Dating a 'second choice'

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Dating a 'second choice'

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  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
    DatingAdvice.com
    November 11, 2018 at 11:02 pm FORUM ANNOUNCEMENT

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    WaHazlehurst1994
    WaHazlehurst1994
    Participant
    July 2, 2018 at 5:09 pm #178593
    Dating a 'second choice'

    I recently asked a female friend (A) out and was politely turned down, so I’ve decided to consider asking out a different female friend (B.) My main anxiety is how to handle the issue, if it comes up, that I had asked out a different woman out first and decided to ask B out after being turned down by A, as I fear that bluntly saying that I was more confident of a happy relationship with A than I was with B but obviously had no chance after being explicitly turned down will be somewhat insensitive, but I am confident that by actively trying to conceal that I had asked A out first would be very bad for any relationship I might have with B, and I have no idea how I can discuss the matter sensitively.

    There were several reasons I chose to ask A out first rather than B, mainly just because B is 3 – 4 years my senior (whilst A was born within three months of me), and dating an older woman has just not been what I expected to do, but I’ve decided that this is a terrible reason to pass up what could be a good opportunity for a happy relationship. I had also recently spent more time with A in group social settings than B. There are however several things that B has over A, mainly a slightly unusual set of common interests which I don’t believe I share with any other friend at the moment.

    It is probably relevant to mention that whilst I do not believe A or B have ever met each other, they are highly likely to do so in the future as I know both of them from the same group and share several mutual acquaintances and friends. I am also likely to encounter A again via this group and hope we can remain friends.

    I personally am not at all heartbroken by my rejection from A and feel very optimistic about the possibility of a good relationship with B, but I have no idea how I would see the situation from the other side given that it is comparatively uncommon for women to ask men out. I’ve also never had a girlfriend at the age of 24 (I have no idea if B has either for that matter) so I can’t imagine I’d be particularly bothered by knowing a woman had a slight preference for another man but gave me a chance upon being turned down, as a woman seeing me as even worth dating at all would be highly gratifying for me. Obviously if B has been in a similar position she may not be that bothered, but if not then I don’t know.

    Can you advise how best to deal with this situation if it comes up? Many thanks.

    WaHazlehurst1994
    WaHazlehurst1994
    Participant
    July 3, 2018 at 7:23 am #178594

    There were several reasons I chose to ask A out first rather than B, mainly just because B is 3 – 4 years my senior (whilst A was born within three months of me), and dating an older woman has just not been what I expected to do, but I’ve decided that this is a terrible reason to pass up what could be a good opportunity for a happy relationship. I had also recently spent more time with A in group social settings than B. There are however several things that B has over A, mainly a slightly unusual set of common interests which I don’t believe I share with any other friend at the moment.

    It is probably relevant to mention that whilst I do not believe A or B have ever met each other, they are highly likely to do so in the future as I know both of them from the same group and share several mutual acquaintances and friends. I am also likely to encounter A again via this group and hope we can remain friends.

    WaHazlehurst1994
    WaHazlehurst1994
    Participant
    July 3, 2018 at 7:23 am #178595

    I personally am not at all heartbroken by my rejection from A and feel very optimistic about the possibility of a good relationship with B, but I have no idea how I would see the situation from the other side given that it is comparatively uncommon for women to ask men out. I’ve also never had a girlfriend at the age of 24 (I have no idea if B has either for that matter) so I can’t imagine I’d be particularly bothered by knowing a woman had a slight preference for another man but gave me a chance upon being turned down, as a woman seeing me as even worth dating at all would be highly gratifying for me. Obviously if B has been in a similar position she may not be that bothered, but if not then I don’t know.

    Can you advise how best to deal with this situation if it comes up? Many thanks.

    dashingscorpio
    dashingscorpio
    Participant
    July 3, 2018 at 12:11 pm #178641

    Get out of your own way!

    “dating an older woman has just not been what I expected to do…”
    It’s just a date! Not a wedding proposal!

    Go out have some fun and see what happens.
    Stop worrying about who you asked out first. Odds are “A” was not the very girl you ever asked out either.
    Everybody gets rejected. In a world with over 7 Billion people rejection just means: NEXT!

    In the future you might want to avoid asking “friends” out because it’s hard to escape the “friend zone”.
    Usually if a girl considers you to be her “friend” it’s because she doesn’t see (you) as being a potential “lover”.