Dating in your 20s sucks

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Dating in your 20s sucks

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  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
    DatingAdvice.com
    December 12, 2018 at 8:42 pm FORUM ANNOUNCEMENT

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    boyish
    boyish
    Participant
    March 12, 2018 at 9:59 pm #167258
    Dating in your 20s sucks

    I recently met someone who I’m head over heels for. He’s incredibly awkward but endearing. I’m 22 and finishing my last semester of undergrad. He’s 23 and in the second semester of his graduate program. When we first met, we were constantly talking to each other via text. I’m notorious for being an awful texter, but I’d reply to him in a heartbeat. We went on a couple dates and I loved it. We made it clear to each other that we’re not into casual sex (yay) and that we’re interested in knowing each other more. He would text me after each date asking if I got home safe and/or that he had a great time (double yay). We always have a lot to talk about and I can tell we both really enjoy each other’s company.

    Last week, I noticed he was responding to me less. I thought it was odd so I backed off for a bit. Someone gave me two tickets to an event for this past Saturday. I asked before if he wanted to go and he said yes. (con’t)

    • This topic was modified 9 months ago by boyish boyish.
    • This topic was modified 9 months ago by boyish boyish.
    boyish
    boyish
    Participant
    March 12, 2018 at 9:59 pm #167259

    I texted Friday to confirm and this is basically what he said:

    “Hey, I owe you an explanation. I text to go through these period of being pretty down, a lot of it stems from stress at school I think. I start doubting myself. I just want to let you know that I am not trying to avoid you, but am wanting to allow myself to think this through on my own. I don’t feel up for the flower tomorrow. But I want to be clear that I do want to see you again, and that my lack of response is not due to anything you’ve done. It’s all internal on my end.”

    It’s not terrible, but I do feel lost as to what I should do next. I told him that I understand and that when he’s ready, he can call me. There’s an insecure part of me that is scared that he will never call me. There’s a huge part of me that wants to reach out to him again. Maybe this isn’t a big deal, but it’s driving my 22-year-old brain crazy.

    • This reply was modified 9 months ago by boyish boyish.
    LoneWolf
    LoneWolf
    Participant
    March 13, 2018 at 12:51 pm #167305

    I’m having this same issue right now, albeit with the gender roles reversed. I’ve told her to let me know when she’s ready, just as you have told him, and that’s all that can really be done. If they truly care, they will reach out.

    The thing that’s driving me crazy is how long to endure the silence before acting or moving on. People deserve space, of course, but I don’t wanna be stuck waiting forever.

    boyish
    boyish
    Participant
    March 14, 2018 at 8:29 am #167348

    I agree…I think I’ll stick it out, but I feel kind of lame. I know that I don’t have to wait for this person, but a part of me kind of is. I’m scared that I’ll end up not talking to him for a month. That would hurt.

    KCBrown
    KCBrown
    Participant
    March 15, 2018 at 1:02 am #167402

    All you can do is wait, and he knows that you’re there for him – just give him space. I know that’s hard, I’m the same when it comes to these sort of things. I overthink the situation and make myself feel worse. His message was nice though, I don’t think you have anything to worry about.
    Give it some time, maybe a week, and message him just to see how he’s going.

    moizzy16
    moizzy16
    Participant
    March 15, 2018 at 2:32 am #167412

    I agree dating in this time and age is frustrating. I would definitely give him the time he’s asking for. I would also not be completely hesitant to pursue other people, unless you really really care about him. The only reason I say this is because he could be using that as an excuse to get some space. Regardless, it feels good to vent about it.

    5footnothing
    5footnothing
    Participant
    March 15, 2018 at 6:19 pm #167453

    I’m new here but totally agree that it sucks. I’m 21 and just can’t seem to find anyone. I would be inclined to think he is genuine in what he said and you should just give him the time he clearly needs and he will contact you. If he doesn’t contact you in a week though I would be concerned as I would personally expect even a quick text just to check in on how you’re doing even if he’s not up for a long conversation. Give him the benefit of the doubt for now that it’s genuine 🙂

    anonymousgirl1000
    anonymousgirl1000
    Participant
    March 16, 2018 at 12:07 pm #167523

    It definitely sucks. I hate it. I’m going through a similar situation and I completely believe his excuse. It has nothing to do you. He may be stressed or not completely over an ex. Can’t really say. The best thing to do is to give him space. DONT call or text him. He just needs to see things clearly. Just the fact that he told you that shows that he has respect for you. Many guys aren’t man enough to do this.

    surchie 434
    surchie 434
    Participant
    March 16, 2018 at 9:37 pm #167623

    I personally just want to finish my education then look for my man .I know it’s hard having small crushes here and there, but there so many more, em out there , don’t forget about that . Lots of hotter, taller men 😀

    boyish
    boyish
    Participant
    March 20, 2018 at 5:46 pm #167961
    Reply To: Dating in your 20s sucks

    So, an update on what happened. He messaged me sometime last we and we were talking again (awesome). We were planning on having dinner together Saturday (once again, awesome). I was feeling pretty excited. Saturday rolls around and I get a text from him saying that he forgot that nine prospective graduate students were visiting and he and the other people in his department were going to take them out to dinner. I was pretty bummed. He asked me if I was free Sunday and I said no (I had work). Sunday rolls around and I finish work earlier than expected so I called him to see if he might be free. I get this text back:

    “I feel like a complete ass for being so distant with you. I’m really just under a lot of stress and duress right now from finals. I feel woefully unprepared for my texts and a bit lost. I’m channeling that frustration into my social life and that’s a mistake for me to let happen” (con’t)

    boyish
    boyish
    Participant
    March 20, 2018 at 5:49 pm #167962
    Reply To: Dating in your 20s sucks

    My reply:

    “It’s okay, I understand. It sounds like life has been unpleasant to you lately. Please do whatever you need to do to take care of yourself. I’m pretty patient and reasonable. I just ask you to let me know how I can help and/or understand you better. I want to reiterate that I like you very much and I enjoy being around you. That being said, I understand if you need time to sort out the stresses in your life. Perhaps it would be better to pick things up after finals?”

    I haven’t heart from him in two days. I’m sort of planning for the worst. I’m keeping myself open to other people, but damn. I was hoping things would work out with this person. Who knows. I’m crossing my fingers. I’m not sure if what I said was too much, but it was how I felt.