Do I pursue her? Or let her go?


Do I pursue her? Or let her go?

  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
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    December 16, 2014 at 3:13 am #69254
    Do I pursue her? Or let her go?

    Dating a christian girl we are both 23 and she has never dated before. During the 6 months we have dated she has written things in her letters to me like ” I am so happy with you” and “I know I am terrible at this dating thing but thank you for still pursuing me it means so much to me” and several things about how I am biblicaly a great guy. We go to church together, and her friends think i’m a great guy. 2 days ago her friends said that I needed to ask her to actually be my girlfriend because she was ready! So I did, everything was great up to the very moment I asked her. She asked what it would change.I said it means we are taking another step. I said “I don’t want you to do this if you don’t want to, I want you to want to.” Then her tone just changed and she just said she has no idea what shes doing or how she feels and basically said she didn’t want to lead me on. I just said ok and went home. Everything happened so fast and things seemed to have been getting really good.I haven’t texted her in 2 days her friends where shocked that she responded like that. So I am not sure if I need to make sure things are tryuly over or if she needs time. I want to treat this respectfully but not sure because of her experience if shes just scared or if she really just dosnt want anything to do with me.

    December 17, 2014 at 5:42 am #69329

    That’s a really tough call. I don’t think you should send any text to her, when you see her again talk to her, and maybe see what’s up. Hopefully it’ll all work out.

    December 19, 2014 at 9:26 am #69461

    I can relate with her being new and awkward with dating. I think it’s best to make sure that she has her space, but to also let her know that you still care about what’s going on with her. I’d say give it another day or two and at that point shoot her a text/call asking how she’s been feeling. Let her know that no matter what she chooses that you’re still going to feel very strongly towards her. When people who haven’t dated much hear things like “taking it to the next level”, I believe that can be a tough moment for them. They don’t want to ruin a good thing, but their emotions can get somewhat crazy at times too. Just give her some time, and then slowly let her know that you’ll be there and that you really like how things have been going between you two.

    December 19, 2014 at 3:30 pm #69491

    This is a girl for you brother man.

    I can tell by: “I am so happy with you” and “I know I am terrible at this dating thing but thank you for still pursuing me it means so much to me”

    She is trusting you to lead the interaction.

    Since she is new to dating, there is a lot that she has not experienced yet and so it can be easy for her to get overwhelmed if she FEELS that things are moving a little fast.

    One of the big reasons why she decided to “not be your girlfriend” is because the conversation was getting a bit too logical. We are not signing a contract here. She has to FEEL that she wants to be with you.

    I suggest letting her bring up the topic of whether she wants to be your girlfriend or not.
    You do this with your actions. As you may know already: actions speak louder then words.

    Continue to hang out and do things together. Make the relationship naturally lead her to asking. So what are we?