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New here and it seems like a place for generally good advice , I’m thankful for anyone’s time. Recently, I’ve been experiencing an altogether unfortunate response with women when I approach them, almost everywhere and I’m not sure that’s conducive to dating. I’m single and ready to mingle LOL ( Oh how cliche I can be.) I’m sure of my ability to start a conversation, hold a conversation and emotionally engage someone in meaningful or at least fun conversation. I’ve never had problems or complaints with my social skill-set however, as stated , lately women just blow me off. I know for a fact I’m extremely physically attractive because most women stare and most people use to ask me if I’m a model.
I’m running short. I don’t lack the ability to mentally stimulate someone or visually stimulate someone soooo what am i doing wrong If I’m fairly friendly, Smile before approaching someone after sharing a few glances between walking over to them and attempting conversation?
EricParticipantJuly 20, 2016 at 3:42 am #105817
The question you have to ask yourself is whether you are too eager to make an impression on them? because if its so, u may seem desparate and this is turnoffJuly 20, 2016 at 5:50 am #105820
I appreciate the feedback Eric as I’m someone who believes that all feedback is worth ample consideration but I’m almost certainly positive that really Isn’t the problem however, considered as a possibility I feel first Impressions are important. Simply speaking , if they weren’t then I couldn’t be doing anything wrong and if they are important, well… I couldn’t be doing anything wrong. In term’s of desperation I’m of the casual variety when it comes to dating and I’m sure that shows. Rules of convention and etiquette Generally, I feel every one person is aware of and conventional wisdom is easily picked up on as a result of stunted progress or failure – failure is a good teacher.
I Guess I should have rephrased my Initial post. As someone having understanding in the way in which something is usually done, especially within a particular area or activity such as social interaction and introducing yourself to new people I’m not understanding, withstanding desperation, why.July 20, 2016 at 8:51 am #105823
Actually , Never mind Eric – I have more important things to do then think about this like live my life lol. Curiosity is Non-Judgmental, unsure, unfocused and distracting. I shouldn’t waste my time wondering what makes a person make the set of choices they do. Apologize for your inconvenience.
AnonymousInactiveJuly 24, 2016 at 3:57 pm #106354
Hi Eric! First, I want to appreciate you for your willingless to look at what’s going on! Do not so easily dismiss your efforts to learn about yourself as you are used to being successful and suddenly something is different, so why wouldn’t you seek more understanding? As a woman who has been approached a million times by men, I might have some things for you to mull over. You seem to be quite intelligent, so I will just give you the concepts so you can work with them in your own way. If you would like more understanding, then just let me know and I would be happy to help. I want to first let you know that I completely understand. I have been extremely successful in the dating world AND I have gone through some serious dry spells where I am barely being looked at….for many months!!!! So, like you, I asked why and this is what I came to understand. There are 4 reasons….which of them contributes the most, who knows! That is your own inquiry
AnonymousInactiveJuly 24, 2016 at 4:03 pm #106355
1. You have changed – maybe something inside of you has shifted and it’s coming out in your presentation and how you “feel” to a woman. Men underestimate a lot of times how intuitive women really are….whether they are aware of it or not. A woman will respond in basic terms…yes or no….depending on what she instantly feels like around him. Is she getting butterflies or boring signals? Is she getting the vibe that he is totally into himself or is completely likeable? So a woman gets a feeling and then has thoughts about it and THEN decides what to do about all of it. And this process happens in a matter of milliseconds. So…when it comes to your presentation and initial first impression, have you changed inside at all? About your standards, about yourself, about life in general? Sometimes things like a breakup or getting laid off or just 1 too many rejections and your energy will shift….it might be subtle but it changes how you come off….are you going through a
AnonymousInactiveJuly 24, 2016 at 4:07 pm #106356
“growing” phase? meaning…are you finding yourself more quiet and reflective or seeking more understanding of yourself? My point in all of this is that when you shift on the inside, it changes how people respond to you in the dating world. This aspect was one of the biggest contributors for me during the dry spell. I was craving a deeper experience and not interested in dating, just to date and have fun. So…I actually got what I asked for, but definitely not in a really fun way. BUT what the cool part was, is during that time, I really looked at how much I identified my self-esteem with how much attention I received. So if I wanted a healthy, solid, deep relationship, that meant I needed my self – esteem to NOT be based on other men’s flirtatious pursuit of me and vice versa. So needless to say, the dry spells always had incredible gifts for me. I needed to grow and scarcity and rejection were my teachers. Fun right? lol
AnonymousInactiveJuly 24, 2016 at 4:14 pm #106357
2. Looking in the wrong direction: have you considered that maybe the kind of girl you really want to get to know is not the kind of girl you are approaching? I’m not sure if you are just wanting to date for fun or are interested in maybe something more meaningful. I have also found that as I have changed, the men who used to catch my attention are not at all interesting to me, but I didn’t know that at first. I found myself responding to the same ol’ same ‘ol and it was empty and unfulfilling. I needed to start to raise the bar when considering who I would invite into my space. So maybe the kind of women you are approaching are actually not in alignment with what you are really looking for? And because of that….those ladies who are not responding to you feel that vibe-unconsciously of course. So maybe start to make her work a little harder or earn your attention MORE to see if she is even worth your initial first impression
AnonymousInactiveJuly 24, 2016 at 4:18 pm #106358
3. The dating world has completely changed!!! Since online dating has become the norm, meeting organically has taken quite a hit. I could go into all the reasons why and how and what to do about it, but I don’t even know how old you are….you may be younger so you don’t even know what dating was like before the online craze hit. So let’s just leave it at this….meeting someone organically is not so easy anymore…your lack of recent success may be due to how it all has changed….i personally do not tell people to change who they are or how they approach someone. I am a firm believer that a person needs to be attracted to you just as you are and if they reject you….then so be it….no need to go into changing you just being you. Of course that in and of itself is an entire conversation of which I won’t go into. Just want you to know you are not alone. This is a conversation I have had with many many men who are really confused!
AnonymousInactiveJuly 24, 2016 at 4:23 pm #106359
4. Last but definitely not least….many times we deeply crave changes….for example, I want a very specific type of relationship with a man. I have extremely high standards and I know what works really well with me. That also means that I must be able to offer every single thing I require….to him as well. So that means I have some growing to do in order to match the kind of man I wish to attract. I personally believe that I get exactly what I ask for in ways that are extremely hard. For example….I am interested in a man who has an incredibly strong self esteem that is built on his internal strength and connection to himself. So I must also be that as well if I am going to match him. How do I become that??? What better way than to go through some serious dry spells where I am constantly rejected and feel anonymous. So maybe you are deeply craving change and growth and this is how life is going to help you get exactly what you want. Rejection is so POWERFUL in helping
AnonymousInactiveJuly 24, 2016 at 4:27 pm #106360
us evolve into a more solid person.
So bottom line here is….it doesn’t really matter what is happening on the outside…it matters what your thoughts are about it. You can dismiss all of this rejection you are not used to and say you are not going to spend your life energy thinking about this….OR you can look at how this unusual season is going to gift you with more strength, understanding and improvement of who you are from the inside. It’s up to you. I know this was a long post, but hopefully something in this helped.
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