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jlacckParticipantMay 4, 2017 at 10:55 am #135379
I just had a simple question for anyone who would like to answer. But it was suggested to me that i enter a no contact period with my ex for at least 30 days. I just started a couple of days ago. But I was curious to know what do we do once I come out of that no contact period? Do I wait for her to message me and I respond or do I initiate the contact with her? That being said, what would be the best ways to initiate the contact?
JMay 4, 2017 at 12:59 pm #135400
the main point of the no contact period is to help you see and determine how you feel about that and want to do about it after the “no contact” period. I usually advise more like 90 days (of course some contact may be necessary to tie up loose ends say if you lived together, had shared possessions, pets, whatever.. need to retunr this or that to each other, etc.)
The no contact period should be long enough for you to see and experience life without each other and it become “normal” to not be in each other’s lives and that’s why it helps to determine “what next” with an ex- after that period of time.
Hope that helps.
jlacckParticipantMay 4, 2017 at 3:07 pm #135415
Well considering the fact that she is now “seeing someone else” to find out if that’s really what she wants, maybe I do need to give myself 90 days of no contact. I sort of feel like I shouldn’t talk to her at all period!!
However, I still love her very much as a friend before anything else. What I mean by that is, our bond with each other was created through the deep friendship that we developed, which led into our 3 year relationship.
But I understand what you are saying. Basically your point is: the time period of no contact is more about me than it is about her. So more than anything I should contact her when or (if) I feel okay with contacting her without being overran with emotions.
This is all find and dandy. Great advice. But it doesn’t seem to provide any insight on what steps or approach I should take if I do decide to reach out once the no contact period ends.
eddiebParticipantMay 5, 2017 at 12:26 pm #135516
> But it doesn’t seem to provide any insight on what steps or approach I should take if I do decide to reach out once the no contact period ends.
Cross that bridge when you get there. It’s impossible to know now, so don’t think about it. At the end of the no-contact period, if it was successful, it will likely be obvious. As far as who initiates contact and whether and when and how, only you know yourself and her and your relationship. And hopefully you’ll know that better after the non-contact period ends than right now.
If there were to be “rules” for after the no-contact period ended, they should have been ironed out beforehand. Too late now. Do the 30 (or more) days, figure out how you feel, and make your move or don’t. She’ll do the same.
But again, that’s later, so think about that later. Thinking about it now seems counterproductive.May 5, 2017 at 5:01 pm #135587
however nothing.. the no contact period has a reason and it doesn’t work if you contact them (again unless its to tie up loose ends and business…)
stick to it…. no contact!
yo’ll see and undersatnd later ..
it doesn’t mean it’ll work out and you’l be back toghter… but if it doesn’t – it means that’s what it wa supposed to be.
if you do end up togeher,then it was supposed to be that.
breaking the no contact rule means what happens has nothign to do with what was supposed to happen – because you sabotaged it and will have to start over and ti will take that mauch longer to know what is supposed to happenMay 5, 2017 at 5:02 pm #135588
and again.. all the questions you’rs asking.. THATS THE RESAON FOR THE NO CONTACT PERIOD!!!! to provide those answers!
OF COURSE yo dont’ know the answer now – you haven’t finished the no conatct period!!!!
and if you come out of 30 days and stil hve no answers – it means you need to stay in the no contact period longer until you DO!
AnonymousDaterParticipantMay 7, 2017 at 9:14 am #135621
From someone who has had to end something out of 10 years, it does take time to get over things. Your feelings may stick around for a little but but eventually you’ll be ok. You can’t judge how you feel right now with how you actually feel. I’d stick with 30 days, see how you feel after that. If she’s seeing someone else (which is kind of soon in my opinion), then she probably won’t contact you, but that’s just my opinion.
missashlaaaayParticipantMay 9, 2017 at 12:36 am #135724
I think if you have something you want to say then contact her. If not, then let her come to you. Don’t be afraid on how to approach it. If you waited this period of not contacting each other then when the time is up if you have something to say it will probably come naturally. Don’t think too much about it. Just be honest and say what is on your mind.
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