Dating with a disability / My ex still wants to be friends

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Dating with a disability / My ex still wants to be friends

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  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
    DatingAdvice.com
    December 12, 2018 at 11:18 pm FORUM ANNOUNCEMENT

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    overdrive
    overdrive
    Participant
    September 6, 2018 at 12:55 pm #183551
    Dating with a disability / My ex still wants to be friends

    Hi

    I have a condition known as crohn and it’s been very difficult especially with dating

    I was dating my ex for about 8 months

    1) it was long distance ( till the end of this year she would be done with school & would be home by me )

    2) there was a 5 year age gap I was 27 and she was 22

    Anyway she wanted a “break” ( she said it was because the school )

    But I feel she was lying to me because while we did a “break“ for 4 months

    She said some hurtful things

    “ I thought at age 27 you would be living on your own “
    “ I wish you had a Career more in your field “

    These comments fly in the face of my expensive condition and the ‘break”

    So I broke up with her at the beginning of the year

    She wanted to see me during the summer be friends but I told her no basically

    Because I didn’t want to be put on sidelines while she meets someone else

    She still contact me saying “hey looks like your doing well :)”

    What should I do when she get home later this year

    I’m still hurt by the way I was treated

    I know she will want to try and meet up to rekindle things

    Everything was fine before the break

    • This topic was modified 3 months ago by overdrive overdrive.
    • This topic was modified 3 months ago by overdrive overdrive.
    tyler
    tyler
    Participant
    September 14, 2018 at 3:13 pm #184343

    Has she ever seen you before? If so, it may be that she just doesn’t really know what you go through when you have a flare up and how frustratingly expensive autoimmune diseases are since she lives far away and doesn’t see u much. I have ulcerative colitis and I know how painful and embarrassing it can be I haven’t even dated since I was diagnosed. Maybe you should still meet her casually and give her another chance to spend more time with you maybe she’ll understand? If the negative remarks continue then it’s probably time to end it and look for someone else.

    overdrive
    overdrive
    Participant
    September 18, 2018 at 4:14 pm #184620

    Thank you Tyler for taking the time to reply

    2nd i’m sorry to hear that colitis is Very difficult.

    My apologies I most not been clear enough

    Yes, she seen me on numerous occasions

    She was going away to school about four hours away And she lived with her parents which were about 20 minutes away from my house

    So during the summer and at least once to twice a month I would spend time with her in person

    To be honest I doubt any extra amount of time would make her have any more sense of empathy or understanding after eight months and the specially ‘

    after explaining to her

    The funny thing is during ‘the break” I gave her 3 to 4 chances to see me and spend time with me even if it was in a friendly manner

    And each time she would cancel last minute saying that was because of her feelings.

    To be honest if she was to get a second chance it’s not gonna be for several years later because of the pain that I was put through and the time and I wasted

    tyler
    tyler
    Participant
    September 18, 2018 at 6:05 pm #184639

    Ah I see…I know it sucks but I’d say you should move on from her. You can still be on good terms but like you said I wouldn’t put anymore time into her. Instead focus on yourself for awhile. Try different diets and work close with your doctor or find a better one if you don’t likt this one. After taking care of yourself and recuperate from this relationship make some accounts on online dating sites. There are so many of them and it’s amaz how many people I know who started their relationships from online dates. I wish I could say more but that’s all I can think of. Take care and look after yourself 🙂

    SuHyunJing
    SuHyunJing
    Participant
    September 20, 2018 at 2:33 am #184788

    I would tell her exactly how you feel about those comments she made. If you don’t, the situation will only fester and you will eventually blow up of her.

    I too have medical problems that have made dating extremely difficult. A recent boyfriend distanced himself from me because he said my medical problems were too draining for him. That’s just how it goes sometimes.

    You would want to find someone supportive anyway.

    dashingscorpio
    dashingscorpio
    Participant
    September 20, 2018 at 12:17 pm #184861

    (she wanted a “break”)
    “Everything was fine before the break” – Not!
    People don’t ask for “breaks” when things are going well!

    Odds are she wanted to explore some other options.
    By the way “break” is short for “breakup”. It means you’re no longer a couple.
    Theoretically you can’t call it cheating if someone has sex with someone else while on a “break”.

    “ I thought at age 27 you would be living on your own “
    “ I wish you had a Career more in your field “
    These statements are an indication of her wondering if she is “settling” when it comes to being with you.
    A break gives her an opportunity to find out if she can “do better”.
    In the meantime she wants to keep you (on hold) while she finds out.

    When someone dumps you and wants to remain friends it’s because they don’t want to feel like the “bad guy”.
    The best friendships between exes usually takes place after a large gap in time where both people have found a new love.
    I would go with the {no contact rule} for 6 months.