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lucashood2018ParticipantOctober 11, 2018 at 6:39 am #186739
I’ve been texting back and forth this girl that works in the same company as I do but in completely different departments for the past few weeks . I am currently on vacation leave for 2 weeks and texted her asking if she cared to meet up for a coffee some day during the time I was off she said would definitely be on for it and just to let her know when suited. A few days later one Sunday night I had to go into work for a few minutes to print some stuff off . The girl in question happened to be there that night as she sometimes goes in to work at the weekends to study for a masters degree shes currently doing. I asked her to come for a coffee in the canteen and she did and this is where I think I fucked things up Its not so much anything I said but as I sat across from her I think I failed a test. She basically eyeballed the fuck out of me and I just couldn’t hold my nerve and not look away submissively. The problem is I am quite insecure I used to be very overweight and with very little dating experience so I’m only starting to work on myself now. The other issue is that I really like this girl and if it had been a girl I had just met I wouldn’t have had been so submissive or shy. Can anyone offer some advice on how to possibly retrieve the situation.Its now Thursday and theres been no correspondence from either of us since Sunday night. Im not really sure if the out of work coffee date is going to happen now and I don’t want to be the one to contact her first, any advice
dashingscorpioParticipantOctober 11, 2018 at 12:17 pm #186824
Building one’s confidence does not come overnight.
If you don’t already have topics of discussion to talk about all of your “first dates” will be awkward.
No one you meet is going to know about your history of being overweight or lacking dating experience.
That’s all in YOUR head. (Negative “self-talk” will always hold you back.)
You have to be the one to contact her because the whole meeting for coffee was YOUR idea!
If she backs out you saved yourself some money and time.
In a world with over 7 Billion people rejection just means: NEXT!
As one old adage goes: “Sometimes you have to fake it until you make it.”
No one’s asking you to decide on whether to cut the red wire or the blue wire. Relax! It’s just a date.
You need to learn to use your sense of humor and utilize flirtatious banter when meeting new women and during first dates.
If you can get a woman to smile/laugh that will thaw the ice.
Keep it light ask: What her favorite (blank) is.. different subjects.
Remmy_12ParticipantOctober 15, 2018 at 3:23 pm #187054
I agree ^^^ all in your head, if something as simple as that one her running then she wasn’t the one anyway, there are better fish in the sea : )
richiroParticipantOctober 17, 2018 at 4:09 pm #187308
leave some time/space, then ask her out again. i recommend to “nervous shy” people to find a fun acivity you can do (mini golf or something to that nature is my go-to for this.. sports is my other goto if we’re both athletes). That way there is a naturally fun activity that lends itself to some topics of conversation if you want.
I don’t think things are lost yet, but you obviously didn’t put on a 100% show.
So.. as others have said – this is LESS about you needing to learn “techniques’ and MORE about you learning how to be social, comfy, be able to talk, and just enjoy the moment without making it life or death (beacuse it is NOT life or death). You are there to enjoy the time, and the company with somebody – not convince them to marry you for the next 40-50 yrs!
So take it easy and make dates somethign yo are naturally comfrotable with and can talk about (meaning the date activity) and go from there.
oldkingcoleParticipantOctober 18, 2018 at 12:53 pm #187416
yeah, man leave some space between you two, and when you return show her that you aren’t always shy.
Alexa199013ParticipantOctober 19, 2018 at 5:12 am #187491
I think working on yourself is a great thing and will build your confidence regardless of any relationship you may be in 🙂 I don’t think you have blown your chance at all!! If you want to show her how confident you are nothing says that more than being the one to contact her again. She may also be quite shy and think that perhaps you are not interested in her right now. So send her a quick friendly text nothing too full on and see what she says. Most girls like to be chased a bit 🙂 If she doesn’t respond or gives you the impression she is not really interested then at least you know for sure and you can say you tired. It may sting a bit at first but it’s a good step forward in building your confidence to put yourself out there and realise it is not the end of the world if it doesn’t work out. Good luck
Heidi GoodrichParticipantOctober 19, 2018 at 5:12 pm #187575
I get it. Women can be intimidating for sure!!! It’s okay! First off, women can be pretty forgiving about stuff like that. She doesn’t know you and that is to your advantage. Your next interaction, you can come across as very confident and she will respond to that and forget about the first time. A confident guy flirts, asks her out again and also knows that despite his “mess ups” he is worth knowing. He even admits to his insecurities! I have had guys tell me straight up “I am so nervous right now. I have a hard time looking at you.” I have incredible respect for that! A woman worth her salt will want to help you. It’s a wonderful way to flatter her as well as activate her very natural nurturing side. If she doesn’t respond that way, I promise, she will not be a good match for you anyways!! Next time you see her, take her single flower and attach a note to it. “I had a great time and would love to do it again. I promise to keep better eye contact this time. lol Friday night?”
missjewelzParticipantOctober 20, 2018 at 3:55 pm #187607
I would try on building some more confidence, then you can try sending her another text to see if she wants to grab some lunch, and see how it goes from there.
ps69ukParticipantNovember 1, 2018 at 4:55 pm #188501
Check out Corey Wayne on Youtube…. Go and talk to people. lots of people, in any situation. Work on the confidence piece. Something I struggled with for years but can now talk to anybody about anything. You will then realise that women are just people, nothing to be feared…
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