Confused by context of a conversation

DATING ADVICE FORUM

Confused by context of a conversation

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  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
    DatingAdvice.com
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    Rein
    Rein
    Participant
    January 14, 2019 at 5:59 pm #192571
    Confused by context of a conversation

    Their is a lady at work that I like talking to because we have some shared interests. Something she said to me recently left me wondering.

    Somehow we got on the topic of homes and what we wanted if we were to buy a new home. When she spoke of her plans she tossed a comment in about buying it on one income because she wanted some place even if she was to break up with her boyfriend.

    Is that a weird thing for someone to say?

    dashingscorpio
    dashingscorpio
    Participant
    January 15, 2019 at 2:32 am #192587

    No, it is not weird for a (woman) to want her own identity and independence separate and apart from her boyfriend.
    Relationships and even marriages for that matter have been known to fall apart. No one knows what the future holds.
    A woman having something she can call her own is actually very smart. Your co-worker sounds practical and not naïve.
    Life is a (personal) journey!

    Rein
    Rein
    Participant
    January 15, 2019 at 3:12 am #192593

    I get that it’s smart and practical to think this way, it just made me wonder if her relationship wasn’t going well. I guess I’ve said before that I’m not co-signing any loans without a ring before. She probably meant it in a similar way I had.

    photonic
    photonic
    Participant
    January 22, 2019 at 9:28 am #193126

    Yes

    GJ
    GJ
    Participant
    January 23, 2019 at 7:10 pm #193293

    When we ask the question “is that a weird thing for someone to say” we are focusing on a judgement or opinion. What gets lost in this question is what you are feeling about this woman and or her or your personal situation. In most questions we can find a hidden statement. For example:
    1. You shared that you and this woman have shared interests.
    a. How do you feel about your shared interests?
    b. How do you feel about this woman? Are you attracted to her?
    c. Does this woman remind you of anyone?
    d. How do you feel about her talking about the possibility of breaking up with her boyfriend?
    e. Are you involved with a partner? If yes, how did this conversation affect your thoughts and feelings connected to your partner?
    We have no idea as to the motives for why your co-worker says what she says. However you can get a deeper understanding into your thoughts, feelings, and actions connected to this conversation.

    Rein
    Rein
    Participant
    January 24, 2019 at 8:47 am #193311

    Well it’s always fun to talk with someone about things you both like. Conversations feel more natural and not like your drowning in deep water.

    I’m not sure how I feel or if I’m even attracted to her, I’ve never been quick to feel real attraction. That usually takes a while and a lot of talking.

    I don’t want to admit it but she is starting to remind me of the last person I started to have feelings for. That’s not the same thing as saying I’m falling for her.

    The next question is the million dollar question. I’m not sure what I’d call the feeling that came as she mentioned the possibility of breaking up with her boyfriend. I’m not what you’d call in touch with my emotions. Thoes silly online tests usually put me as INFJ, not sure if that explains anything.

    For the last question, I’m not involved with anyone.

    I don’t know if this helps me to figure out my confusion…

    GJ
    GJ
    Participant
    January 24, 2019 at 10:59 am #193343

    There is a great deal of energy that you are spending connected to this conversation. When you use the word confused you are expressing the symtom or reaction to hidden feelings. Otherwise you would not be spending so much energy on this including taking the experience out of your head and posting it on this forum. The same way you would not drive a car with your eyes closed, it can be dangerous to move through the road of life without connecting to our feelings. Feelings drive our thoughts, and they drive our actions. You shared that this woman was reminding you about feelings you had for another woman. Start there and try to stay out of your head and with your feelings. What happened in that relationship? What attracted you to her? Let me know how it is going. The more you avoid finding your feelings the longer you will stay confused😎👍