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veracarnParticipantApril 10, 2014 at 1:52 am #50847
Before we started dating, my boyfriend was my best friend of 5 years. He ended up going through a divorce. A year ago we decided to take our relationship to the next level & start dating. So crazy but it just felt right. We have had a great year but something isn’t jiving. He has been withdrawn, doesn’t care if he spends time w/ me or not. This is a complete change! I used to have a key to his place, but after the lock broke, he doesn’t want to give me a new key. (He has a 15 year old son, who he had when he was 20. He lived w/ the child’s mom from birth, eventually marrying her after 7 years.) He keeps telling me he doesn’t want to give me a key or spend more time together bc he enjoys his alone time, but tells me he wants a family w/ me. We even looked at houses & engagement rings. He’s also been hanging out w/ people a lot younger than him. Is this a midlife crisis that will pass? (Since he never really experienced his 20s) or should I assume this is the new permanent him & move on
trippedParticipantApril 10, 2014 at 1:48 pm #50896
Do you know why he got divorced? Sounds like a lack of commitment might be his problem. Some people out themselves first and that’s just how they’re wired. He probably sees nothing wrong with wanting alone time and privacy, and to him that doesn’t mean he doesn’t care about you and want those things with you. I think it’s up to you to figure out if that’s a level of commitment from him that makes you comfortable or not. It seems like you want someone more invested, and that may just not be in his nature. He might be able to force it for a bit longer, but I would not expect him to outright change. It seems like he forced it while the relationship was new, but this is more of his natural state.
veracarnParticipantApril 10, 2014 at 4:14 pm #50937
He chose divorce bc he never wanted to married in the first place. It was a college fling that resulted in pregnancy. She didn’t want the baby, he did. They moved in together bc he felt it was his responsibility since she hadn’t even wanted the child. He eventually married her bc it’s what she wanted, but their relationship was more like a glorified roommate situation. They never even shared a bank account. But he tells me he wants all of the things he never had with her, with me. He wants more kids and tells me he’s never felt like this about anyone or anything before. That’s why I’m so confused.
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