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What are you waiting for? One mouse click could be all that stands between you and your next romance!August 30, 2014 at 1:34 am #60420
About two years ago, I went on my first ever date with a person I worked with. We got along great with each other and I really feel hard for her. Things for whatever reason, however, cooled off. She ended up moving on from me and dated another guy (but I digress). There was another girl, however, that had been interested in me when I first started dating my co-worker. She was very open with me and we shared a great connection, especially after me and my co-worker stopped going out. The problem was that I didn’t have the same feelings that she had. The biggest problem? I wasn’t attracted to her at all. I had to let her down nicely after a while because I knew that I wanted more. I felt like a douche afterwards and I felt like I was being shallow. So my question is…was I shallow for not dating her because I didn’t find her attractive? Any and all advice is great (this has hung around with me for the last two years now).
duhzirezParticipantAugust 30, 2014 at 3:47 pm #60438
Physical attraction is the core of the dating world. As shallow or harsh as that may seem, if you don’t have a physical attraction to a woman then the relationship is doomed from the start. Sure you can connect on a deep mental and emotional level, and we all want that right? Without the attraction though, that’s all you have is an emotional connection, and that’s just a really good friendship.September 1, 2014 at 12:39 am #60460
That’s honestly what I have thought. It was just such a horrible situation because as hard as I would try, I couldn’t bring myself to feel differently towards her. I couldn’t see her as more than a friend, and I feel that if I’m going to enter a relationship with someone that it needs to be a full commitment on my end.
WishingWellParticipantSeptember 1, 2014 at 1:59 am #60466
I think you should stay with what touches your heart more than your eyes. You know? I guess attraction is important but when you meet someone that is a good person, has good intentions, and is LOYAL, that matters more than anything! What is a pretty face, nice body going to do for you when you are in your 60s. Ya know?
AndrizzleParticipantSeptember 1, 2014 at 12:18 pm #60469
I think it’s important. Physical attraction is the first step in developing feelings for someone, then comes emotional attraction.
estelleParticipantSeptember 1, 2014 at 2:08 pm #60475
Well, as a 23-year-old woman who has had all kinds of insecurity issues about my physical appearance since I was a teenager, I can’t help but feel hurt for the girl you weren’t attracted to. In my experience, people’s personalities really affect the way they look. I would rather date a man I had an emotional connection with than an attractive man with a bad personality any day.
On the other hand, that’s me, not you, and I think the way I experience attraction is atypical (I have rarely ever felt attracted to someone I didn’t know well). It sounds like you really *wanted* to be attracted to this girl, but just couldn’t force yourself to do it. The fact that you took the time to post something about it on this forum shows that. So, is it shallow? I guess in one way it is, but it’s probably more so just out of your control. If you really feel like you bond with her, though, I think you should continue to be friends with her. You may find that the way you view her appearance changes..
estelleParticipantSeptember 1, 2014 at 2:10 pm #60476
I’m sorry, I just realized that I replied to something under “Men’s Topics” and I’m not a man. I hope that’s allowed. Lol.
AnonymousInactiveSeptember 3, 2014 at 12:58 am #60570
I would think so as well for many of the stated reasons other posters have mentioned.
MissSunshineParticipantSeptember 4, 2014 at 4:58 pm #60706
Hi. physical attraction is important…no doubt..But: It becomes a different situation, if you do not give the woman even a chance because of the fact that you do not find her physically attractive. She deserves at least a chance!
Have you ever experienced a person, that you maybe did not find attractive right away, become more and more attractive the more you get to know that person?
and besides…you can change your outer appeareance. It just takes some makeup, a different haircut and different clothes…and you have a different looking person. But how the person is inside is something people do not change that easily.
I think it is very sad that you did not even give her a chance because of how she looks. Imagine she is the sweetest,amazing, most loving, faithful and caring person ever, that respects you and believes in you? .and you missed that opportunity!
I would like to encourage you ask yourself: What do you base a womans beauty on? media?+ How achievable is it?September 5, 2014 at 12:53 am #60735
First off, I love getting a woman’s viewpoint on things, so thank you Estelle! Secondly, I really want to state that I did try so damn hard to look at her as more than just a friend. In many ways, we used each other to get what we wanted. When my one and only “relationship” ended, I was really an emotional wreck. While she had expressed before that she liked me, she knew that I was hurting and made sure to be there. Did she genuinely care about how I felt? Yes, but she also played with my own emotions to give her a better chance to be with me. She even at times went as far as to talk about all the things we could do together on a sexual level, which made the situation even more challenging.September 5, 2014 at 12:55 am #60736
I know to this day that she was and is an amazing person, I just felt like the attraction part was missing from that possible relationship. I thought that it wouldn’t be fair for her or me to be in a relationship that I couldn’t fully commit to.
AnonymousInactiveSeptember 5, 2014 at 5:26 am #60745
think you should stay with what touches your heart more than your eyes. You know? I guess attraction is important but when you meet someone that is a good person, has good intentions, and is LOYAL, that matters more than anything! What is a pretty face, nice body going to do for you when you are in your 60s.
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