Does financial disparity between me and my bf spell doom for a good relationship

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Does financial disparity between me and my bf spell doom for a good relationship

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  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
    DatingAdvice.com
    September 9, 2019 at 2:21 pm FORUM ANNOUNCEMENT

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    almosthopeless
    almosthopeless
    Participant
    May 22, 2019 at 12:34 pm #200905
    Does financial disparity between me and my bf spell doom for a good relationship

    I’ve concluded if finances is a roadblock-it really depends on many things such as your ages (younger can catch up later vs retirement age), your expectations, how strongly you care for your mate, if the mate who has less tries to do better at managing the limited funds he has, etc. I’ve been in a predicament about this as long as I’ve been in the relationship with my bf of 6 years. I go back and forth on this issue. We love each other but I say to myself “if he saves $ in at least a certain amount” then I can move forward with him (he moves in with me) or if I see he saved at least x dollars this month then I’ll feel comfortable having him move in. But as much as I love him I can’t seem to reach that comfort level, so we live separately but it’s getting old bc our relationship isn’t growing. My therapist and daughter don’t trust him with me in terms of $ based his history of poor financial judgments but he’s greatly improved.

    dashingscorpio
    dashingscorpio
    Participant
    May 25, 2019 at 3:44 pm #201060

    “I’ve been in the relationship with my bf of 6 years..”
    “We love each other but I say to myself “if he saves $ in at least a certain amount” then I can move forward with him..”

    If you or your partner has to change their (core being) to make a relationship work you’re wrong for each other.
    Very few people are walking around with one hand raised in the air screaming: “I’m looking for someone to change me!”
    Most people want to be loved and appreciated for who they are. Life is too short to be trying to change water into wine.
    The goal is to find someone who (already is) what you want in a mate.

    There are only two ways to experience joy and peace of mind in relationships.
    We either get what we want or we learn to be happy with what we have.
    Accept them (as is) or move on. The choice is up to us!

    Oprah, Sandra Bullock, Madonna and other super rich women manage to date men with less money.
    Successful women have the option of dating for love and not financial security.
    You can live with someone and have separate finances. Men have married women who had no jobs!

    somedudeouthere23
    somedudeouthere23
    Participant
    May 26, 2019 at 11:10 am #201079

    Not always.

    BlueFrogPosse
    BlueFrogPosse
    Participant
    May 26, 2019 at 1:33 pm #201081

    It only spells doom for the relationship if you make it (and by you, I mean either of you.) My girlfriend makes significantly more money than I do and has significantly less expenses each month. She also has a more expensive taste in clothes, dining, travel, etc. We’ve been together ten months now and it hasn’t been a problem. We take turns paying for dinner, and share vacations, and when she wants me to have some nicer clothes, she buys them for me. I don’t feel like any less of a man for it, and I don’t think she feels like I’m mooching. She says she likes that I go out with her, even when she pays. It’s all up to the two of you.