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draper101ParticipantJune 2, 2014 at 11:31 am #54214
I am married but the marriage is in serious trouble. A beautiful and shy girl started working at my company a few weeks ago. After several interactions, neither of us mention we have significant others, even though I overheard that she has a BF that she might be unsure of. She’s given me what I feel are several indicators of attraction towards me, and I feel a strong connection with her.
At our last company party, towards the end I asked her to step outside with me. I confidently say that when she looks at me I feel something extraordinary (I was much more poetic), but it’s neither the time nor place to pursue anything even though I secretly want to. I tell her I’m unhappily married and she has a BF, but just couldn’t keep my feelings inside.
She says, “Thank you for telling me, but what do you want me to say?” I say sadly, “Nothing. I guess you can go back to the party now.” She walks away bewildered, and of course it’s awkward between us in the office. What should I do now?
AnonymousInactiveJune 2, 2014 at 6:38 pm #54274
I have heard this story so many times! It’s so difficult to be in an unhappy marriage and then feel attraction towards someone else. If you wish to stay in your integrity (and I promise you will feel sooooo much better if you do), then you either figure out how to make the marriage work or you walk away. You sound like many people I have worked with where they are in the “gray” area of their marriage. They are unhappy, but there is no commitment in either direction….to make it work or to walk away….they just stay unhappy without any movement in either direction. I, of course, am always a fan of advising to people to do EVERYTHING possible to make things works before they walk away. I find there is much more peace (inside the heart) that way. You can walk away saying you tried everything you possibly could. This means even looking inside yourself as to why the marriage isn’t working. It’s a partnership that is yucky so both people obviously need to agree on the direction.
AnonymousInactiveJune 2, 2014 at 6:44 pm #54278
I would recommend to stay away from that girl! Shut off any feelings you have for her….do not create any interactions with her. This is very dangerous because if you feed the feelings, they will grow and grow and that is how cheating happens. You have to stop it, don’t feed it and re-focus your attention on yourself and your marriage and making very clear cut decisions as to what you want to do with your wife. OR…..you can end up cheating and then deal with the consequences of that…..definitely a MUCH more challenging path and one that feels pretty intensely painful. So it’s up to you as to which path you would like to experience. I am so sorry you are having to experience this choice. There is a lot of loss and change when dealing with an unhappy situation. Goodness into your clarity and strength to make the choices that align with the highest good for everyone that is involved!
draper101ParticipantJune 3, 2014 at 8:37 am #54286
Agreed. Thank you. My confession was 60% me killing it before it progressed. What I’m left with now is the aftermath of having to see her after I spilled the beans. Right now it feels like a nuclear bomb went off inside me and I’m trying to hold in the radiation. It’s going to take a new level of maturity to get through this, not to mention deciding what to do with my marriage.
I would recommend to stay away from that girl! Shut off any feelings you have for her….do not create any interactions with her. This is very dangerous because if you feed the feelings, they will grow and grow and that is how cheating happens.
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