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aryiasParticipantDecember 5, 2012 at 6:07 am #18178
I’ve been with my boyfriend for 4 years..ever since freshman year in high school. He’s my first boyfriend and I’m also his first girlfriend, so we had a rocky start. In the beginning, he was very sweet…we had our own friends at the time…he wrote me a love poem for my birthday, gave me v-day cards, gifts, wanted to talk to me, talked to me often and everything. We’re now in separate college. He goes to UCSB while I go to UCLA, so we’re not that far. I visit him occasionally, but lately….he’s just..despondent. In our senior year of high school, the feelings were there for me…we just started having sex in that year too…(I put it off because I wasn’t sure about him, but once I was..we did it pretty often). In our senior year though he got pretty into the game League of Legends with his friends and that’s…all he does? He pretty much plays and talks to his friends..and that’s about it..the only words he types to me are like..”ok” “I love you” “hi” “bye gnight”. I can say something about my day and he wouldn’t respond in any way. I love him so much, but I can’t even get him to talk to me about anything. He gives simple one word answers that clearly show his treating me like a baby. “awww” “cutieee” “I love you” “pooor youuu” is all I get from him. I have spoken to him about it, but he gets angry. In the beginning of our college year, I admit I had trust issues and would ask him about things often, but then we had a huge fight and he promised me that if I trusted him more, he would talk to me more. Since then, he’s told me that he loves me wholeheartedly….and I trust him now…but he still pretty much treats me like a baby..a kid…I love him so much, but there are more important things to him…video games…he puts his friends over me….I pay for most everything because that’s the only way I can get him to go out with me. It’s just..he hasn’t kept his promise. He doesn’t ever talk to me. His friends are more important to him..it doesn’t matter how much he hangs out with his friends he’ll only want to hang out with them. I plan all our dates..when they are..I ask if we can have it on a certain day…certain time. If he says no, then never can it ever work. He never compromises..ever..when i don’t fit into his image of me, then i can’t do it. It’s not that he leaves me entirely alone. If I say bad words, he says “omg no bad words” and forces me to apologize. If I wear makeup, he wipes it off..wear revealing clothing I get a scolding “Put more clothing on”. Yes, I realize he doesn’t want me to turn into a “slut”, but when he cares about trivial things like tying my hair up…and how it looks “ugly” to him..I think he thinks I’m ugly in general. He’s also an artist, yet he won’t draw me..I’ve asked him to multiple times..he always says no he doesn’t want to. When I throw a fit, he gets angry. If I don’t even give him sex, he throws a fit and I give in.
What do I do? I love him too much to break up with him, but there’s no end to this and I end up crying every night.
pseudogfParticipantDecember 5, 2012 at 12:32 pm #18206
Wow, I’m so sorry to hear that he’s treating you this way!
It does seem like you’re a bit of a push over though. You’re insecure and willing to drop everything for him and that’s ok because you like him a lot, but I don’t see where he’s every dropping everything for you.
It really could be that he doesn’t know how to treat a girl and I bet he doesn’t respect his mom or any sisters either. He just hasn’t grown up and he can’t balance a girlfriend right now.
This high school sweetheart thinks college is just the same and the distance probably isn’t a big deal to him since you’re arranging everything. If he’s touchy about the topic of your relationship, I bet it’s because he has no idea what to say when you ask him.
Try to hang out with more girlfriends and be social with the kids in your school, you’ll realize it’s not worth isolating yourself to someone who isn’t giving you the time you deserve. Pick up a new hobby and join a club, pursue your college career and be proud of the empire you’re building for yourself, don’t let petty arguments stop you.
sammyParticipantDecember 26, 2012 at 4:21 am #19455
I’ve unforunately been in the same situation. Sometimes it is hard to decide when enough is enough. As previously advised by the previous commenter, I would also suggest trying to pick up new hobbies and making new friends. Maybe you have more free time than he does, and you have more time that you feel “lonely”. However, after trying this and things dont seem to get any better ask yourself this: “am i more happy or upset majority of the time I think of ______?”.
In my case, I was clearly upset majority of the time but all the memories we had together were the only reason I felt like I needed to hold on. I kept hoping there would be a light at the end of the tunnel and things would suddenly change back for the better. (it didnt) It is hard to let go of your first love, but sometimes necessary. Tell him how you feel and If he isnt willing to put in any effort for you and isnt willing to fight for you, you definitely deserve better. Especially, for all of the effort you have been putting in. GOOD LUCK!
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