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nautilus10ParticipantAugust 2, 2017 at 4:06 pm #144091
I’m casually dating a man and we have this dark/nerdy sense of humor where we can be completely ourselves around each other, but we are both newly divorced (<1 yr) and I think neither one of us is ready for emotional intimacy. We’re both freaked out that we would find someone that balances each other so well so early on after divorce (I was his first date). He ghosted me for 3 weeks (to date others?) & returned 2 weeks ago with “I love your mind and heart and I miss you.” I said I could only be friends because I didn’t want to casually date someone who I have an incredible connection with. He said he knows he’s not ready to fully commit to me, but he can’t stand to let me go and that he wanted to take it slow and natural. So do I follow everyone’s advice and RUN!!!! or do I listen to my gut where I know I can’t handle something serious anyway and that I haven’t found a connection like his EVER so it’s worth taking it slow, natural, and seeing where this may end up in a few months?
highschoolloveParticipantAugust 3, 2017 at 11:57 pm #144268
I think it would be in both of your best interests if you slowly let this one die. Nothing can really come out of this but a bruised ego and feelings if that makes any sense. I hope you the best though! Love WILL find you!!!
richiroParticipantAugust 4, 2017 at 11:52 am #144298
if the connection is there – you’re going to kick yourself someday if you dont’ figure out what it is. So i wouldn’t run.
BUT.. i would take it very very slow. It’s very possible this “connection” is “rebound” and not an actual connection. (rebound being – we’re filling the immense void left behind to the pont “anybody will do” and often the first convenient and willing person is “anything”).
SO. go slow. spend more time. it takes time to truly find out if ther is a connection or not for a long-term relationship.. so let time be your ally.
A big clue it is rebound is if you find that the only way you can stick together is to accelerate the relationship.. that means you’re void filling. If on the other hand you could be together just fine without needing to accelerate and have all the “full blwon relationships things” for it to remain worht your while – then that’s a true connection.
Good luck and sorry to hear about the recent divorce.
nautilus10ParticipantAugust 4, 2017 at 6:33 pm #144358
Thanks, richiro! There is definitely no need to accelerate on this one. We are at a VERY slow pace right now just talking. And it’s the best talking I’ve ever had with a man, so I think you’re right…I probably will kick myself if I don’t wait it out. I’ll date others, but can’t seem to let this one get away…
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