Decisions as long-term romantic partners.

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Decisions as long-term romantic partners.

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  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
    DatingAdvice.com
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    carnationrose
    carnationrose
    Participant
    April 9, 2019 at 3:04 am #198376
    Decisions as long-term romantic partners.

    Me(28) and my partner(33) have been together for 3 years in 3 weeks. We have great time together. And I am truly who I want and need to be with him. From the start, he never played games and made his choice to spend all his time with me. I do take a step back occasionally to assess if i was being clingy/overbearing. I communicated his need for space and would even work out a strict plan so he and even myself will have to learn to balance out our time together. I want him to have his space. I really do. And i know as a man he needs it. For what it’s worth, he helped me through my tougher past two years. As an emotional support. And as for me, i supported his intentions no matter how financially risky/ immature it was. He made plans after plans of travelling together even when I was incapable of financially supporting myself for this decision. He put all his efforts and earnings to this endeavors. Trip no.1, was my idea and I paid for myself and he paid for his own. (continued in reply)

    carnationrose
    carnationrose
    Participant
    April 9, 2019 at 3:13 am #198377

    Trip 2, was his idea but it was extensive and way ambitious. I had no resources to fund myself. But he insisted I came with him to catch his favorite band half way across the world. A week before the show, they cancelled. And he was devastated. He refused to go on the trip somehow. Despite paying for flights and accommodation. I stood by and respected his decision. Trip 3, was his idea too. Which I assisted in helping him salvage his flights and refunded accommodation for Trip 2 as he was too devastated that his efforts were a failure (in his perception) despite countless of time I told him it is not his fault. The day Trip 3 came along, he had to make a decision to call it all off because of a misinformation that he failed to clarify about our flight bookings. I was not trying to be right. But I have reminded him to make an inquiry months before the flight to ensure a smooth journey. He insisted he was sure about everything. When it all crumbles, he fell apart. (continued)

    carnationrose
    carnationrose
    Participant
    April 9, 2019 at 8:19 am #198378

    As a result he lost motivation and became really down. He was aware of the debts and impulse decisions he made. Somehow to manage a getaway he booked a short trip (Trip 4) somehow with whatever he has left. Trip 4, we just went to destination for Trip 1 and he laid in bed all day. I just want to say, by trip 4 as much as I care so much about him. I was worried that this will always be the case with him.

    Then, he came up with Trip 5. A trip to fulfill what he missed in Trip 3 ( to meet rap artist). He wondered if he deserved it since he incurred way too much of expenses at this point. Somehow, I supported as i believed in him enough that this is it and he will be salvage his broken esteem and come back stronger. It all happened for him. He insisted i stood by his side. This was 2 and half years in. And all i managed to fulfill myself with is Trip 1. Which I really did contribute for the most part of it and took my time to even plan the next. (continued)

    carnationrose
    carnationrose
    Participant
    April 9, 2019 at 8:19 am #198379

    He came up with Trip 4 with what he has left to get away for a bit. He slept in throughout the trip. Down a few months barely paying off his debt. He decided Trip 5. A trip to salvage his dream of meeting this rap star in Trip 3. He insisted for me to accompany him. I did even when it was not my interest.
    He promised me that his focus after Trip 5 is to clear off his finances and focus on making more adult/mature decisions. He thanked me for being his rock through all this and being a part of his dreams come through. I followed up with him on his efforts to clear off his debts on the next few months I did not probe much as I respect that he will be responsible. 6 months down he barely cleared a quarter of his debt. But he came with another plan. This time. Something to fulfill himself so he could make next steps in life. He told me that life has been getting to him. He no longer is the same person he was. So he needed this.

    dashingscorpio
    dashingscorpio
    Participant
    April 9, 2019 at 9:02 pm #198406

    Sounds like he’s both immature and financially unstable.
    Your codependent behavior is of no help at all.
    You would perhaps be better off moving on rather than attempting to save him from (himself).

    At age 33 he’s closing in on being a 40 year old man.
    A canceled concert shouldn’t seem like the end of the world!

    You said: “I am truly who I want and need to be with him..”
    Are YOU happy? Is this (the man) you want to spend the rest of your life with?
    Or have you simply grown comfortable?

    If you want something different YOU have to do something different.

    After investing (3 years) into a relationship you should know if you see this as being long-term.
    The fact you have posted this question is an indication that you are NOT “happy”.

    One old adage goes: “If you find yourself in a hole the first thing you want to do is stop digging!”
    You don’t have to continue to ride this train into a wall.
    No one is “stuck” with anyone. Suffering is optional.

    whitesnow
    whitesnow
    Participant
    April 11, 2019 at 4:22 am #198492

    It seems like all your life is spinning around him. You know all his dreams and plans. The question is, does he know something about you dreams? And in general, do your desires and plans for the future coincide, or you just helping him to fulfill his dream?
    We create relationships for development together in pair. First, decide for yourself what you want and whether it match with his plans. Or you just always be support for his dreams.

    saraunique4
    saraunique4
    Participant
    April 11, 2019 at 6:58 pm #198579

    You have spent 3 years dating this guy. To me he is childish, if you do not have money enough to go on a trip why would you put yourself in debt to go on that trip when you should be thinking of something better to do with your money. My advice to you is try to advice him tell him to grow up, and if he is not ready you need to move on

    shafiq2
    shafiq2
    Participant
    April 12, 2019 at 11:37 am #198593

    just leave him and get another one, simple

    lousmarts
    lousmarts
    Participant
    April 12, 2019 at 11:44 am #198596

    Gads. is this guy stringing you on or what? It makes me dizzy just thinking about what you put up with, darling.