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roxychicParticipantFebruary 25, 2019 at 11:11 am #195505
Hello! So I was with my boyfriend for almost 7 years and we have decided to go our seperate ways. It’s something we both know is the best for us and there is no bad blood, we just realized our futures are going in different directions. Now since we have been together so long he has become very close with my group of friends. We always hang out together, you know as couples do. Now dealing with this breakup I’m in fear that I will have to lose my friends along with it. Like do I avoid going to social gatherings knowing he may show up or be there? I need to be able to move on and seeing him all the time won’t help that. I know my friends care for both of us so I don’t want to put them in a bad position but I don’t want to not see my friends in fear of running into him. I’m sure this is a common issue but these group of friends I have are like my lifeline. We hangout every weekend and see each other all the time. I don’t want to lose them too. Any advice would be helpful. Thanks!
dashingscorpioParticipantFebruary 26, 2019 at 2:00 am #195556
“..we have decided to go our seperate ways.”
Rarely if ever do both people want to end a relationship at the same time.
Generally speaking (one person) initiates the breakup conversation and the other accepts their decision.
Usually what happens after a long-term relationship or marriage both people hang out with their pre-relationship friends.
This may be a challenge for young adults or teenagers because they most likely ran in the same circle at (school).
Adults who have lived sperate lives for years before meeting each other usually have their own loyal camp of friends.
These are usually same sex “best friends” who have been through ups and downs together and keep each other’s secrets.
Odds are your “best friends” will choose hanging out with you over spending time with your (ex).
Instead of letting a place dictate when or where you see your friends take the initiative to invite your friends to spend time with you. Friends going out to eat, shop, a movie, or a BBQ at home is normal.
dashingscorpioParticipantFebruary 26, 2019 at 2:24 am #195558
If you only see these “friends” when you go to a particular place to “hang out” they’re probably not (real) friends.
Real best friends spend the majority of their time doing one on one activities, couples events, or at each other’s home.
Essentially they (make plans) to be together as opposed to coincidentally seeing each other at neutral “hang out” spot.
Observing the “no contact rule” with an ex is very wise.
It’s unrealistic to expect to go from being red hot lovers to instant platonic friends resembling siblings.
The person who didn’t want to end the relationship secretly hopes by being friends there is a chance to reconcile.
The best friendships between exes usually occurs after a large gap in time where both people have found a new love.
Avoid going places your ex frequents, block email/phone numbers, unfriend in social media, box up mementos and put them away.
Every ending is a new beginning. Make new friends if need be and focus on interests/hobbies and goals.
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