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jbj1965ParticipantMarch 5, 2018 at 3:42 am #166792
This is challenging for me! Never thought I’d be on a dating advise boarD. I have been seeing a man a few years older than myself, I’m 53. It’s been about 7 weeks now, though we started “chatting” about 3 months ago and made the official move to meet in January. It went very well. We talked for hours without a lull. We are compatible and comfortable with each other. And we are intimate, and that is great as well. We hold hands, we kiss hello and goodbye, I stay over. I have to wonder when to have the CONVERSATION about what we are: b/g, FB’s. This hasn’t even been broached during our time together. I know it’s probably a bit too soon, but I’m very angsty right now and I don’t want this to spill over into our time together. So far it hasn’t. Our work and living situations are a bit different. We both live and work overseas from our home countries. I care very much for him already and don’t want to appear needy.
richiroParticipantMarch 8, 2018 at 12:27 pm #167062
what did you discuss leading up to the dates. any hints mentioned of what each of you wanted?
Are you both permanently living/working overseas or is that for a definitive time period only and then you both will return home?
When you talk do you talk future? Or do you jus thave fun when you go out on dates?
Conversational clues and where you go and don’t go, what he engages in and doesn’t engage in – are HUGE clues what he is thinking for you two.
Then again, you an always just bring it up – women are much better in finding ways to bring it up then men lol. For men.. we’d just com straight out with it, “so what are we? what do you consider me?”
WithoutweaponParticipantMarch 12, 2018 at 3:31 am #167187
I hear ya with the whole ‘ not wanting to appear needy’ thing..43 and dating for first time since divorce in 2013. Feel like a neurotic jackass a great deal of the time. Fortunately I have managed to keep my neurosis under wraps when he’s around, but when he’s not..well, I get anxious, skeptical, self-doubting, and frustrated with the entirety of it!
You stated yourself that you two are very comfortable around each other, correct?
Than it’s simple..say or ask the things you need to. If you are truly comfortable, than you really didn’t even need to post the question to the forum. You already know the answer, go for it!
What’s the lesser of the evils…having him wonder why you are becoming increasingly more awkward, because it’s weighing on you…or, ask the questions you need to and processing the answers you are given?
Best to you.
mark888ParticipantMarch 16, 2018 at 6:00 pm #167612
I always find that 2 people kinda fall together naturally without a conversation. Especially if we are doing something together every day without making specific plans. Then I don’t have to ask. But if u are still just making dates once a week… it might be too early to “ask”.
D.A.ParticipantMarch 19, 2018 at 9:59 am #167717
The timing of the “future case” scenarios can be problematic. It may depend on HIS past situation. I find a lot of men have excess baggage after being in a marriage for a long period of time. Have you talked about his past relationships? Have you asked what went wrong? This conversation may lead to a greater understanding of what he wants for the future without actually asking the question.
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