Confused. Please Help.

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Confused. Please Help.

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  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
    DatingAdvice.com
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    Confused94
    Confused94
    Participant
    December 4, 2019 at 2:19 pm #226098
    Confused. Please Help.

    Earlier this I broke up with my boyfriend of three years. He is a young entrepreneur and although I was always supportive of it I eventually had to end things as he struggled to find time to spend with me (Eg: leaving me waiting at a restaurant for 3 hours for him to arrive). He also used to always take his frustration and exhaustion from work out on me, and although he would always apologize it eventually took its toll on me. I ended things not because I didn’t love him and want to be with him but rather so that he could pursue his career and have the time to focus on it. So that he would no longer have to feel guilty for letting me down, treating me badly or the pressure that came with the relationship. I tried very hard to make things work, I was always understanding, patient, kind, forgiving, and understanding. I wanted him to have the freedom so that he could come back to me.

    Confused94
    Confused94
    Participant
    December 4, 2019 at 2:22 pm #226099

    However, a couple of months later I met this truly amazing guy who adores me and treats me like absolute gold. We are inseparable and go together like Nutella on toast. He really is amazing and I feel extremely lucky to have found him. I decided not to tell my ex about this new relationship as I didn’t want to upset him or to think I had just carelessly moved on….. more to come

    Confused94
    Confused94
    Participant
    December 4, 2019 at 2:55 pm #226100

    My ex and I always kept in contact but over the months it has lessened more and more.
    Very recently I found out he has now entered into a new relationship (via good old facebook). Great way to find out.
    I am distraught.
    Why didn’t he come back to me? If he had this newfound time to pursue a relationship why didn’t he come back to me? But I also have a boyfriend who I love, how can I be this upset?
    I feel like all my hard work, patience, kindness, love and understanding have been thrown done the drain…. and he took all of it for granted. Did he ever really love me? The selflessness breaking up with him took was terrible, I cried for months until I met my new boyfriend (Like 6 months).

    Confused94
    Confused94
    Participant
    December 4, 2019 at 2:56 pm #226106

    We have stayed in contact since the breakup but communication had lessened over the last few months.
    I recently found out via facebook (How great) that he has entered into a new relationship.
    I am distraught.
    The selflessness it took to break up with him was unbearable… (I cried solidly for 4 months until I met my current boyfriend).
    Why didn’t he come back to me? I made it clear that I still wanted to be with him when we broke up and what my reasons for us breaking up were. If he had all this newfound time to pursue a relationship why not come back to me?
    All my love, patience, understanding and kindness have been taken for granted and just thrown into the trash.
    Also I have a new boyfriend who I love … why am I so upset?
    I just don’t understand why he would want to throw away our relationship and everything we had for something new.

    Kballer
    Kballer
    Participant
    December 6, 2019 at 6:57 am #226239

    You dodged a bullet by getting this guy out of your life. You said “(Eg: leaving me waiting at a restaurant for 3 hours for him to arrive). He also used to always take his frustration and exhaustion from work out on me”.. These are NOT signs of a positive, loving, relationship. He is obviously putting himself, and his career/business, ahead of you. When a guy REALLY loves a woman.. She is not taken for granted. She is respected. Her opinion matters. Leaving you waiting for him for 3 hours is a sure sign he has ZERO respect for you. Coach Corey Wayne teaches that people will only do to you what you allow them to… What I’m saying is that you are allowing him, or were allowing him, to treat you in a disrespectful manner. Granted, he should not have done that in the first place.. But after the first time it was up to you to pull him aside, and politely explain that you have boundaries and that he crossed them, and that you would not put up with that BS.

    dashingscorpio
    dashingscorpio
    Participant
    December 6, 2019 at 9:48 am #226257

    “I just don’t understand why he would want to throw away our relationship and everything we had for something new.”
    YOU dumped HIM! There’s this fantasy women in particular have regarding men crawling back to them shown in movies.
    One woman’s trash is another woman’s treasure. It’s always been that way.

    “While we are free to choose our actions we are not free to choose the consequences of our actions.”
    – Stephen R. Covey

    “I broke up with my boyfriend”
    “a couple of months later I met this truly amazing guy who adores me and treats me like absolute gold.”
    “We are inseparable…” “I decided not to tell my ex about this new relationship..”

    Don’t you see YOU did the same thing your ex boyfriend did.
    I suspect your “amazing guy” has no idea you’re still in love with your ex want him back.
    Your future lies ahead of you and not behind you. If you care about the new guy emotionally invest in him.
    You both found new people to be in relationships with without letting the other person know.