Did I see the signs that were not there?


Did I see the signs that were not there?

  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
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    August 18, 2018 at 4:55 pm #181894
    Did I see the signs that were not there?

    Was I wrong to assume that my friend might be a lesbian? I am in the closet and with time fell in love with my straight friend. We both have a history of trauma (she thinks something happened to her as a kid but not sure what) which makes this even more complicated. She has not been in a relationship for the last 4 years. She told me she does not like to be touched by men. She does not enjoy having sex with man – in fact she compared feeling as being raped by her former boyfriend. She mentioned she does not find men attractive and that she wondered if she was a lesbian. I never tried to cross any boundaries and was very respectful of our friendship. She was always jealous when I would talk to our other friends. She was always afraid she would lose me. She would let me put my hand on her and she would initiate hugs (interesting for someone who does not like to touched). She would put me on a pedistal in front of her other friends. She just started dating a man. WTF?

    August 19, 2018 at 8:13 pm #181900

    There are a couple of possibilities. You mentioned (you) are in the closet.
    Does this mean you have never told her you are a lesbian?

    It’s possible she was feeding you information to get you to reveal to her that you are a lesbian.
    Another possibility is she was having a “curious period” and was hoping you might make a move on her.
    Remember Anne Heche dated Ellen and later married a man.

    Both genders are guilty of complaining about the other to their same sex friends.
    Afterwards they go after the complete opposite of what (they) say they want.

    Ever hear of a woman saying she wants to get involved with an a-hole, abuser, narcissistic self-centered jerk, cheater, or loser?
    Probably not! And yet these guys are seldom without girlfriends!

    Last but not least it’s hard to let go of the “fairytale” that’s been ingrained.
    She might truly believe (this guy) is going to be different or she sees him as being the “exception”.
    Clearly she has not reach the point where she’s “given up” on men.

    November 24, 2018 at 7:52 pm #189754

    Sounds to me like she is a straight girl who has a history of trauma, and wont explore her sexuallity further cause maybe she is not so confused about it yet. Have you thought about telling her you might be gay and see how she reacts to that?