can best define your happiness than you, so once you clearly define the type of relationship you DESERVE for yourself, then that’s what you should accept.
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