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AnonymousNovember 26, 2012 at 12:32 pm #17206
What’s the common denominator? Do you pick girls that are jealous and controlling? Do you pick girls that are more manipulative than honest with you? Or how about those girls who are terrible at communication and always say they are “fine” when you know that is not true….
YouGuessedItParticipantNovember 27, 2012 at 6:05 pm #17414
I often think that once a cheater, always a cheater. And some people have a habit of making self-destructive choices
AnonymousNovember 27, 2012 at 8:00 pm #17418
I will disagree on the part where once a cheater, always a cheater…I have come across people who want to be more than that and take the high road to correct the behaviors that ruin their happiness. Although, there definitely is some validity in that statement. And YES!! Many people definitely participate in self destructive behaviors, sometimes on a daily basis! I think that being human, there is a need for some level of chaos. The goal is to be satiated with little amounts of chaos instead of needing to massively ruin anything that is good.
ChrisParticipantNovember 27, 2012 at 8:54 pm #17421
I always have relationships that last years and in the end they always cheat no matter how well I treat them. I am so use to it that I believe I am now emotionless over it.
AnonymousNovember 27, 2012 at 10:39 pm #17422
I am sad to hear that 🙁 Why someone cheats is much more layered and dynamic than how you treat them. There are always many factors involved…bottom line is though, the person that cheats has little to no impulse control….why that is, could be many different reasons that have nothing to do with you or how you treat them.
Don’t become emotionless to it…that just keeps you in the same pattern of picking the same kind of woman. You are the common denominator with all your experiences, so you have to look at yourself and why you keep picking these experiences. Like attracts like….right?
If you want a different experience then figure out what it takes to attract someone who has integrity, more impulse control and a higher communicator who will talk with you through any challenges instead of going behind your back.
You deserve to know what it feels like to have that kind of girl who will fight for you and the relationship don’t you? do you even believe that’s possible?
Hund777ParticipantMay 21, 2015 at 1:33 am #79450
Hi i dont know if you’ll read this but if you do please reply , I need help on a girl I really like , I think its the first time I fall in love despite having other gfs in the past , anyways I saw and answer you gave on a topic of a girl suddenly ignoring a guy and I really liked your answer but I need further help please
JonathanGParticipantMay 21, 2015 at 1:21 pm #79489
Very interesting and important topic!
As i see it, there are several different causes for cheating and it vary between men and woman. There is no justification for any one of these causes.
Most people choose to live their love life with one partner for a reason, Whether psychological cultural or social reasons.
If one is not secure enough with himself he might settle for a partner which is jealous, controlling, and not trustworthy. However when you are all together with yourself i believe you know from where to run and what kind of partner you are really looking for. You will not settle for less. And once problems occur, you try to solve them, communicate. If it still doesn’t work you just move on and not choosing the easy way of lying and cheating.
Witty name hereParticipantMay 30, 2015 at 5:32 pm #79913
Personally I try to get to know a girl before I ask her out, because Ive been around a cheating relationship and it is the worst, but then again I always wait far too long and blow it…….
quietcougarParticipantAugust 17, 2016 at 8:18 pm #108657
Heidi, I have no idea if you’re still here or not, but I thought I’d take a shot since you’re the closest I’ve found to someone who understands. I’ve been involved with a girl for over a year now. We met once, we’re due to meet again next week. She lives about 500 miles away; I promised her I’d visit once a month. There’s a few obstacles. We’re 20 years apart in age, but we get along really well. She found me. But she’s had a rocky past with guys and has major trust issues. I can deal with that. I can deal with all of her idiosyncrasies, to be honest. Recently, her pet died, and she went offline. She just came back online this morning and hasn’t talked to me yet. I didn’t try to talk to her. I probably seem like a sissy bit** but I don’t want to offend her. I really care for her more than life itself. We haven’t talked in 5 days, but she’s not talking to other people, either. I really want to wait for her. What do you think? I usually do most of the conversation.
PocketAAParticipantAugust 18, 2016 at 7:55 pm #108802
I hate when that happens, I tend to do that too. Now I’m in forums looking for guidance
AnonymousAugust 18, 2016 at 8:28 pm #108804
Hi quietcougar….it sounds like you are in quite the predicament. There are a few red flags that show up for me with the information you provided. First, you are saying you care for her more than life iteself. Reality is: you have met her once. I don’t care how long you have been communicating, you never know who someone really is until you see them in the day to day occurences of life. For you to care so deeply about someone you have only communicated with through technology, tells me you are more in relationship with a fantasy of her instead of reality. Second red flag: she disappears when something gets hard. A person will show you exactly who they are when they are in their worst moments. She is showing you that she runs away when life gets hard. She is not running TOWARDS you (a guy she has been talking to for a year and cares about her more than life itself), she is running AWAY from you. She is not asking you for help, she is not sharing her feelings, she is not letting
AnonymousAugust 18, 2016 at 8:32 pm #108805
you JOIN her on her journey. This is typical behavior of people who have been burned in the past with other relationships. Actually, I don’t know many people who have not been burned at some point. The difference between people is how they choose to move forward. Do they harbor their hurt feelings and bury them and then when a new person comes along, do they project all their issues onto the new person?? This is what she is doing to you. So my first thoughts lead me to this: she doesn’t trust or feel safe with men, so the best way to still be in relationship with one, is to have a “close” relationship through technology. That way, she can hide anytime she wants. She can cut out pretty easily without being found. But you are choosing to participate in this design as well. What are you doing getting really involved with someone through a computer or phone? Where are there plans to be together, to meet up more than once a month, to grow into a deeper phase?
AnonymousAugust 18, 2016 at 8:36 pm #108806
Third red flag: you are worried that you might offend her if you offer your support? Huh? really? you have been communicating with this woman for a year now. BE WHO YOU ARE! If you want to offer support, then do it…in your way. How else are you going to know that she matches you well unless you be you and she accepts it and wants more of it??? If you hide behind trying to always be “appropriate” or what you think she needs, you miss putting yourself, your personality, your feelings into the equation. You are being the person you think she needs instead of just being yourself and seeing if she does well with that…or not. So…my advice is to say what you want to say. If you get a bad reaction from her, so what! If she is not willing to work through something like this with you, then I would say, you have your answer. A couple is only as good as how well they can get through challenges TOGETHER!!! So put yourself out there, be yourself and find out what you guys are made of!!!
AnonymousAugust 18, 2016 at 8:41 pm #108807
Hi pocketAA….well done on seeking some type of guidance. How else are you going to the part that sucks about relationships unless you become more educated and aware about what really is going on! If you have a specific questions, I would love to help!
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