Dating for three years and unsure if he's the one

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Dating for three years and unsure if he's the one

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  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
    DatingAdvice.com
    November 11, 2018 at 5:04 pm FORUM ANNOUNCEMENT

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    geangean887
    geangean887
    Participant
    October 25, 2018 at 11:51 pm #187935
    Dating for three years and unsure if he's the one

    I have been dating my boyfriend for three years. He is one of the greatest people that I have ever met, is my best friend, and I love him so much but I keep getting so upset with him and question our relationship. When I think about marrying him, I am very excited about that idea at times and at other times I panic and worry if we’re right for eachother. Many of the issues that I have are what many would think are “not important” but they are triggers that set me off into panic mode. At the same time, I don’t think I’ll ever find someone that is as loving, genuine, trusting, and compatible with me.  I can’t seem to get myself out of this cycle of confusion where I am happy but then I panic every now and then and worry over these minor things which leads to me worrying if we are right for each other.  We tried a break this summer but I was devastated and convinced myself that he was right for me and I had to look past these issues but months later I fell back into the same cycle. 

    geangean887
    geangean887
    Participant
    October 26, 2018 at 12:35 am #187937

    I also grew up with my parents going through multiple divorces and haven’t had a strong track record with dating myself (this is my first serious relationship). I’m unsure if I’m confused and acting crazy because of my personal reasons or because we are not right together.

    richiro
    richiro
    Participant
    October 26, 2018 at 2:09 pm #187979

    yeah.. so my “laymen’s” assessment is that these are internal issues and not related to him. You will need to work on those and find a peace with them. It also sounds like you feel like it’s time to “put up or shut up” with the relationship so “cold feet” is common in ANY “potentially permanent” decision. Its not a bad thing – it’s a healthy thing in fact to always question and make sure.

    but at the same time – we also need to realize that sometimes we just have to trust ourselves at some point- and take a slight leap of faith and jump in with both feet (enough cliche’s for you? hehe).

    It sounds bad to say this, but nothing is permanent so even if it IS a mistake – it’s not a mistake – know whati mean? Even if it doesn’t work out, it doesn’t mean it’s a mistake.

    in the end – the things we can never fix… ARE REGRETS and lost opportunities. We can never go back in time and say “i wish i had…” But we can clean up things we DO that didn’t turn out right.

    dashingscorpio
    dashingscorpio
    Participant
    October 26, 2018 at 8:00 pm #188019

    NEVER IGNORE “RED FLAGS”!

    How old are you and how old is your boyfriend?

    “I panic and worry if we’re right for each other.
    “Many of the {issues} that I have are what many would think are “not important” but they are triggers that set me off into panic mode.”
    “We tried a break this summer but I was devastated and {convinced myself that he was right for me} and I had to look past these issues..”

    If something does not (feel) right to you it’s probably NOT right for (you).

    Oftentimes people “romanticize obstacles” and see breaking up and getting back together as a sign they are soulmates.
    In reality they never made a serious effort to move on from one another! In order to move on you have to let go.
    Observe the no-contact rule for a year.

    No one who is “in love” and considering marriage should have to SELL them self on tying the knot with their “soulmate”.
    A spouse should not be an “acquired taste”. The goal is to find someone who {already is} what you want in a mate.

    dashingscorpio
    dashingscorpio
    Participant
    October 31, 2018 at 11:42 am #188282

    Anonymous the main initial preference search people use to filter online dating sites is (age group and relationship status).
    Once that pops up they scroll through pages looking for “attractive” photos.
    This explains why someone in their 50s might list themselves as being 49 or another uses an younger photo of themselves.
    They both know they’re likely to be ruled out before anyone actually reads their profile.

    Legally anyone who has never been married is considered “single” by law.
    Therefore in the eyes of the law it’s possible to be in a relationship or living with someone and yet be considered “single”.
    Job applications, government forms, and medical forms generally list (married), (divorced), and (single) as one’s legal status.

    Another status change that has become acceptable in our society is erasing the line between being single and divorced.
    Most divorced people see themselves as being single even though that term is for those who have never been married.