Dating an older, divorced man with commitment issues

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Dating an older, divorced man with commitment issues

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  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
    DatingAdvice.com
    June 6, 2019 at 3:54 pm FORUM ANNOUNCEMENT

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    lishaQuickQ
    lishaQuickQ
    Participant
    May 20, 2019 at 12:43 am #200672
    Dating an older, divorced man with commitment issues

    I’m 24 and have been seeing someone who is 37 for the past year and a half. While the age gap appears significant (and might be significant), it hasn’t felt like there is much of a chasm between our maturity and personality. When I met him, he had been divorced for about two years. He had only been married about two years as well. The woman he was with had cheated on him with another woman. I can only imagine how that might affect a man’s ability to trust women or his own judgment. Consequently, he has realized he doesn’t want to be married again and it has changed our dynamic. We went from lovey dovey and happy to him enjoying my company but closing himself off. We can’t hangout TOO frequently or do bf gf stuff (like meet his family), because it seems like too much of a commitment. It’s confusing to have him want to hangout and be with me but only to a degree… Is this going nowhere? Is this normal? Do I keep taking it day by day or hit the road?

    stoke2te
    stoke2te
    Participant
    May 22, 2019 at 5:40 pm #200953

    You’re 24 and he’s 37… you two are in totally different places in life. You deserve someone young, full of love, trust, and a free spirit. A man at 37 has scars that you will never understand until you’re that age. Go for someone closer to your age.

    dollyfae
    dollyfae
    Participant
    May 22, 2019 at 9:14 pm #200955

    You are in TOTALLY different mindsets at these ages. If you suspect he won’t give you what you want, keep moving! You have so much time ahead of you and so many people to meet and have fun, healthy relationships with. You know what’s best for you.

    dashingscorpio
    dashingscorpio
    Participant
    May 24, 2019 at 12:12 am #200990

    “Dating an older, divorced man with commitment issues ”
    “When I met him, he had been divorced for about two years.”
    “The woman he was with had cheated on him with another woman.”
    “..has realized he doesn’t want to be married again”

    Anyone who has actually gone through a divorce is probably not in a hurry to get married again.
    This is especially true if their former spouse cheated on them.

    You said you’ve been dating him for about a year and yet it’s not clear if this is an exclusive relationship or “situationship”.
    If you haven’t had “the talk” about being an exclusive you should be keeping your options open by dating other guys.
    On the other hand if you are in an “exclusive relationship” that is a “committed relationship”.
    Marriage is not “commitment”. As you noted {he was married} and his wife cheated on him!
    Commitment is (behavior) not a marital status. Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell have lived together for 32 years.
    It’s possible to have commitment without marriage. He’s told you he doesn’t want to get married.
    If you want to get married he’s not “the one” for you. Move on!

    Tabithaclark
    Tabithaclark
    Participant
    May 28, 2019 at 8:23 am #201093

    It sounds like he has a lot of issues of his own and youre too young to have to deal with all that baggage. Let him know this is how you feel, that’s he is being closed off to you and that you’re not going to stick around if he’s not commiting.