COnsistent (15+) first date rejections, and I have no idea what to do anymore

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COnsistent (15+) first date rejections, and I have no idea what to do anymore

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  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
    DatingAdvice.com
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    InTheTallGrass7769
    InTheTallGrass7769
    Participant
    December 12, 2019 at 2:17 pm #226526
    COnsistent (15+) first date rejections, and I have no idea what to do anymore

    I’m 32, male and I live in London.

    As the title suggests… I’ve been out with around 15 women to be more accurate for the last 4 months… and not a single one has been interested in seeing me past the first date. I don’t know what to do right now because they are so keen and interested when we text… we even facetime because I was wondering if somehow they were not getting enough of a feel for me and my personality through my pictures, texting and phone calls… And still, they have been eager. And then they meet me, we have a really good date with lots of chemistry. Sometimes even kiss at the end of the date… and then they send me the “I didn’t feel the spark” text. Some have just straight up ghosted me and sent no explanation. It’s so weird.

    I honestly don’t know what to do anymore… being rejected this much I am ok with if it’s online and we never met. But it’s psychologically damaging beyond belief to seem like everything a girl wants when you talk to her, even Facetime her

    dashingscorpio
    dashingscorpio
    Participant
    December 13, 2019 at 11:36 am #226563

    It sounds like you’re ONLY meeting women online.
    Hopefully you are aware there are other ways to meet new people.
    You might want to join a hobby/interest or singles networking group on Meetup dot com
    This will allow you to get to know people gradually at the monthly meetings and then ask them out on a date.

    You also may want to read Online Dating: Avoid the Catfish! How To Date Online Successfully
    It’s available on Kindle and paperback. “It’s not that online dating sucks, too many people suck at online dating!”
    There should be some worthwhile tips that will help you. One of them is to establish a great rapport BEFORE meeting.

    If you’ve engaged in some flirtatious banter during a few phone calls, shared some laughs, and so on a first date goes better.
    Meeting someone too soon for a first date is almost the equivalent of making “cold calls” as a door to door salesman.
    Another tip is to make the first date a daytime activity or lunch. Avoid the marathon first date!

    dashingscorpio
    dashingscorpio
    Participant
    December 13, 2019 at 11:57 am #226564

    You’re always better off leaving someone (wanting more) than feeling like they’ve had too much time with you.
    Three primary reasons why people don’t get a second date aside from not being physically attracted to someone.

    1. No Chemistry ( Dating is supposed to be fun. If people don’t have a “good time” they don’t want a repeat.)

    You want to find out what the Other Person (enjoys doing) or the type of food THEY like BEFORE going out with them.

    2. Interview and Test (No one enjoys taking a pop quiz or being interrogated especially on a first date.)

    First date questions should be Light and Easy Going.
    What do you enjoy doing for fun? If you could visit any place in the world where would you like to go?
    What is your favorite type of food? Who is your all-time favorite singer/band?

    3. Bad Behavior (A person says or does something offensive, commits an unknown “deal breaker”)
    Being late, excessive talking about oneself, arrogant, rude, silly, clingy, are turn offs.

    drew
    drew
    Participant
    December 13, 2019 at 9:53 pm #226570

    It appears another poster has at least implied that perhaps the problem is that you are restricting yourself to online dating. I am a lot older than you and believe that online is the only realistic option for me. In any event, I have become convinced that the very medium of online dating makes women WAY too picky. This may be the case with men as well, but I am only seeking women. I am highly educated, articulate, and in much better shape than most men my age. I also send well-thought out messages.

    But I get basically zero response. And the reason, I think, is that because of the medium the women (1) are tricked into focusing only on looks; and (2) believe that the “next” guy will be better (and there are a lot of guys to pick from).

    This is not a rant against women – it is the way online dating works that is, I suggest, the problem.

    My recommendation: try to meet women in the real world – Do not allow yourself to be commodified by online dating.

    herkamer63
    herkamer63
    Participant
    December 17, 2019 at 4:06 pm #226681

    I agree with the 2 guys above. Personal opinion, I don’t like online dating. It might work for some, but you’re anything like me, it doesn’t work out the way you want it.

    If there’s a woman you already know that IS single and you have been friends with for awhile, ask her out, regardless if she has a kid. I just did with a woman I’ve known since we were kids and she has a kid, and, honestly, we had a lot fun. If you decide to just be friends afterwards, that’s fine. Consider it some practice and a confidence builder. Trust me when I say other women will begin to notice. Not all, but A LOT of single women, probably more so with the ones that don’t have kids, LOVE to play hard to get because that gives them. But as soon as you go out with one, they’ll be friendly, see what you’re doing, and might even want to go out.

    I’m just a year older than you, so I understand what you’re going through. Just be confident, go out there and be yourself. Leave online dating behind for awhile.

    JesperT
    JesperT
    Participant
    December 29, 2019 at 11:56 am #227036

    I am in exactly the same situation. So you can comfort yourself that you are far from alone..

    It is so frustrating. Everything is going so well online and often lead to a date, but afterwards it is always that “I didn’t feel the spark” if they even answer at all..
    Yes, it might be a problem with online dating. The problem is that it is hard to find much options as an a bit older guy.
    But of course trying to get to know new people through common interests is a good way. If you actually have met IRL it won’t really be a surprise who you are.

    I guess many women using online dating build up some huge fantasy how good the guy will be IRL before meeting and then gets dissappointed.

    • This reply was modified 3 weeks, 3 days ago by JesperT JesperT. Reason: spelling error
    drew
    drew
    Participant
    December 29, 2019 at 12:55 pm #227042

    It is, of course, all well and good to “work on yourself” per the last post. But there is clearly a very real problem with online dating as a system – it clearly distorts how we evaluate others and makes us far more picky than we would be in real life. And this problem will not go away magically just because we seek to improve ourselves. Many of us who get nowhere on online dating would be great partners. However, if you are being tricked into thinking “the next guy will be George Clooney”, the entire system is doomed to fail.