Fallen for my (bi) female flatmate…advice needed!


Fallen for my (bi) female flatmate…advice needed!

  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
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    November 5, 2015 at 3:59 pm #87973
    Fallen for my (bi) female flatmate…advice needed!

    I’m close friends with 2 of my female flatmates, we spend a lot of time together and cook & go places together. However, recently I’ve developed feelings for one of them. Trouble is, she’s lesbian (or so I thought) and so is her friend, and they’re together. We get on really well though and sometimes she confides in me and tells me things she doesn’t even tell her friend.

    There’s another guy in my flat who’s been harassing her a little bit & touching her inappropriately & pushing boundaries as she’s lesbian, and I confronted him about this, which she was very grateful for. She then told me she was actually bisexual not lesbian, something only her friend knows, and she’s recently been looking at men more. I’ve told her before I find her attractive (just in passing conversation). I’ve never been very good with girls; I’ve never been in a relationship & I’m usually quite shy & gentlemanly – not the most masculine guy, and she said she likes this because it makes me “different”. Am I just reading too much into this?

    November 7, 2015 at 12:49 am #88079

    I think there’s a definite interest there. But out of risk of jeopardising your friendship with both of them I wouldn’t do anything about it. I would let her do the initiating as she’s the one in the relationship and she’s bi of course. continue as friends for now and if it doesn’t go anywhere I’d date other girls and move past it

    November 7, 2015 at 3:24 am #88088

    Yeah that’s what I was thinking. I mean I love spending time with both of them, they mean a lot to me. Obviously it would be nice if something did happen but I really value their friendship and wouldn’t want to lose that as you said. Then I guess I’d also have to consider how her friend would react. So I think you’re right, just watch and wait.

    Funny how this whole dating thing is never straightforward, right? 😛

    November 11, 2015 at 9:49 am #88296

    Right, update on the current situation. I’ve just been with her (on her own) earlier this evening, and she brought up in conversation how I’ve always looked out for her and all that sort of thing; she properly flipped out at my other flatmate earlier when he was making offensive jokes about me (not that I was really bothered). Later she said her bi friend has recently started looking at guys a lot which is meaning she’s getting left out – she says they’re drifting apart a bit now. In fact she’s asked if I’m up for going out for a few drinks with just her tomorrow night (of course I said yes) – very odd as usually the pair of them are never apart.

    But the other complication is; she’s suggested her friend has become interested in me. Hell, I’ve never felt so popular with the ladies! But the fact is it’s her I’m interested in, not her friend. So I’m not really sure what’s going on, it’s all a bit of a mess. I would definitely say she’s sending signals – maybe I’m wrong. Thoughts?

    November 11, 2015 at 9:49 am #88297

    Update: I’ve been with her alone this evening and she says she and her friend (who’s also bi, I realise I never clarified this in my first post) have been drifting apart, because her friend has been looking at guys (and has arranged to meet someone) which is leaving her left out. In fact she even suggested her friend was interested in me – but I’m not though, it’s only her I like in that way – which has sort of thrown another spanner in the works. Hell, seems like for once I’m actually pretty popular with the ladies!

    She said she started considering guys herself about 3 weeks ago – around the same time she and I started to hang out more often. She brought up again how I always look out for her and can offer advice and comfort when she has problems. I’m still not sure though – is she sending me signs or am I just misinterpreting our friendship? I tend to do that.

    I’m almost certain she knows I’m interested, but she still seems very comfortable around me. Any thoughts on this?

    November 14, 2015 at 2:42 am #88470

    Go for it.