Do I expect too much


Do I expect too much

  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
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    March 25, 2015 at 7:57 pm #76042
    Do I expect too much

    I encouraged my fiance to live with me seven months after we started dating so he could go back to school, before he proposed. Since he proposed, we don’t go on dates unless I initiate them. Our time together is mostly watching netflix on the couch. I’ve told him I want to go out more, and he’ll go but I pay. He thinks this is enough. I mean he puts a lot of time into school, but I feel like he doesn’t try with me. He doesn’t invite me to go out with him and his friends because he doesn’t think I’m social enough, or that I’m too judgmental-which hurts more than the rest of it. Maybe he’s right, but I feel like he has no right to tell me that basically my personality sucks. I mean he still proposed to me, and because of that I feel like he only did it so he would have a place to live and still be able to go back to school. I feel like he likes the idea of being with me, of being engaged, but doesn’t actually like me. Am I freaking out over nothing, or is this a legitimate thing?

    • This topic was modified 3 years, 3 months ago by  delores.

    March 27, 2015 at 1:13 pm #76225

    first, all your feelings make total sense, so don’t blame yourself for feeling any of them. second, love goes through cycles (new book out called “love cycles”) and after the explosive passionate everything-about-you-is-interesting phase comes the, oh gee you are a normal human being with flaws and the sparks are not distracting me anymore.

    3rd, as a life long strategy, all psychological health professionals will tell you that you have to cultivate your own life independent of partners — not leave them, but live a life that does not rely exclusively on their company. cultivating hobbies or friendships and activities that really please you that you do without him — this is what they tell me leads to long term stability for you — regardless of staying with this partner or not. 4th — try a couples counselor — at any stage of life this is how we progress (i did). you don’t have to have “problems” to go — it helps clarify what individuals need to do as well as couples…