Dating an older, divorced man with commitment issues

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Dating an older, divorced man with commitment issues

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  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
    DatingAdvice.com
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    lishaQuickQ
    lishaQuickQ
    Participant
    May 20, 2019 at 12:43 am #200672
    Dating an older, divorced man with commitment issues

    I’m 24 and have been seeing someone who is 37 for the past year and a half. While the age gap appears significant (and might be significant), it hasn’t felt like there is much of a chasm between our maturity and personality. When I met him, he had been divorced for about two years. He had only been married about two years as well. The woman he was with had cheated on him with another woman. I can only imagine how that might affect a man’s ability to trust women or his own judgment. Consequently, he has realized he doesn’t want to be married again and it has changed our dynamic. We went from lovey dovey and happy to him enjoying my company but closing himself off. We can’t hangout TOO frequently or do bf gf stuff (like meet his family), because it seems like too much of a commitment. It’s confusing to have him want to hangout and be with me but only to a degree… Is this going nowhere? Is this normal? Do I keep taking it day by day or hit the road?

    stoke2te
    stoke2te
    Participant
    May 22, 2019 at 5:40 pm #200953

    You’re 24 and he’s 37… you two are in totally different places in life. You deserve someone young, full of love, trust, and a free spirit. A man at 37 has scars that you will never understand until you’re that age. Go for someone closer to your age.

    dollyfae
    dollyfae
    Participant
    May 22, 2019 at 9:14 pm #200955

    You are in TOTALLY different mindsets at these ages. If you suspect he won’t give you what you want, keep moving! You have so much time ahead of you and so many people to meet and have fun, healthy relationships with. You know what’s best for you.

    dashingscorpio
    dashingscorpio
    Participant
    May 24, 2019 at 12:12 am #200990

    “Dating an older, divorced man with commitment issues ”
    “When I met him, he had been divorced for about two years.”
    “The woman he was with had cheated on him with another woman.”
    “..has realized he doesn’t want to be married again”

    Anyone who has actually gone through a divorce is probably not in a hurry to get married again.
    This is especially true if their former spouse cheated on them.

    You said you’ve been dating him for about a year and yet it’s not clear if this is an exclusive relationship or “situationship”.
    If you haven’t had “the talk” about being an exclusive you should be keeping your options open by dating other guys.
    On the other hand if you are in an “exclusive relationship” that is a “committed relationship”.
    Marriage is not “commitment”. As you noted {he was married} and his wife cheated on him!
    Commitment is (behavior) not a marital status. Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell have lived together for 32 years.
    It’s possible to have commitment without marriage. He’s told you he doesn’t want to get married.
    If you want to get married he’s not “the one” for you. Move on!

    Tabithaclark
    Tabithaclark
    Participant
    May 28, 2019 at 8:23 am #201093

    It sounds like he has a lot of issues of his own and youre too young to have to deal with all that baggage. Let him know this is how you feel, that’s he is being closed off to you and that you’re not going to stick around if he’s not commiting.

    lc11005
    lc11005
    Participant
    June 30, 2019 at 5:37 am #203139

    I’ve been in a similar situation – guy was 33 I was 22 he’d previously been married and cheated on. He had commitment issues and was never going to be ready for a relationship. He hid me away and we never did normal couple things … eventually he just disappeared out of my life. Don’t go there find someone young who doesn’t have that emotional baggage. Trust me there are plenty of fish in the sea who will appreciate you 🙂

    Anonymous
    Anonymous
    July 5, 2019 at 7:25 pm #203297

    You are too young and full of enthusiasm. After 30+ and difficult experiences people tend to be less hopefully romantic. You are at different phases in life.

    jameswattson6
    jameswattson6
    Participant
    July 6, 2019 at 12:30 pm #203305
    Reply To: Dating an older, divorced man with commitment issues

    hey getting yourself in there was your decision in the first place and you never cared about the age so i tell you what any advice giving to you can improve your thinking and won’t cause you to take any decision.so my dear just do what you convincingly think it’s right and if you know God i’ll advice you pray about it too.

    RT1995AB
    RT1995AB
    Participant
    July 11, 2019 at 10:45 am #203570
    Reply To: Dating an older, divorced man with commitment issues

    At the age of 37 I would figure he would be better able to openly communicate and handle these types of things. Also, if he is unwilling to get married and possibly never have children, is this a relationship you want to continue? I think a lot of times we become so focused on what the other person thinks of us or needs from us that we ignore our own needs. You want to be married, he doesn’t. He is getting older every year and probably going to become less willing to do the whole marriage thing as tme goes along. It also sounds like he needs to go get help to sort out these things but this is not your responsbility. So now you have to take time to think about what you want. Best of luck!

    Anomaly6
    Anomaly6
    Participant
    July 12, 2019 at 10:17 pm #203618
    Reply To: Dating an older, divorced man with commitment issues

    I don’t agree that 24 & 37 are completely different mindsets, sometimes people of different ages hit it off and that’s the end of it! I dont get people who just dismiss the relationship right away because of that, I dont think that’s being sincere or subjective at all!

    But the whole divorced thing would be a dead giveaway that hes got commitment issues to me.. But then I’m not or will never be a divorced person so maybe that’s just me not being subjective too.. Best of luck tho, but I would look for someone better and that’s got nothing to do with age difference!

    kerhart2572
    kerhart2572
    Participant
    July 14, 2019 at 8:46 pm #203642
    Reply To: Dating an older, divorced man with commitment issues

    Move on and wait for someone who definitely wants what you want. If he isn’t ready to commit, for whatever reason, and you are, you need to find someone who wants to commit. He may get to that place and contact you in the future and, if you are still single and interested, you can give it another try. Don’t put your life on hold waiting for him to figure his life out.