Confused on what to do next…

DATING ADVICE FORUM

Confused on what to do next…

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  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
    DatingAdvice.com
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    mbrod12
    mbrod12
    Participant
    September 19, 2018 at 8:34 pm #184781
    Confused on what to do next…

    Hello all,

    I’m looking for some friendly advice. I met this girl on Match about two months ago. We talked on there for a week or so, and then she gave me her number. Late July we met up for dinner and drinks, conversation was great, seemed to be some chemistry and lots in common, etc. Got dinner and drinks again in probably early August. Another great date. Went to a baseball game in late August. Both schedules were busy in between, but I did try to make plans in between.

    Anyways, she seems like an awesome girl. We have a few mutual friends. One thing I have noticed is that she never proactively texts me. She will text me back and reply but never the one to initiate. This has been the case the entire time. However, lately she has texted me less and less. At this point, I haven’t heard from her in almost a week. Not sure if she isn’t interested or just busy, etc. I don’t want to bug her but don’t want to let something slip away when I feel there is potential. Should I message her?

    SuHyunJing
    SuHyunJing
    Participant
    September 20, 2018 at 2:36 am #184789

    Yes, girls are trained not to be the one texting the guys. She is probably anxiously waiting for you to text her first. 🙂

    dashingscorpio
    dashingscorpio
    Participant
    September 20, 2018 at 10:00 am #184814

    Generally speaking women prefer to be pursued and not doing the chasing especially early on.

    Another possibility is she’s going out with other guys. Most women using online dating sites have multiple options.
    Like it or not you are in a competition. She also probably assumes you’re going out with other girls.
    As long as both people have “active profiles” it would be foolish to believe otherwise!

    This is why it’s so important not to become emotionally invested in someone until after several dates and having “the talk”.
    Three dates over a couple of months is a far cry from being in a relationship especially if there was no kissing or making out.
    Simply going out for drinks, dinner, and to watch a ballgame is the equivalent of a couple of (platonic friends) “hanging out”.

    You have to “cross the line” into romance territory via flirting, holding hands, and kissing if there’s ever another “date”.
    The longer you avoid making a move the more likely you will be friend zoned.

    mbrod12
    mbrod12
    Participant
    September 20, 2018 at 5:04 pm #184912

    Thanks for the feedback! That makes perfect sense on both comments…It’s just weird. Like I said, she seems great and I PM’d all three friends in common and they said the same. I just feel like I’m getting mixed signals. She denied my Instagram request, but was perfectly fine giving me her address so I could pick her up for the third date. And all three dates seemed to go great. And again, even though we’ve only hung out three times thus far, there have been probably at least five other times that I tried to make plans but just fell thru. So it’s not like I’ve just been sitting idle.

    She texted me last Wednesday afternoon telling me to have fun on my trip to Seattle (I live in New England) and I responded thanking her and saying we should meet up when I get back but I never heard anything back. I dunno, I suppose I have nothing to lose at this point but I just feel like every time I text her, it’s bugging her.

    elisa_rose
    elisa_rose
    Participant
    September 20, 2018 at 11:22 pm #184918

    Sometimes girls don’t want to reply,or she might be a bit shy or uncomfortable with you still.
    But i still wish you the best of luck

    mbrod12
    mbrod12
    Participant
    September 21, 2018 at 8:56 am #184913

    …I do think there’s a lot of potential and it’s not like we haven’t talked in weeks. I just don’t want to let anything slip away. My gut tells me she is either seeing/talking to other guys (which is fine, I get it, we’re both single), has lukewarm interest, has been really busy, or simply could be playing hard to get. As you know, girls are hard to figure out, haha. It’s just a bit puzzling because all three dates seemed to go great…but again, I guess I have nothing to lose by asking her out again.

    zachsby
    zachsby
    Participant
    September 22, 2018 at 2:57 am #185053

    I wouldn’t text her too much. (doesn’t sound like you are). They can be really fickle and you never know what they’re gonna do next. I think the best thing to do is find out her interest level and not be left hanging for very long. The longer you wait, the worse it is.

    Emilycute
    Emilycute
    Participant
    September 22, 2018 at 10:28 am #185054

    Yeah me too

    mbrod12
    mbrod12
    Participant
    September 22, 2018 at 4:52 pm #185056

    Thank you all for the feedback and well wishes! So I did end up texting her (@zachsby, you are correct, at this point i am not texting her much. Maybe once or twice a week) on Thursday night to see if she wanted to meet up Friday night. Unfortunately she had plans. The last few times I’ve tried to hang out, I’ve gotten essentially the same response (sorry, but I have plans)…So at this point I don’t know if she’s just trying to drop hints that she’s not interested, or maybe she just actually has had plans the last few times…Again at this point we’ve been talking for over two months, so I have to figure I would know by now if she’s not interested…

    dashingscorpio
    dashingscorpio
    Participant
    September 23, 2018 at 7:56 pm #185062
    Reply To: Confused on what to do next…

    She’s not interested in pursuing a relationship with YOU.
    Clearly she’s been meeting new guys and exploring other options.
    Let it go and move on. Hopefully you haven’t been putting all your eggs into one basket this whole time.

    Just because a girl doesn’t scream “Leave me alone!” or slam a door in your face doesn’t mean there’s still hope!
    “If someone seriously wants to be a part of your life they will seriously make an effort to be in it. No Reasons. No Excuses.”

    In a world with over 7 Billion people rejection just means: NEXT!

    Best wishes!

    mbrod12
    mbrod12
    Participant
    September 27, 2018 at 6:52 pm #185676
    Reply To: Confused on what to do next…

    Thanks for the feedback! At this point, I have moved on. I did put all my eggs in one basket, however, it was also a very busy summer for me anyways and I’m coming off a pretty rough divorce (I won’t get into THAT on this post haha), so I’ve been thru a lot worse. I’m not upset at her, not heartbroken, just dismayed at a lack of courtesy. So at this point I’m throwing in the towel, unless she messages me. She does seem like a truly genuine and nice person and again I’d find it odd that she would completely blow me off, especially how we have a few close connections, however, I’m not naive enough to think she’s seeing someone else or simply not interested for whatever reason (which again is kind of puzzling as the three dates seemed great). So at this point just moving on. My gut tells me there’s about a 95% chance she’s either not interested or seeing someone else, and a 5% chance she simply isn’t a big texter and has truly been busy. Either way, moving forward. Thanks again!

    mbrod12
    mbrod12
    Participant
    September 27, 2018 at 6:56 pm #185677
    Reply To: Confused on what to do next…

    At this point, it seems the best I’ll get is “sorry, i have plans” every time I ask her to hang out and I can certainly take a hint. Just unfortunate, that’s all as I really like her and enjoyed getting to know her. What’s funny is guys always get labeled as “playing games” yet she’s kind of doing that to me, intentional or not…