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What are you waiting for? One mouse click could be all that stands between you and your next romance!November 14, 2017 at 3:43 pm #156365
I have a complicated situation that I’m sure won’t get the kindest responses but I need advice.
I work with this girl, we’ve been flirting and going on dates for a couple of months. We’ve kissed and made-out a couple of times but nothing more. She is 23 and I am 25.
She tells me all of the time how special I make her feel and how much she loves talking to me and spending time with me. She texts me from the point she wakes up, until she falls asleep. She’s wonderful.
The problem is, she has been dating someone for about 2 years. He left earlier this year to go to med school in another country and will be away for the next 4 years.
Since her and I have been seeing each other she’s gone to see him once. She was happy to see me when she came back and we picked up where we had left off.
Now, he’s coming back for a few weeks. We had a talk about how she didn’t feel guilty or bad about what we were doing until this past weekend (she went to a resort with her boyfriend’s family).November 14, 2017 at 3:44 pm #156366
She doesn’t want space at all, she keeps texting me and wants to hang out but did say the hand holding, kissing, going on dates, that kind of stuff needs to stop.
I’m falling in love with her (I had never told her that and have no intention of doing so) and so I totally respect her decision and am not going to try and do any of those things anymore, but it obviously hurts. She said that it needs to stop because she needs to do the right thing (staying loyal to her BF because he is so good to her). She has said to me that she does love him, so I’m not delusional thinking that she only has feelings for me .. but she also hasn’t said that she wants to stay with him because she loves him … her reasoning is that it’s the ‘right’ thing to do … I’m not totally sure what that means.
I am hurting pretty bad and am looking for advice on what my next move should be.November 14, 2017 at 4:31 pm #156368
A big part of me thinks that long distance relationships don’t work and that I should just stick out being her friend until her and her BF breakup (if that happens). This might not be as logical as I’d like to believe and maybe just wishful thinking, I don’t know.
The other thought I’m having, and trying to avoid, is just to disconnect from her as much as possible … not talking to her outside of work-related things, not hanging out, basically deleting her from my life. The reluctance I’m having here is if anything does happen to her existing relationship I don’t want to ruin my opportunity with her.
For whatever significance it has. Some background on me, I’ve been in two separate 4 year relationships in my life and lots of short-term relationships in between there. I do really well in the dating department generally. I’m not a stranger to relationships but I’ve never felt the way I feel about this woman before. I might actually love her but I think it’s to early to tell.
cekmaParticipantNovember 15, 2017 at 11:02 am #156446
You need to stop for yourself. The fact that she’s telling you kissing holding hands has to come to an end means shes feeling guilty.
She’s 23, she is in the prime and so are you for dating around. Please explore others and keep her in the back of your mind.
I’m sure it’s not going to last with the other guy, but remember… if she’s doing this to him, she can very easily do it to you as well, would you want that?
Back off completely, let her know you can’t be involved so long as she is involved in a relationship. You can only be a friend, but keep it cordial, you work together so you see each other often, can’t make that awkward. Just stay calm cool collective, I know you like her a ton, but please see other people.
She will be even more interested and her relationship I think will end, but also make sure you don’t just become a rebound for her.
Best you can do is just be friendly, and date others, she is in a relationship, she has to be out of it first before more
luckymanParticipantNovember 15, 2017 at 7:55 pm #156558
oh you really need to stop that just let go of her because in the end she will left you because she is still in love with his 2yrs boyfriend.
ktmiller222ParticipantNovember 20, 2017 at 9:16 am #156895
I know you like her,,,,but stop. She is no good for you. The right girl will come along, you need to keep this girl away so you can meet the one for you. Good luck!
Wonder0208ParticipantNovember 25, 2017 at 8:29 pm #157353
I am currently going through something similar except that the person lead me to think he was totally available , then to come to find out the friend he claimed was more than that but I enjoyed his company so much I made a few mistakes and continued to see him, knowing full well I was only hurting myself . When that “friend” came to town and I was completely ignored until she left even after that I still wanted to be with the person but it was toxic for me and it hurt just trying to ignore the truth and pretend that everything will be fine so the best thing was to move away from that person and let them go but the truth is that also hurts , it feels like my heart is physically breaking, but it will heal for the right person I suppose as I rather value myself if someone doesn’t value me the way I deserve my heart will need to break for a better tomorrow.
awesomeguyParticipantNovember 27, 2017 at 9:18 pm #157528
Find someone who is not in complicated situation you deserved someone else.
macgregorParticipantNovember 28, 2017 at 9:10 am #157551
U should go for someone else, u will spent less energy and get more out of relationship, things will get complicated more, I have been in this, it’s just lot of stress
missmarisParticipantNovember 28, 2017 at 5:45 pm #157669
You need to cut her loose no matter how much it hurts. She is playing with two guys at the same time with no regard for you or her boyfriend. Do yourself a favour before you really get your heart broken and cut communication. She either ends it with her boyfriend and stays with you or she ends the liaise with you and be totally honest with her man. You can’t have your cake and eat it too. You deserve someone who will want you completely and is totally devoted to you.
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